Hi guys. So, since I've joined EC I've been wondering whether or not I Kay be bi-gender. At first I thought I was just a transvestite, but I realized that when I dress, I want to be completely a man, and sometimes in my head I feel 100% man. I know I'm not FTM, because I also like being a woman, in fact probably 80% of the time I feel like a woman, but other times I feel like a boy. Sometimes I feel like two different people. So I think I am at least a little bi-gender. So anyway, soon I am dressing in front of other people for the first time ever. Don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but I do a bit of fantasy modeling, as well as pin up stuff and figure work. The other day I told my photographer that I want to do a shoot as a man. We're doing Edwardian style/Sherlock Holmes inspired shoots soon. Half of me is excited but half of me is terrified. Obviously it's stylized and I don't have to 'pass' per se, but I'm sort of treating this as a test run to see if I could ever work up the nerve to dress in public. I have one friend who I am thinking of telling and I think she would be okay with it and go out with me dressed. Frankly, part of me is terrified. I know I will never make a convincing man. I have a baby face, long eyelashes, and an extremely hour glass figure, but I'm tired of hiding this part of me away. In a way, it feels like beig two people; there's me, a very girly girl with a penchant for corsets and long hair, and Cam, the boy who lives inside me and wants to wear suits and open doors for women and just be acknowledged as a man. I guess as embarrassing as it is to admit I'm just looking for a cheerleader here. Someone to tell me I'm normal, and I'm not crazy, and I'm fine the way I am. Thanks everyone.
It doesn't sound crazy at all. I'd go so far as to say that you sound perhaps as if you may be two-spirited, both male & female. I know how frustrating it is to want to be out in public dressed how you feel. Ever since I came out, I just want to go out dressed as the real me as I feel too, but it is a difficult thing for me to push myself to do at this point. You are not crazy at all tho, & I think you are just going thru a difficult process, like many of us here on EC are. And you are perfectly all right the way you are!
Thanks, really. I just breathed a huge sigh of relief. I always feel so bad about posting on here, because I feel like I just do a huge word vomit all over the forum, lol. I had wondered bottle two spirited thing, I'm actually researching it now. Coincidence? Perhaps not. Thanks so much (*hug*). I hope things get easier for you too!
Thanks! I really hope so too. This is a pretty rough area where I live to even try & be openly gay, so God knows how I'm going to transition to my true gender here...
Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to line in NY and then I moved down South. BIG shocker there, lol.
I know exactly how you feel. I've been trying myself to put it into words and i think your words hit it right on the head for me at least. I know i'm not trans but sometimes i just feel like a guy, i want to dress in a suit, wear jeans and a t-shirt and be taken as one of the guys. I'd say for me it's about 40% girl when i feel very girly and want to get nice shoes and maybe wear some makeup but the other 60% of the time i feel boyish. I like to be independent and resent men doing things for me because when i feel like a guy i can do everything for myself. I even hold doors open for women, granted sometimes i get odd looks but whatever. I'd probably not pass for a guy if i did go out as one, i'm very short not very curvy but i do have a girlish face. I think you should give it a try if you want to. Also, that photo shoot sounds awesome! Good luck with it, let us know how it goes!
Hey, mischa, can we swap bodies please? But yeah, Melusine, I know exactly how you feel, with the gender bit swapped around, but that makes little difference. I'm fine with being a guy most of the time, but constantly expressing only one part of yourself becomes frustrating and the rest of you wanna scream out. As for how bigendered I am, I can't say really. But it is fluctuating around 50/50. I mean if I could somehow be reborn after my own choice, I'd go for female in a heartbeat. Not good at advice on these things, but I can share
It's encouraging to find people who feel the same way. I will definitely let you guys know how be shoot goes! I describe it as an 80/20 situation but also sometimes I think that is only because I'm repressing a part of me. I actually talked to a friend about it last night and she said she'd always known it was something likethat because there are days when I am definitely 'masculine,' even if I'm in a skirt and heels. She told me not to worry about it, because even though I haven't put it into words for many people (basically you guys and her) everyone already knows me for who I am and if they didn't like both parts of me they wouldn't hang out with me. She actually laughed and said she likes it when I'm in guy mode because I'm very protective and attentive to her and my mother female friends. She was a little reticent to understand the need to dress as a guy, but I think it came out of a place of worry and I appreciate her support regardless. Thanks everyone! You're all epic amounts of excellent.
You'll have to do that I too find it incredibly hard to define myself, so I kinda gave up on that. When I was a kid I would be equally interested in doing girly stuff or guy stuff. Except sport maybe. never did sport. I was also mistaken for a girl many times, especially when I was a little kid. I became very self-conscious of that when I got older, and I still am. I'm not a very masculine guy, and I don't try to be either. I actually fit quite well in to regular women's clothing and shoes and I sometimes swap regular jeans and a t-shirt for more feminine jeans and a top when at home. So yeah, I dress according to mood at home. I don't think I'll ever take it much further. Not because I wouldn't want to in an ideal world, but I am to conscious of the people around me I fear. I am not very good at normal relationships though as I don't turn out to be the person girls expect, so I think I need to find some nice bisexual girl with an open mind. I do have some good female friends though.
It really is, i'm glad you decided to post about being bigendered actually because i was thinking of it but like i said couldn't figure out how to word it. That's funny how your friend noticed that side of you and great that she supports you.
Why would you need to change? You're not crazy, and I think it's fine to be one gender half the time and the opposite the other! It's what makes you yourself, and you should be happy with it! ^-^ (How's that for a cheerleader? lol!) Sounds like a very fun case of a split-personality! XD
Wow, so its crazy how much I can relate to this thread. I used to pretend to be a girl online when I was like in middle school, and I would get obsessed with wanting to be a girl. I would stay up at night and pray to wake up as one. The desire was intense but it would come and go, and I generally just tried to ignore it because even though I wanted to be a girl, I didn't feel uncomfortable as a man or anything that would make me go through the hardships of trying to transition. Still, just glancing through threads its seems that there are actually a surprising amount of people that have similar feelings and it makes me feel a little better about myself.
