Need dating advice

Hey welcome to EC.

It can be tough to meet the right person whether you're male or female or looking for a male or female.
In your post you dont really say whether or not you have ever dated men, you say you are bisexual but then you dont specify.

Im guessing you are pretty much solely looking for a new girlfriend. I wouldnt know any specifics about the state of Iowa but im sure someone else will chip in with some advice.
I would say the best things to do are to try and find an LGBT group, then you can at least find some like minded people who can offer some support. You say you are still closeted so going to any kind of gay bar is probably out of the question. The other option is to join some internet dating sites.

 

Hi greatfulyslow! First of all, welcome so much to EC! (*hug*)

If you are looking to find & meet other women for dating or a relationship, I guess it all really comes down to geography & openness. For instance, are there any LGBT support groups or resources that could help direct you where you live to LGBT-friendly businesses & clubs? Like silverhalo said, LGBT support groups can be helpful in that you have people whoo can assist & support you while you are trying to figure things out, perhaps maybe someone might even have some advice for you as well. Are you in a small town close to a larger area or out in a big rural area? Things like that. Proximity to a larger area increases your chances of meeting people a bit sometimes.

As for meeting women, well, I really don't think it's much the same as regular dating (which I've always hated how people regard that, as far as I'm concerned, same-sex dating is regular dating, all the nervousness & awkwardness of a hetero date still applies with a same-sex date), although there will differences in approach & etiquette sometimes. Try jumping on the internet & trying a dating site to see if anyone else in your area might also be in your situation & looking for someone. Get out to a club & see if you can meet people that way (although this is usually my least preferred & least used way of trying to meet people). Dating a same-sex partner & finding someone for dating isn't reinventing the wheel, much of it can be the same sometimes, like I said it can really depend on your area sometimes. I don't know Iowa at all, so just take your time & don't panic. Hope this helps a bit...

 

I think sometimes it is easier to think, im going to spend some time and effort trying to meet a few other same sex people, so that I have some support and to broaden my friendship group and then just take it as it comes and see what developes as far as romantic involvement. I think if you are not out, and are not fully confident in yourself then sometimes going out thinking I must try and find myself a girlfriend can only end up in frustration or in you getting involved with the wrong person because your priorities were wrong. If there is a place not that far from you with gay clubs I would say its more likely that there will be some form of LGBT group in that area too.

 

It's OK to be scared! You'll find that there are many people here on EC that feel exactly the same way, so you're defintely not alone in how you feel. I can cetainly sympathize with your situation geography-wise tho. I live in a place where being gay or bisexual is very frowned upon & there are no LGBT support groups or services here. I too, would have to drive for an hour to a larger city to find LGBT-friendly business, niteclubs & support groups, so you're not alone with this situation either. Being bisexual is just as difficult as being gay in an intolerant area too. And I agree, you shouldn't nor should any of us, need to label ourselves with the names society has in order to identify ourselves to the homophobic masses. As far as a healthy relationshp goes, it is certainly better to be with someone who respects you than womeone who does not, so the same rule would apply to dating women as it would dating men - if anyone you meet treats you like crap, don't stick around, it could be dangerous & you certainly deserve someone who will respect you, just like we all deserve. Don't feel dumb either for not knowing everything. Things are somewhat new to you in a way, so it will take time to learn & grow a bit. It's not being dumb, it's just not having discovered the whole picture of yourself & who you are yet! It can be scary, but it can also be fun & educational sometimes too! Oh, and as relationships go, I don't see healthy gay relationships or healthy lesbian relationships & I, myself, just see healthy relationships. Sometimes it can help a bit to have the perspective where everything is just normal, because quite honestly, if it feels normal & natural, then it is. For me (I consider myself & identify myself as a woman & have felt female my whole life), a relationship with another woman is normal. If I were a gay male, I would still feel the exact same way & look it that way. It's who you are, you're not different, you're just unique & it's the rest of the world that has it issues... Sorry for the long post & bit of a rant, but tht's how I feel about it! And yes, no matter who you date, dating is pretty much the same, both the good & the bad. If the rest of society could see it that way, things would be a little bit better!