Seriously, how does one go about flirting with the same sex without getting a beat-down? I never know that a woman is lesbian until she hits on me directly, which does happen from time to time (and I NEVER know what to do - I just blush and want to melt into my shoes, because the woman-in-question is usually very forward). But I on the other hand have absolutely no confidence to hit on another woman where I live. :icon_sad: Because I can't tell if they're straight or not, and I feel like I am imposing on a straight person if I accidentally hit on them (or worse, like I am offending them by thinking they might be gay). My gaydar for anyone other than the most butch of women is absolutely useless. I don't really like clubbing, to be honest, so I'd really like to meet someone outside of the party scene. But there are no gay recreational clubs here. The only place I've even seen LGBT people is in the one church in town where they're welcome. But most of them are older than me by a decade or so. And I'm not into dating websites, because my only impressions of them so far are that they are sketchy and mostly for people interested in anonymous sex (which I'm not). Sometimes it feels like it would easier to be celibate than to filter 90% of straight humanity out of my potential dating pool...
I can hardly help you with this one, but I don't think it's such a big deal if a woman you hit on happens to be straight. The worse that can happen is that she'll turn you down (and if she feels offended because you may have been thinking she's gay, that only means she is really really not worth to worry about !). Besides, as far as I know, you're FTM. Yet, I know you're not on T and haven't done any kind of surgery, so you may be a bit into a grey area there, but as far as I know you identify as a man and men are what straight girls are attracted to. So, you don't have to necessarily stick with lesbian partners, bisexual girls and open-minded straight women can also be interested in you. Just be yourself, hit on whatever woman catches your intention. If she's interested, great ! If not, there are plenty other ones out there who will be. Take care (*hug*) Cécile
Hi Maverick, I really feel your situation. I have known I was gay since I hit puberty, around 10 and a half years of age. Since that point, I have had significant trouble "hitting on" people and gauging their interest in me, or lack thereof. You're right, it's really hard to remain confident when you don't know if the other person is gay or not, or if they are even looking to date. I always try to become friends first, with any new stranger I meet. That way, if the other person doesn't happen to be gay, but they turn out to be a really accepting person, then at least you have gained a new friend. I have met other gay guys mostly through networking, especially this way. Also, you have to be willing to approach people. It's not necessarily about having an abundance of confidence, it's more like accepting the fact that getting rejected wont be the end of your world. You said you don't like the bar/club scene, but unfortunately, other than that, there is no fool-proof way (except for asking) to determine whether or not someone is interested. Take a chance. You may feel a bit embarrassed after feeling rejected, but after a while you get used to it and you are able to focus on the prize more.
Yeah, the grey area is what is getting me right now. It's like...I know how I present to other people - as a butch lesbian, basically. In my head I'm male, but that's not what they see - they just see a really masculine (and presumeably gay) woman. Even if I bind my chest, I have an hourglass figure and a D cup beneath my men's clothing....there is absolutely no question to people that I'm female-bodied if they get more than a glance at my face. I'm trying to bulk up my upper body with free weights and minimize my hips through fat loss to try and tip the androgyny scales as much as I can without T or surgery. A major breast reduction is a happy fantasy for me right now, simply because I have no interest in pursuing SRS for my bottom half and I don't have the will to subject myself to the medical scrutiny required, but for right now, I'm stuck indefinitely between the two genders. I'm also reluctant to go through any sort of surgery which a large number of other people (including my family) consider to be mutilating. At EC I've seen the appreciation that a lot of women here have for the female form, and if it's something that works in my favor with regards to finding a significant other who can appreciate me (gender identity and all), I'm sort of loathe to discard it in an effort to make my mind and my body match. I really don't think that cutting off my breasts and taking testosterone will make me a woman, only shove me even further into that eunuch-y no man's land between man and woman, to a point that neither sex will find me physically attractive. :icon_sad: I actually don't mind the clubs occasionally, except for the fact that all of my friends and coworkers are straight and I'm not out to any of them, so whenever they want to go trolling, it's always in the straight bars where I get to sit around and deflect heterosexual advances all night, which - even though I identify as pretty open-minded when it comes to my orientation - doesn't really give me a good field to look for a girlfriend, which is what I'm primarily interested in right now. I've dated guys, it was lukewarm for me. I want to date women because I think that's where the sparks are gonna fly (based on past experience). But I don't have anybody that can act as my wingman at the lesbian bar, and I feel really weird going to LGBT bars and clubs alone. Like all, "Step into my parlor, liiiiiiiddle boy...." I haven't internalized any homophobia or anything. :lol: Thanks for the advice guys, it's appreciated. I will try to be more confident!
