I want to tell her and help her understand, but I keep putting it off.

I want to talk to my mother about being a bisexual transgender (FtM), but I keep putting it off. I already told her, but she says it's just a teenager phase. I've looked into the gender therapists, but the closest for me are in Philadelphia and are pricey. I've known this for about a year or so now, though I've always really been attracted to both guys and girls, and I've never felt comfortable being a girl (FtMs, you know what I mean, I don't know how else to put it). I should say about a year ago I began researching my feelings and was able to put them in words.

I want to help her understand that it's not a phase, and I really am serious about it. I know I keep putting it off because I've never been one to share things with my mother, and the situation gets uncomfortable for me. But I don't want to keep putting it off because the only way I can go through transition, or get something such as a binder, is through my mother. I want to be able to change as early as I'm allowed and money allows. And the early she understands, the early I can get her to use male pronouns and the name that I've chosen for the time being.

I feel like if I put it off much longer, I'm going to go into a depression. I've already lost interest in things like softball/baseball and being out with family, which I used to enjoy very much. I don't want this to get any worse.
Any advice, tips, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Please and thank you.

 

It's hard to get her alone and when she's not doing anything in the first place and then I get scared and can't get her alone for a while. I'm thinking about getting my one friend that knows (I'm only out to two friends about being bi, they don't know I'm trans) to help me out, though I'm not sure how well that would work. And I'd have to be able to tell them I'm trans as well.