Hi everyone. I'm a young transgender bisexual. A male trapped in a female's body. I've come out as bi to a few of my close friends and they were fine with it. They accepted me. I even told the girl I liked that I liked her, even though she is straight. But then I got the courage to tell my mom, and she told me it was just a phase. Anyone have some advice as to how I can prove to her that I am what I am, and it's not a teenager phase? I looked up a lot on testosterone therapy and would really like to do it when I'm older. I feel like I need to make my mom realize that I am a transgender and not just a tomboy before I tell anyone else. Please help me. I'm really not sure what to do.
It sounds like your mom may not have completely accepted that you are bisexual. I would suggest directing your mom to check out the PFLAG website (pflag.org) and let her take some time looking over the material. It will probably take time, so please don't expect this to happen overnight.
hi I would say time is the only way to prove it is not a phase. although someone else may have better advice on actual actions you could take. I wish you lots of luck and support (*hug*) by the way I admire your courage in being able to come out to your family I have not been able to. (there are a few reasons but still) lol
I'm actually dealing with pretty much the same problem now, only I'm 36 & my mum is n denial still since I came out to her last month. I told her I planned on seeing a therapist & starting the process going on transitioning fully to my true gender and ever since, on the rare occasion she mentions it, she just asks if I've changed my mind about it all or if I'm still doing it. I keep telling her yes, but she just isn't getting it. Eventually when I'm comfortable, I'll probably give her the PFLAG site so she can read into things, but I'm waitiing until I see a sign that she's going to be open-minded enough about it first. If I give it to her & she can't be bothered or refuses to read it because it makes her uncomfortable, then it pretty much defeats the purpose IMO. Give it some time, as TraceElement has said already, this isn't going to hapen overnite, your mom will need some time to adjust. Despite overwhelming evidence pointing to me being female in a male body pretty much over my entire life, my mum still can't really deal with it, & that's having actual first hand knowledge that I'm not making it up (she has caught me many times since the age of 13 & 14 wearing girls clothes, so she KNOWS this isn't a phase & it didn't happen overnite, but she still can't seem to deal...).
Thank you for the advice. I will give her some time and then show her the PFLAG site. Also, kiersten, it stinks that your mom is still in denial. I hope she'll accept it soon. I'm really glad I found this site. It's been helpful already! And if time is what it takes, then I'll just have to wait it out.
There is no reason to prove who you are. You are who you are, and proving that to people will only enable their judgement. If you require approval from others to feel "self-worth", then you should really consider the fact that you have not truly accepted yourself yet. Once you have accepted and explored the person that you are to the full extent, then others may question that identity but you will have the confidence to not care.
Wy, I came out to my mom about a year or two ago and she believed the same thing, but now she's one of my biggest allys and trying to remember he and everything. So I also believe that it takes time. Another suggestion is that you should check out therapists because it helps to work out things that may come up and, for me, I needed to be sure. This, in turn, helped my mom come to terms with me truly becoming myself.
TyRawr, that's true. I don't really require the approval of others for most things I do, but having the approval of my mother would really help. For pretty much anything I do (I live in a rather strict house) I need the consent of my mother. So anywhere I go, anything I buy, any relationship I would have, would have to go by her first. I haven't dated anyone yet, because the girl I like is straight, and my mother doesn't allow me to date at this age. Thankfully, my friends don't question me, and it, along with your comment, is making me realize that I don't really care if people like me for who I am. I'm still going to be that person. Sorry for the rant, and thanks. I've had a rather low self-esteem lately, but I'm slowly building it back up. That may be why I wish for acceptance so much. ---------- Post added 18th Aug 2011 at 02:58 PM ---------- arik, I feel like that would be a good idea, but if my mother still refuses to accept it, it'd probably be hard to get her to go to the therapy sessions, or even take me there.
Tell her a gender specialized therapist in particular, or even any therapist will help you realize if this is really the right thing for you. There are plenty of other reasons why one could believe that they need to be the opposite gender and it's okay if your not sure. (Not that I'm saying you are, sorry). Finding out if it really is the real you is something important to you and can help prove if this really is a phase. That's what you try and tell her. Godda tell the parents that they might have a point sometimes neh?
That is something you are going to struggle with your entire life. You can tell people all the time, everyday, that you have great "self worth" and there will often be a part of yourself that is saying no. As for your mother, it is probably difficult for you to find confidence in yourself, because of the lack of control that you have. Understandably, your mother is involved with you life because you are only 13, but there is a point to which things get a little ridiculous. Once you have established your identity, and you have asserted yourself as an independent person, then she will hopefully respect you, and the decisions you make. Until then, you need to communicate with her. Let her know that sometimes she is over-barring, and that you would like an opportunity to build some trust with her.
arik, that would definitely help a lot. And like most people, I'm probably not entirely sure. Though I am pretty much positive that I'm a bisexual transgender, time could prove that I'm okay with living in a girl's body. Though for now, I am really uncomfortable with it, and pretty much any adult or older person is going to argue it's the teenager hormones. TyRawr, struggling sucks. I will always wish in vain that it'd end. And trust me, I've tried to get my mother to loosen the reins and let me have a little freedom with what I do. And failed. I still feel like a young kid, with a lot of restrictions, and little freedom. I still wish that I was older, if only a year or two, so that she'd be more understanding and willing to let go of "her baby girl". Building trust is hard, but that's my fault and it back-fired on me. I rarely told my mother much of what was going on in my life because whatever she didn't know, was something I kept close. It was like that part of my life that she couldn't touch, change, or take away. So I guess that really isn't going to help me out. And another problem that isn't helpful in the least bit, my mother is bipolar.
Wy, another thing I remembered. If you get your mother on board sooner rather than later she might be willing to get you on hormone blockers which would stop those horrible female hormones. I know you have little control and at seventeen I sometimes feel that way too but remember that your mom seems fairly okay with who you are already which as that phase theory goes away could change for better of for worse, I hope better. With the bipolar try and get her at a neutral or good mood. My gf's dad is a bipolar schizo and I know those lows are sometimes scary and difficult to deal with. I hate to ask this but is your dad in the picture at all? He might be able to help if you just say that you want to talk to a therapist. But if he's not for whatever reason then he's not. Another thought is that you could talk to your school councilor. I know mine have really helped. Also, see if your school has a GSA (gay straight alliance) program. Just having people like here on ec helps a lot too.
Well, my mother is in a good mood for the most part this week, so I might, if I get the guts, be able to address this somewhat. Hormone blockers would be amazing, and if I could get them, it'd be one step up in everything, including my self-esteem. My father was never married to my mother, but it doesn't really bother me. I don't talk to him much, but we keep in touch and he comes to visit. He married and my step-mother is normally nice, but overreacts way too much. Also, he's with the coast guard, and is constantly moving from state to state. Right now he's in Maine, whereas my mother, her boyfriend, and I are in PA. I'm starting school at PA Cyber Charter School. My old school had a, well, bad curriculum and thought the guidance councilor there was nice, she wasn't exactly the one to go to with stuff like this. And as for PA Cyber, I know they have a guidance councilor, but I'm honestly afraid to approach any adults with this, fearing their reaction. And yes, the all of you on ec has already been so helpful.
Well first feel it out with them. I know that at my school theres the safe to tell posters on every supportive teacher's door or in their room. Sometimes you just have to let your guard drop and take a chance. Maybe first test the waters with just talking about how your bi and want other people to talk to in school. Ask for a GSA program. Well my thought is that your dad might help convince your mom to let you see a therapist at least. (I know my gf's mom has to do the same with her dad a lot of the time.)
Well, my old school is really small, and doesn't have much money, so I'm not sure if they would be able to have a GSA program. Also, the students there don't like to get involved in anything really. And the only reason I keep my old school in the options is because I'm still in that school district. But I might be able to talk to the guidance councilor at PA Cyber, and might be able to get my two friends, who also go there, to help me convince them to get a GSA program. One of the many good things about PA Cyber is that even though everything is online, they still hold field trips and are there for you. And they have and 'Every Child By Name' policy, so every student through PA has someone to go to if they need help. So I'll look into that. As for my dad helping convince my mother, he's rarely home or online and I can't contact him while he's at work. I didn't even tell him I'm bi, let alone transgender. I know I keep way too much from my parents, but it's my way of showing I have some kind of control over my life. I can try, I just have to get the guts to do it.
No I understand keeping some things from your parents, especially a dad who you don't see that often. So don't feel bad or immature because your trying to take some control of your life. It's great that you have such a supportive new school and I assume you have internet seeing as you go to an online school so you have your own cybeer-gsa here. lol
If only I could actually keep it without it somehow backfiring on me. My new school is so much better. Many more opportunities, choices, and people to go to. And yep, this has proven to be my own cyber-gsa.
