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Getting father to trust a long-distance boyfriend.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Dragonfyre173, Aug 17, 2011.

  1. Dragonfyre173

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    Well, I'm dating a guy who lives in Hawaii.. and I'm in Virginia... I didn't quite ask for him to be this far away, but it happened. We've been together for a year and four months, and I love him with all my heart. He's already saving to visit me, and both of us are in contact with each other's parents... his mom already loves me, and said that he can visit me this Christmas.. but the only issue is that my dad doesn't trust him. Whenever I broach the subject of him coming over, my dad shrugs it off, and he's said before that he's "confounded that his mother would let him spend two weeks with a complete stranger that she doesn't even know". I've been thinking of ways to see him... but every time I talk to my dad, he either says "We'll talk about it later" or shoots me down... I really don't know what I can do to get my father to trust my boyfriend if he doesn't even trust me to be with him... does anyone have any ideas..?
     
  2. Maybe have your dad talk with your boyfriend's mother directly? If they're in contact with each other then he might be more likely to feel like this isn't sketchy. I'm sure it's not, but I can see why he might automatically assume that.

    The more calm and rational you are about this with him, the more likely he is to listen to you. I'm sure he's just worried, having heard the horror stories of people meeting over the internet.

    I can't guarantee he'll let up, but if your Dad and your boyfriend's parents speak directly, I think you're more likely to get your way.
     
  3. Dragonfyre173

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    I've talked with my boyfriend about that before... we haven't gotten them to talk yet, but I'm going to try that soon.. The problem is that before I can even get the idea out to my dad, he ends the conversation.. just like that... I can't tell if it's out of resentment towards my boyfriend, towards me, my sexuality... I've really never had a good relationship with my dad...
     
  4. Chip

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    It's probably a combination of not wanting to accept your sexuality, genuine fear about meeting someone off the internet (a LOT of creepers out there, and gay teens are particularly common targets) and not understanding the nature of online interactions among teens today.

    I second the advice already given: The best thing would be to get your dad and your friend's parents together over Skype video chat to talk. A picture is worth 1000 words and a picture with audio chat even more :slight_smile:

    If you can't get him to even consider it, then you'll have to have a conversation in which you ask why he continues to shut you down without even hearing you out. You can tell him that you don't feel respected or listened to, and that you understand his concerns, and WANT his advice and input, but you need for him to hear yours and at least make some effort to meet you halfway if you're willing to do the same for him. That may help.

    Let us know how it goes.
     
  5. Gerry

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    I think both thedreamwatch and Chip have some valuable advice here. Having his mom talk to your dad would be the best bet. And through something like Skype would be all the better. It's still several months away and I'm hoping your dad lets up some on you. Definitely try getting them to talk with each other and take it from there. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Dragonfyre173

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    Thanks all, I've been talking to my boyfriend about this and we're gonna find a good time to have a skype chat between the two of them. I'll let you all know what happens afterwards (or if it even happens) ^^
     
  7. thylvin

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    One way to maybe get your dad interested enough to even think about the Skype thing is if you can find something the your father is passionate about or like that your bf's parents also like. That way it will be easier for your dad to give it a try

    See what happens... good luck though!