So I've been seriously contemplating coming out to my folks soon... I'm out to everyone except my family. The main thing holding me back, though, is that I'm nervous about the questions that will arise. You see, I can already imagine my mom asking me how I came to find out I'm gay... or ask about the openly gay girl I've been hanging around with for so long now... So the story is, this girl is actually my girlfriend (all of my friends know this... only my family is in the dark). Before I met her, I thought I was straight. I'm completely convinced otherwise now. Now that I think about it, I've always been attracted to boyish girls, ever since elementary school. Never been into dudes so much. Anyway, I only really realized this when I fell hard for this girl. The issue here is... She is 38 years old (I'm 20), and has a "partner"... but it's more complicated than that. They're in an "open relationship"... but they're not really "together" anymore. They've just sort of drifted apart... they're more like roommates now. Her partner has another girlfriend now as well. Anyway, I know it's an extremely unconventional relationship (same sex, wild age difference, a bit of polyamory in the mix... what else could you ask for!?)... So I fear how my folks will react to this. I know it's crazy that I'm with this girl, but we relate so well to each other despite the age difference, and it really doesn't feel like she's so much older than me at all. She's mature, yet totally cool. And I truly love her greatly, and I'm the happiest I've ever been (We've been together for just about a year now, for those of you who are wondering). Anyway, my parents both love her and think she's a great girl... but they don't know that we're much more than friends. I don't want to taint their opinion of her, or make them want to refrain me from seeing her, especially since I'm moving back home. Any protips or comments? Should I wait until I move out for good to come out? That could be a few years though... Should I come out but avoid talking about her? This might prove to be difficult... My mom at least will be suspicious... Should I throw all caution to the wind and tell them all about it? As an outside perspective, what are your views/concerns regarding my relationship with this girl? I will continue seeing her regardless of what my parents think, but I'd just like to have an idea of whether they'll be accepting or not. What do you guys think? I'm just so lost. :/ Thanks so much in advance for your advice and support, my dear EC fam.
Your family would be right to be concerned about the age difference. An eighteen-year gap is significant, especially at your age. The polyamory aspect will probably also concern them, though I'm not concerned by it. I would think very carefully about the relationship you're in, it's very hard to be in a healthy relationship with that much of a maturity gap (and if there isn't one, it's more likely to be because she's horribly immature than because you're especially mature).
I know exactly what you mean... but we really don't seem to have a maturity gap issue... She's very optimistic and youthful, yet supremely wise and mature. I feel she's very well-suited for me. She's very selfless, supportive and helpful with everything. She always knows exactly what to do and say, and we're always there for each other and have grown heaps thanks to each other. The past year has been the best one of my life, and I feel like she's a very enriching part of my life, so I really don't want to lose her to something as trivial as the uncommon circumstances of our relationship. I just wish I knew how to make others (namely my parents) understand.
