My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, and we've always had problems with her mother, since she's a gay-hater. I'm an FTM transgendered and her mom thinks I'm an abomination, but we've managed to stay together. By the way, I'm 16 and she's 18 (it's legal here don't worry xD). But recently, her mom has gone psycho. She kicked my girlfriend out. So she left and came to my house since my dad said she could, but her mom showed up yelling and trying to force her back. My girlfriend ended up going with her because her mom was insulting my gay family and she didn't want us bashed anymore, she said she loved us too much for that. She wants to move out desperatly, but her mom won't pay for her college unless she lives at "home." Her mom won't let her go anywhere and will barely let her see anyone. Telling her to stand up for herself is out of the question because she doesn't know how. It frustrates me to no end. And she's aware that she's 18 and can leave, but she wants to go to school. I keep telling her to put school off for a while to get money on her own and move out, but she has no backbone and doesn't know how to leave her mom. I love her, but this is all stressing me out completely, I just want her to be happy. What do we do? Please help.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. There is no easy answer here, unfortunately - all you can really do is continue to support your girlfriend, and encourage her to try to stand up to her mother. Let her know that your home is always open to her if she makes the decision to leave. It might also be a good idea to seek counselling, especially if her mother is abusive (it sounds like she may be verbally/emotionally abusive at the very least).
This ^ And the other thing I might suggest is looking into your state's financial aid for school. If this is a seriously abusive situation and it sounds like it might be, and if worrying about college is the only reason why she stays, there are ways to do this. It's hard work because she'll probably need to work and it's almost guaranteed to mean she'll come out of it in debt, but there are ways to get aid for school without relying on your parents. Where I'm from, you can fill out some paperwork separating yourself from your parents financially so you can get a significantly bigger amount of aid, since you're basically saying your family will not be assisting you in any way. She can look into alternative options for scholarships and loans and government grants. It IS possible to go to school without her mother's assistance, but it's a big decision and may not be one that she wants to take. It's really up to her. But in the meantime, maybe have her look into that, so at least she's making an informed decision. And be there for her the best you can. It sounds like you're doing that already though. Good luck, I'm sorry this is so hard (*hug*)
