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Are there any graceful ways to tell someone you're no longer interested?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mind Freak, Aug 17, 2011.

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  1. Mind Freak

    Mind Freak
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    I'm semi-dating this guy who now lives 5 hours away from me. I like him and all, but I don't think I can care about him nearly as much as he cares about me right now. He's told me he's falling in love and we've known each other for a total of 2 months and have spent less than a full day together. >_> I always feel super awkward when people like me more than I like them because I feel like obligated I guess to reciprocate those feelings and I can't. And I honestly think the age difference (he's 33) might play a part in why he's able to establish such strong feelings where I can't and can't even imagine like falling in love; I'm not looking for something super serious.

    And what's even MORE awkward is that he's planning a trip to come to town for a weekend (remember I said he lives 5 hours away!) and I don't even know how I can let him know that I don't think we have much of a future. I feel like if I tell him before he gets down here it'll be messed up and if I tell him while he's down here it'll be messed up and if i tell him after he leaves it'll be messed up. I CAN'T WIN!

    Help! :'(
     
    #1 Mind Freak, Aug 17, 2011
  2. maverick

    maverick
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    My vote is to tell him before he plans the trip. Save him the gas money. Like you said, it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation anyway. May as well go the route that is going to be least uncomfortable (and expensive) for both of you.
     
    #2 maverick, Aug 17, 2011
  3. malachite

    malachite
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    there is always going to some hurt when someone tell you they're not interested. Think of it like band-aid do it quick.

    Just tell him your into someone else or you're not feeling it.
     
    #3 malachite, Aug 17, 2011
  4. Hazel

    Hazel
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    This.

    From there on out it's just trying to be tactful about it and hoping things go smoothly for it.
     
    #4 Hazel, Aug 17, 2011
  5. Elven

    Elven
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    I'd personally think your best bet is to tell him how you see it and what your thoughts are, it's easier to say how you feel then come up with some excuse. I suppose "you weren't looking for something quite so serious when you started and you feel intimidated as his current feeling far outweigh your own current feelings. You don't mean to hurt him but you could say that you don't feel that you have got to know each other well enough yet for anything close to real love and feel you personally need to spend some time apart to think, try to stay friends or something..." That's probably what I'd say anyway, you're going to hurt him somewhat however you do it. At least this way you're being truthful, which he should in my opinion deserve. And I'd do it before he comes, you feel awkward already, probably better for him not to have a really awkward trip.
     
    #5 Elven, Aug 17, 2011
  6. Mind Freak

    Mind Freak
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    Right. I guess I'll tell him today on skype; the thought of it nauseates me though. I hate letting people down, but I hate feeling like I owe people even more! If I end up telling him today I'll let y'all know how it goes!
     
    #6 Mind Freak, Aug 17, 2011
  7. thylvin

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    It would be better to end it now before it gets too serious, or the pain will be that much bigger, especially for him.
     
    #7 thylvin, Aug 17, 2011
  8. feelindown

    feelindown Guest

    just call the dude and tell him that you've thought about itt and you dont think it's a good idea for him to come down there for a visit because you are not looking for anything serious and you dont want to lead him on. just tell him that he's a nice person but you think it's best that you stop dating because you're in a different place and you're not interested in anything serious. i wouldn't suggest having him come down to where you are and then telling him during or after. i would just cut it off before. there's no easy way to tell someone this but just be direct and honest and dont lead them on or give them hope.
     
    #8 feelindown, Aug 17, 2011
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