FRESHMAN YEAR When i first started highschool my freshman year, i knew i was starting to change but not like this. During my first year, i was cool with everybody. I was on the varsity football and basketball team for my first two years in highschool, but the person that I've come to talk to you guys about today, was part of the football team. Let's call him "Teddy Bear" or TB because well thats how he appeared to everyone. His face and his demeanor said it all. A big 6'3 280 pound softy, but he wasnt all the way fat, he had some muscle to him and he was no softy. He cracked some heads on the field. He was definitely no punk in any way. Anyway during the first day of two-a-days my mother drops me off early and i walked in the locker room to get dressed for practice, and as I stood at my locker with just a gurdle on I saw the teddy bear looking guy walking out of the locker room staring at me with a very nervous stare like he saw something he wish he hadn't. This was the first time he ever saw we and we made eye contact and he quickly looked away. After practice, I saw "TB sitting on the trunk of his van. We made eye contact and i decide to make introductions when he said his name, he seemed to stutter a little which is somethig he doesnt do to anyone else, and his somewhat light skinned immediately looked flushed red, and he caught a quick glimpse of me and turned around to get in his vehicle, only taking off one cleat. Walking to the driver seat, he asked me if I needed a ride. I said sure, and without waiting for anybody else for a ride we went up the hill, and only the only thing he asked me was how I was enjoying football. Never did he learn my name, but later on he found out from someone else. After that I felt clinged to him since he was one of the first seniors I interacted with during football season. Later on when the school year started, I would I always see him in the hallways, and whether he was sitting down, or walking right past me, he would always give me his nervous quick stare and look away. When I did approach him sometimes, we would have very small talk and he would always blush and it always made my stomach turn and my body and voice heavy. But i really began to REALLY have feelings for him when it was the last day of practice and we were all happy and everyone got out of his car but i made it a plan to get my last word s to him. And the last words it was fun playing with you, I'm gonna miss you was followed by a hug that made me feel like ive never felt before. Especially. Especially from a man. I had never felt that which warmth and comfort than when I was in his arms. Just that one small hug. I felt his arms shaking as he wrapped them around me and I didn't want to let him go, but I didn't want it to be akward so I had to. Ever since that hug, he seems to avoid me, but only sometimes, and our small talk is even wierder. My last personal memory I had with him was when he took me and my friend to Chipotle. When I bought a burrito, and my friend was short I paided for my friend. My friend said he would pay me back the next day, but unexpectedly, Teddy Bear said here I'll pay you back for him and smiled. When we were on the way back, I called shotgun but my friend called it first. Teddy Bear sees me and him fighting over the front seat and said he wanted me in the front. Don't know why, we just went with it. In the car on we talked a little, and when he got back to the school, he dropped me and my friend off, and as i got out the car i asked him if he would come watch the basketball game and he smiled and said probably. That was one of the last personal time i had with him, and everything we did seemed so big to me and ever since then i always wanted to be around him. I'm a loud mouth, get to know everybody type of guy and I seemed to be comfortable with everybody in school. But with this person, I can't seem to focus my eyes or my mind on him. Every time I talk to him, or see him, A flow of adrenaline goes through my body and I'm in total awkwardness. When we do have small conversation, WHICH ALWAYS FEELS AKWARD, I can tell he is nervous too because his voice goes low and he mumbles his words, and for a 6'3 280 pound person, I know he wouldn't speak softly to a 5'10 guy! Even though he has those manly conversations with his fellows seniors about girls and crazy weekends, he constantly gives me the nervous stare and blushes everytime I try to talk to him, and he always seems like he has no time to talk anymore. Could it be bad timing? Now dont get me wrong, I LOVE MY WOMEN TOO, and I HAVE MY FAIR SHARE OF STORIES TOO, but could we both be crushing? Could it just be me crushing on him really hard? Could i be sending him mixed signals? Could he, a Senior not want to be seen with a Freshman, eventhough hes only two years younger than me?But I don't know what to make of him! He just seems like a big brother figure, or maybe something else? Do I like him? Does he like me? How far does our liking each other seem to go? Could it be more that? I know im definitely crushing but HELP ME! OUT!
Just take a deep breath and calm down It's not unnatural to have these types of feelings for anybody, and it sounds like he might be interested in you. For you, though, you should probably stop stressing over what you think it might be. You need to spend some time thinking about what it is you really want, and what you see in him. Then, if you realize that you like him, that's a step. It doesn't mean you're gay, but with the information I've gathered, it doesn't seem to be enough to know if he likes you back.
It sounds like he is having just as many problems dealing with his sexuality as you are, if not more. At least you have made it to EC (welcome by the way). Its unclear to me as to whether anything with come of this, but it is possible. If he is ready to confront his fear, and if you are ready to confront yours then there may be some way to salvage this. Perhaps a less direct way of communicating with him is over facebook, or texting. Does he have a computer or phone? Ask him for his number, and maybe if he wants to hang out sometime. Often I have found that the best partners are friends, so if that is really what you want to have with him, then you should try and know him better first, because if he is truly struggling with his sexuality like you are, then it is unlikely that even if he did like you, he would own up to it yet. As for you, it may seem like you have a long road ahead of you, because you do. But hey! Your a freshman and you are already willing to question your sexuality. That is a really big deal, and that is something that should be a little scary, but its also something to be really proud of. Most people your age have no clue to who they are, and you are already starting to get an idea. best of luck,
nice story and well written. ok, basically you need to let it go. unless you are prepared to say 'hey TB, im kinda feeling you lo key but dont tell nobody".....then you need to drop it. i wouldn't advise you to do that anyway. unless TB makes a moves on you or tell you his business, then you need to forget about it and just be friends and move on. it's easier said than done but these guessing games situations get you know where. usually the preson is straight and you will end up outing yourself if you say anything and it may be awkward for you sports wise. my advice is to forget about it, just be TB's friend. speak to him when you see him but dont seem to pressed about it. if he speaks to you, then coool; if not, cool. just do you. u never know, if you dont seem that pressed about it or that you're not tripping off him, he may reveal more to you. people in general like a chase. but dont spend a lot of energy on games or this situation. it will not end anywhere more than likely. just be his friend and if you get anything else, thend that's cooll but i wouldn't be too pressed for it.
