Hello all! I'm a 20year old girl and I'm bisexual, and I've known since I was young that I have never been put off the thought of being in a relationship with either gender. However, I have never had to confidence to come out to anyone. The only person I told was my ex-boyfriend of two and a half years who fully understood, and he is the only person who knows. I am now with a boy who used to be my best friend and I am starting to love as a boyfriend, and whom I am attracted to. Basically, I don't know whether to come out or not. If I'm in a happy relationship, most of me thinks it's not worth the potential hassle, but I also feel like I'm lying most of the time and that I can't tell people, which makes me a bit sad. I would also like to have a proper relationship with a girl at some point, but I don't know how to go about that at all, and also don't want to break up with my boyfriend really :/ What are people's thoughts/opinions please? I feel quite alone in this. Thank you x
It is really up to you to weigh the pros and cons and decide whether coming out is the right thing for you to do. I can say that personally, even if I was in a relationship with a man it would bother me too much to have everyone assume I was straight and not be able to fully share my truth with my close friends and family. And really, although there can be a lot of "hassle" in coming out, there can also be a lot of joy, not to mention an increase in self-acceptance and self-confidence. How do you think your friends and family would react to such a revelation? Do you have one or two friends you trust who you could talk to about it first? Is there a potential danger in coming out (i.e. being kicked out of your house)? These are all questions you might want to ask yourself. You say you would like to have a proper relationship with a girl at some point - is this mainly because you'd like to satisfy your curiosity about what it would be like to be with a girl, or you feel that there's something about your current relationship that isn't fulfilling you, or what? These are also questions that may be worth examining. Certainly if you are considering experimenting with a girl outside of your relationship, or if it's a strong enough urge that you are considering breaking up with your boyfriend to be with a girl, this is something you should definitely discuss with him. But again, you need to weigh the pros and cons. How happy are you in your current relationship? How would things potentially change with your boyfriend? etc.
Thank you for your response! It does bother me to not be able to talk freely about things, like you said. One of my good friends is a lesbian, and came out in the last two years, so I'd probably talk to her about it. My parents are very understanding people so I doubt they'd kick me out, just be surprised I think! I don't know what they would all think, but I don't want to be judged negatively, or be told it's just a phase etc, when I know it's not. And yes, I would like to see what it would be like to not only have a physical but an emotional relationship with a girl. My current relationship is actually really good, but I tend to find that although I am attracted to my boyfriend, and want to be intimate with him, and love him, I'm never as turned on as I am by watching lesbian porn, and this makes me feel guilty! In all honesty, I would probably marry my boyfriend, so I don't see myself breaking up with him over a girl, but I wouldn't like to be married without ever even experiencing it, and coming out.
Hmm difficult situation you are in my dear. I would not condone to having relations with a woman at the same time as being in a relationship. However, I do think it would be a good idea for you to explore yourself a little more. You should definitely reach out a little more and try and talk to people about your sexuality. It sounds as if you have stability, and pretty good confidence about who you are, so you should share that person with others. Look for people who you are closest to, and try and introduce them to the idea that you are "not straight"
Thank you for your responses! The frustration at not being able to fully express myself is what I mean! Well one of my friend is a lesbian, and came out only in the last two years so I'll probably tell her, but it's telling my family and boyfriend that scare me. I think my family will be ok with it, if a little surprised! I would like to be with a girl because of curiosity to some degree, and to experience it properly. I don't think this is a reflection on my relationship, because its a really good relationship! He's funny, and kind, and we're best friends (and have been for a while) and get on well, and are attracted to each other. (The fact that its a good relationship also makes me feel guilty). And when we're intimate I feel turned on, and enjoy it a lot, and want HIM, but I'm never as quickly turned on as I am when I watch lesbian porn, or to the same degree, which makes me feel guilty as well! I don't mean them both at the same time, I am very faithful. My boyfriend at the moment I would probably marry, but I just feel a bit sad thinking that if we end up engaged and married I would never have experienced a physical and emotional relationship with a woman, which makes me feel guilty (lots of guilt here, I've realised!) again, thanks for taking the time to read this and reply!
