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Friends then Dating OR Going into Dating Right Away To Get To Know Someone?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by perfectscorpio, Aug 20, 2011.

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  1. perfectscorpio

    perfectscorpio
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Some people say that the best way into relationships is to establish a solid friendship, "talking to them" for a certain amount of time (couple of weeks, a month or so) and then you think about dating them and taking it to that next level. Others say that dating allows you to get to know someone; that's what it's about.

    I can't help but wonder...which one's better?

    And also, if you like someone, but you want to get to know them as friends first, how do not fall permanently into the friend zone and make sure that he'll know you still like him (keeping the attraction going)?
     
    #1 perfectscorpio, Aug 20, 2011
  2. Ben

    Ben
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    I don't think there's a perfect recipe for relationships. Different things happen for different people. It's probably good to get to know what you're getting into before entering something with someone, but when you're dating then you've got a good reason to get to know the person well anyway.

    I was sexually active with my boyfriend on the day I met him and we basically stayed at each other's place every day from then on. We've been together a year and we now know each other very well, so it worked out pretty well. I guess that's an example of jumping in the deep end and managing pretty easily to survive. I'm sure we'd be in a similar place right now had we gotten to know each other first.
     
    #2 Ben, Aug 20, 2011
  3. Leif

    Leif
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    I agree with Ben, there is no perfect recipe for relationships. It all depends on you and the person.
    My parents knew each other for two weeks before they got married and they've been together for almost 30 years now. I met my boyfriend and we started dating pretty much the same night and we've been together for a year and a half. On the other hand, I've dated people I knew for years and it turned out horribly.
    I think if you don't want the relationship to get stuck in the Friend Zone the best thing to do is be open and honest that you're interested in the person. Without being overly persistent about it that is.
     
    #3 Leif, Aug 20, 2011
  4. Marlowe

    Marlowe
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    Here is the knowledge I gained while I was still deluding myself that I was straight, and perhaps it is actually dating advice, but perhaps it is a bunch of hogwash. I suspect that most if it is colored by a general cautiousness that was the result of not being interested in my dates sexually. I often found that friends of friends were the perfect place to look for a date. You saw them ever now and again you so knew a bit about them (that they are a friend of your friend says quite a bit in and of itself), but if things went south, you hadn't ruined a good friendship as might dating a friend. I also would try to keep the first "date" or so kind of ambiguous -- something casual, so that you could bail if things didn't pan out without too many hurt feelings.
     
    #4 Marlowe, Aug 20, 2011
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