Well thats the stage im at right now...i mean the parents, friends, sister and one cousin know im gay. The only things standing in my way of being just totall free to be me around everybody, is stepping up to the plate in school and also my entire family. So far ive got a pretty good plan, but i want your guys & girls advice, opinions and anything else you got to say on my plans as of now. Well for school, ive already started a rumor about me being gay (pretty bad when you have to start a rumor about you, yourself lol) and its spreading pretty quickly, ive got pretty much all of my grade level talking...three people have asked me and ive confirmed. I dono if thats such a great idea, but they told me they have no intention of confirming it to anyone else, they told me that they'd leave it up to me to confirm any suspisions. I hope to do most of the confirming next year...just cuz' exams will be soo hectic...plus as a Wiccan the cycles would feel more natural. As for non-immediate family...i dont plan to do that for at least 3-4 years. At least not in mass. Like my dad's side i wont even touch until absolutely necessary...and now that i think about it, my mom's side isnt so gay-friendly either....but i think telling cousins will be pretty easy and i think thats the only thing i may target for a LOOONNNGGG while. Anyway, i just want to hear your opinions on my plans and share your own as well if you have any...stories would be great too...share whatever you feel like..as long as it concernisthis subject of course.
i think its a great idea! let them come to you, that way, the ones who care enough to ask, and dont want to ebat your face in, wil ask, and the rest will find out from hearsay. You don;t have to pick and choose who to tell. hope it all works out for you!
Hey you know, I'm kinda in the same situation. My sister, plus 3 cousins know I'm gay. I'm planning on telling my parents pretty soon, and after that I said I really don't care who else knows. Then I thought about school, and was like "what am I supposed to do about that?" I want to be freely out, but there are some people who I have no idea how they will take it. But what I was planning on doing, was to just tell some of my closest friends, and let them spread the word. And if someone asked, I would confirm. If no one asks, I would go on with my normal life thinking everyone knows. I dunno when this will happen though, it might be this year, or next year. Who knows. Tell us how it works out for ya dude. And if anyone else has opinions/stories/anything, please share!
Spreading a rumour about yourself is a pretty effective way of coming out to a large group of people, especially when you don't want to get up in front of everyone and just announce "I'm gay!" at the top of your voice. I came out by telling my close friends at school, letting it spread, justl like Nk1114's thinking. While reactions depend on your school, mine went pretty smoothly. People who knew me would usually ask when we were alone, so it wasnt like I had a whole bunch of people crowd around, asking if I was gay. And when they did ask, I would just shrug at them with a 'yeah' as though its no big deal (which it totally isnt ) Those who haven't asked me just assume. So for me it was a successful way to come out. Hope it works out just as well for you two
When I started my previous job I found out who the office gossip was and made a point of chatting to her at the coffee machine. It didn't take long for the conversation to get to "are you married", which gave me the chance to say that I lived with my partner and that his name is Mark. Within a few days the whole place knew. Result!!!! :eusa_clap
Hey mate. Firstly It's great that you feel like you can do this, but just be careful ok, take time, have friends that stick by you. Its realy important to understand that there are gonna be a few people who dont like it, and may react really badly. In my experience anyway. After I started kissing a guy at the school after ball (like an after prom party if your american) everyone knew, and I got into some fights. The physical kind. So just be careful ok? Good Luck P.S also, I kicked some ass. Its ok to be an aggressive gay guy
First of all...thnx all of you for replying and some of you for sharing...secondly, im not totally in a fantasy world...i know there are going to be people who are going to use homosexuality as ammunition against me...fortunately, ive been verablly abused so much i have fort-knoxx kind of resistance against words...as for physical violence, i hate to use violence to solve things...i get teased alot for being 'weak'...but thats just because no one has EVER seen me fight or hit someone else...but im not going to be stupid and leave myself defenseless...but i honestly hope it doesnt come down to that, i doubt it will either...our school doesnt have many blind spots when it comes to physical violence...plus im surrounded by friends most of the time...physical violence is highly unlikely in our school...out of school maybe...but i do have religious defenses in place too...so im pretty much covered most of the time...i try not to make a big deal out of this, because all the other times i came out, it wasnt nearly as bad as i suspected at all...i think the same applies here.
Hi Proud, Your plan sounds good. You’re charging hard to come out as fast as possible, with a dose of common sense. Being in the same boat, I’m anxious to tell the world. Yet I have to be cautious and consider the consequences before I get carried away. I can’t judge how conservative your school or classmates are. Fact is that most people won’t care one way or another. Those who view it positively either are, or will become your friends. Those who view it negatively, can and may use it against you. That means possible confrontations that you have to prepare for, at least mentally. Staying cool under fire and popping the right response takes lots of practice, better than average communication skills, and tons of self-confidence. Even when I think I’m armed and ready, I get blasted with a low blow by some bastard. It happened to me a few weeks ago in a big staff meeting with about 15 directors. After I was verbally attacked for expressing an unpleasant truth, I felt like crying and wanted to leave the room. The commander stopped me. Our staff chaplain rescued my ass by bridging the gap of silence by changing the subject. Otherwise I might have told the whole group to stick it. I didn’t. Two days later, the bastard apologized personally. My statement turned out to be 100% correct. I won by not getting carried away at the wrong time. Speaking for myself, the urge to come out can be overwhelming. I have a brother and sister that I anxiously want to tell the news. The Atlantic ocean separates us. I want to tell my boss but the time isn’t right. In the meantime, I’ve invited my old guitarist and his wife to dinner for my next little outing. He lives about 80 miles away and I haven’t seen him in a couple of years. I want to be out to all my former band members, and my friends from work at the former job, also miles away. Those are easy because I have no negative consequences to fear. That’s as far as my plan goes. More important is finding new friends and adjusting my lifestyle to the newly-found identity. I get great satisfaction from music, photography, my job, and a dozen other things. What really matters is people, your relationships with folks who take you at face value. Coming out is a kind of prerequisite to building relationships that matter. Everything else seems to become superficial. That said, not everyone can deal with your darkest secret, or wants to. I don’t think we have the right to feel better at the expense of burdening other folks who might not know how to handle the situation. I’m trying to consciously choose friends who will react positively to my coming out. I wouldn’t have had your courage to spread a rumor about myself but it sounds like a cool marketing campaign. Good luck with your plan and hope your classmates are tolerant. Maybe I need to learn more about the Wiccan cycles. Lorenz:smilewave
Check, check and double check. By far do i consider this to be my darkest secret. As ive said in the past, homosexuality is no big deal at all....in fact the only reason we even have coming outs, homophobia etc is because society blows it out of proportion. But i understand your point. Burdening? Sorry, but i dont agree with that. I dont mean to start any fights etc. but IMHO...when a homosexual/bisexual etc....comes out to simply profess who they truely are. I just dont see how we could burden anyone by simply being ourselves? If they take it badly, and it "burdens" them in any way...it would be the "secret" aspect of it. Thats they are responsible for being tight lipped. And i think we have every right to feel better with ourselves for mustering up the courage to finally tell someone and to be able to tell someone means you are comfortable with it....we have every right to feel better with ourselves because we have reached that next level of spiritual furfillement. Why would anyone feel "burdened" in any way....i just dont understand that statement. Sorry. Well i dont think its that courageous lol. I mean its very simple actually...it just requires a certain level of self comfort and how much support you have backing you up. Haha, i almost coughed up a lung laughing at the marketing campagin thing....lol i dont know if it was intended to be funny. A marketing campaign is an... interesting...analogy, which im not entirely certain i understand :eusa_shif . And i really dont give a rat's behind if my classmates got a problem with me finally having enough courage and self confidence in who i am, to just tell them who i am. And forgive me when i say that "tolerence" has nothing to do with it. They will not "tolerate" me, they will respect me, as do i respect their sexual preferences. Again, this is all the opinion of only one....oh and as for an update...i find that in my class ive caused a stirr...hehe...all going as planned....blessed be!
OK. Let me clarify what I mean about "burdening" people with our coming out. I fully agree with you that homosexuality should not be a big deal at all. Unfortunately, very many people and religious zealots are ignorant on the subject, hence coming out to these folks requires some tact and sensitivity, as well as education. For example, coming out to my sister, who is fairly religious, could cause her to have a conflict of faith where she has to choose between her gay brother or those not so wonderful catholic teachings from the pulpit. That could be a burden for her which I have to take into consideration if I want to be sensitive to her feelings and emotions. I kinda think my brother-in-law is a bit of a homophobe so my coming out can also impact on their marital relationship if my sister has to defend her little brother. I guess all I'm saying is that we should always consider the consequences of our actions and minimize the adverse impact it could have on other people. Hope that explains what I meant. On the marketing campaign, I'm in the public relations business so I regularly deal with all kinds of campaigns, motorcycle safety, drug abuse awareness, or any other pet rock someone chooses to market. Your "rumor" idea is a nice variation on how to come out to classmates without shouting it at them. I'm curious as to how you managed to get the rumor rolling. Maybe the method has appeal to other folks here. Lorenz:icon_wink
Well first of all, thnx Lorenz for the explaination, i get it now. And i for one am the same way i would say in terms of people who i know and care about, but when it comes to third parties such as classmates who i have no ties to....i obviously dont feel any need to even consider the "burdening" for they dont even know me and will have little or no conflict over the matter. Secondly, you asked for the 'how' i got the rumor mill fired up. Well it was fairly simple really...all i had to do was to have someone tell the queen of gossip in our school, who luckly is in my class. Of course she had nothing good to gossip about for a couple of weeks, so jumped at the chance of a fresh rumor. She does not have an excessive amount social power (or she might be able to alert everyone too soon, and i dont want that many people to know that fast, its a delicate situation), so really it was a mild whisper throughout the school touching really only our grade level and some grade sevens. The idea of telling the gossip queen and not just some average joe/anne was that it had the gossip queen 'stamp of approval' (because the gossip queen happens to be a 'credible source' in our school, so to speak) and this made people think about it a little harder if it might be true. Confusing?....yeah sorry...long day at school....not thinking straight (no pun intended). Anyway thats the best i can do, everything is a little muddy....if its too confusing ill explain another day. Blessed be! PS: i wont be here until May 12...im going to Quebec for 5 days in a little bit....so taking a hiatus...ill reply again once i get back.
