Hi everyone this is a LONG post, bear with me, I've been dealing with a lot of things, Here am I, posting a new thread about the ups and downs of having come out to my family a month ago. I feel a little dumb writing my thoughts here but I really need other Gay people point of view, I'd like to know if I'm the only one that has passed trough this. So I came out to my family a month ago and right since I told them, they all started judging me like: "You've always been overprotected, that made you gay" or "You're confused, you're not really gay" or even "You surely are afraid of women, so you decided to try luck with the boys (The most stupid they've told me so far)" They all are doctors, like medical. So they treat me like a patient who has to be cured, and instead of talking with me about being gay and what it means to me, they just quote old DSM (The new editions, that are 40 years old discard homosexuality as a disease, i recall) and tell me I'm trastornated and they hope I see how I'm wrong. This makes me feel uncomfortable even at home and still they wonder "Why have you been so distant lately? (Bitches, please!) I've talked several times with my mother about it and she always says this is just a phase and that when I'm a grown up I'll see my mistake (I'm 20 already!) She has also told me that she'll never want to meet any boyfriend I have and that I shouldn't ashame my parents. I've already come out to 3 friends all with supporting responses, and even got to talk them about my crush (My whole coming out and self-accepting process started because of this gorgeus boy that attends a class with me) I sometimes question myself if this crush has been worth all this drama and inestability, what If he's straight? But then I realize It would have been worse If I never dealed with my homosexual feelings. I often find myself saying Why can't I like girls like every other dude? But still I don't feel aroused by them, and I'm pretty sure I never will as I've never had. I mean, what my family has said to me makes me question why I like boys, but hasn't made me like girls AT ALL. Wich leaves me feeling like an asexual being. I still dream of finding a man I can spend my life with, but I feel like a weird being everytime I'm home. I seriously will appreciate your thoughts on my situation, Any feedback you have is important. Thanks for reading this post! I know it's long but It makes me feel better to put it into words.
not much you can do to change their responses. now that the cat is out of the bag, its not about you, you did your part. unfortunately change is awkward so it'll take some getting use to for them. if they can't accept it, well, you'll deal with it as it progresses I trust. best wishes you brave soul you.
Your family members are the ones going through a phase - the denial phase. They are having to cope with the idea of a "new" you, which means letting go of the image of you they had before, and this can be a long process with several stages. Be true to yourself, be firm in your knowledge of who you are, and hopefully they will come around sooner rather than later.
Has the crush been worth all the drama? Definitely. Take it from someone who was at your age (as I'm starting to realize) as sure about his sexuality as you are now, but chose the other way, the wrong way. I spent a decade, my twenties, on denial and self-imposed asexuality and depression. You've done the right thing and now that you allow yourself to be who you are leave others to deal with their own denial. I congratulate you; and good luck with the gorgeous one :icon_wink
my questioning and coming out and the process of self-acceptance was also prompted by a crush . . . only i'm more than a decade older than you. my crush (who actually is lesbian herself) turned out to be an extremely nasty and manipulative person, who really hurt me. i resent her sometimes, for "making" me realize this about myself and now i have to deal with it, but i know it's not really her fault. as many people have told me, it's always better to know yourself - and i hope you will see that too, regardless of how things turn out with your crush. in some ways i wish i'd actually known sooner, so i could have the benefit of college experiences
I've never seen things this way, it's a good thing to keep in mind. They're the ones going trough a phase. Thanks! The problem is there's no such thing as PFLAG where I live. I mean, not like, in my town, maybe country but not town. Oh my, I'm sorry to hear that, this comment has definitely helped me, in a very good way. Thanks :icon_bigg
I fully agree with Dalmatian. Like him, I lived a long self-imposed asexual lifestyle while trying to figure these emotions. Did I wait too long? No, but I do realize my life would be very different if I had come out at your age. If you're in college, see if they have a LGBT group or social club. If not, look online for ones in your area. Do your research and find safe, fulfilling ways to express your sexuality. It's a whole new world.
My grandmother was the same way, she eventually got over trying to convince me to be straight but still from time to time bothers me and asks when I'm going to marry a man. I'm not sure what advice to give you but I am proud of you for coming out, its a hard thing to do. (*hug*)
