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Didn't know this could get so tiring...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by XXReye, Aug 19, 2011.

  1. XXReye

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    *sigh* Being around my family. I've been out as trans for over 2 months now and nothing has changed. Every second it's my birth name, or them calling me a girl, and it's just...I sit there and it shoots me down every time. I'm afraid of even saying anything because I know they will just be worse to me about it afterward.
    Not sure why I'm posting this, guess I just needed somewhere to vent about it. But it really brings me down. I guess I go through times where I think, "All I need is to just be secure in who I am and I will be alright!" then everything happens to try to prove me wrong.
    Last night I was at the gay bar and went into the men's washroom, and there was this drag queen in there who said, "You know this is the MEN'S washroom right?" Yes, I am aware of that. (As if I wouldn't know which bathroom I walked into? They're on opposite sides of the room). It's sad that even at a gay bar, people can't just let me be me. It isn't the first time that has happened. I'm often afraid I won't pass well enough to use the men's, but I need to start making myself cause I can't just keep bending over and letting people tell me which gender I should be...

    Ah...I think I'll stop before I rant all over the whole world :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  2. ICTOAUN

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    no its cool man, keep venting. i need a vent myself. im sorry things are so hard for you at home right now.
    that makes me mad that the drag queen commented on which restroom you were in :bang:. im sorry. i empathize with you. (*hug*)
     
  3. StarofMiyu

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    Dude, it's the exact same way for me. NO ONE understands that my name is Colette and not Kyle, and it's her and not him.
     
  4. Dalmatian

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    I guess there are all kinds of people everywhere, gay bars included. You could have just answered calmly "I am a man" and walk past him. Maybe he would even apologize. Regardless, you shouldn't let it get to you (look at me all being a smartass :slight_smile:). As for the venting, please do vent on :slight_smile:
     
  5. Katelynn

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    I can sympathize, believe me. I've been out to my mum since the end of July (she went & outed me to my dad even tho I asked her not to & to wait until I was ready to say something) & ever since both my parents have been using my full first birth name (Chris is my birth name, but they're starting to insist on 'Christopher' now), which is hard because that' not who I am, I'm Kiersten. It gets even harder when they start pushing me about cutting my hair & dressing more professionally (I'd love to, just I'd rather wear a dress than a shirt & a tie or things like that, hell, I'd even take a nice pantsuit if I could). The ONLY time I can wear just a girly tee & just bum around the house is when both of them are gone or both of them are sleeping, which is sometimes agonizing to have to wait for in both cases. I find myself snapping at them all the time because of it, which just ends up causing arguments I never wanted to have. My only solution is to just move out now, which is sad that's come to this, but also not surprising considering the other issues I have with the both of them ON TOP of being transgendered...
     
  6. Sadepeura

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    That sucks. :frowning2: But you are who you are and no one can change that. And you should just keep using the men's bathroom, it's not like you're exactly meant to use the girl's one. :grin: If someone tells you comments about it in the future just come up with an answer.

    And I can't say much about your family. There's not anything else you can do apart from telling them to call you with your proper name. And let them know that it upsets you that they as the people you love the most are not doing it.

    Stay strong! *hug*
     
  7. maverick

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    If someone doesn't call you by your true name, don't answer them.

    All you can really do at this point is be defiant, until they recognize that you're serious. Your family has to realize that their disapproval will not push you back into the closet.
     
  8. Robert

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    It doesnt matter what anyone says, until you're living away from your parents home, they will never respect you as a true human being. In the back of their mind, they still think of you as (or wish you to be) a stupid little kid.

    This issue can only be solved by you showing yourself to be more independent. Do everything you can to achieve this.