Hi.. this is probably not that much a "Support and advice" question, but I'm kind of in a permanent need for both, so I'll just stick my new confusions here. Lately, I've been having a tough time trying to cope with the whole unleashing-the-previously-neutered-sexuality troubles. It's ruining my life. But that aside.. I've been talking to a guy I'm in painfully too much love with and I am finding my sexuality even more confusing now. The thing is.. talking about my feeling towards him, we came, of course, to discussing his feeling towards men. He's absolutely straight and absolutely homophilic. He's been interested in sexuality in general for a long time, he studied it with some people who are the foremost experts in that field in our country and is pretty well educated (although not formally) about all aspects of sexuality. Feeling intuitively there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, he'd thought at some point of trying gay sex, out of curiosity, but never went for it because he could not get over the repulsiveness of it. Back to me.. I've never ever found any woman attractive and even through all the denial years I always had some guy in my life I had a semi-crush on. I am attracted to men, I don't notice women in that sense at all. However... I am curious. And if a chance presented itself, I would maybe want to have straight sex. If not, it would not be because of any repulsiveness. So, what I am trying to ask is... how do you feel about having sex (or being intimate in general) with a person of the "wrong" sex, ie. one you don't see yourself attracted to? Can I be bisexual but not know it having never been intimate with a woman (or man for that matter)? Or am I just mistaken in thinking I would not be repulsed by the act? Or is he wrong in thinking he would? I'm just coming to accept my homosexuality.. I don't want to go to the bisexual confusion now..
Hopefully someone with a little more experience in matters of sex in general will be able to follow me up on this one, but I can give you my narrow teenage perspective. I'm finding it a little hard to put my feelings about straight sex into words, but I know personally I'm not curious and would not try it at all (note: It's not because the idea is repulsive, I just have no curiosity about it). However, I'm not you, and that's why I'd rather focus on dealing with your major questions. From your own writing, you say that you've never found a woman attractive. To me that says "I'm gay, through and through, Kinsey 6." Curiosity is a strange thing, though, and it can suggest to us things that we would never consider normally. So, I'd say the fact that you're curious means you're human, not bisexual. I mean, you might have an inkling of opposite sex attraction, but it's clearly not enough to actually cause you to normally desire women. As far as the act being repulsive, both of you can be correct. People are different, and it's ok for things outside a comfort zone to be repulsive or non-repulsive. tl;dr: Don't worry too much about this. Curiosity is natural, and for you to be curious is human, not a definition of your sexuality. Since you've only been attracted to men for the entirety of your life, you're probably fully homosexual, Kinsey 6. Even if you're not, you're clearly not very bisexual, since (as was stated just a moment ago) you've only been attracted to men for the entirety of your life. I hope this helps! (*hug*)
so...i had three boyfriends before i realized i was a lesbian. none of them lasted more than a couple of months and i just barely scratched the surface of sexual activity with the last one. and then i finally admitted it to myself...i hate kissing guys. it's gross. and you know, maybe all three of them were bad kissers. but i had convinced myself i loved it. i so despised the idea of my homosexuality that i told myself i liked guys and it almost worked. and even now that i've (pretty much) accepted myself, there's still the occasional guy that catches my eye, and i say "hey, he's attractive." but i don't want relationships with them. your orientation is all about who's going to make you happy. who would you rather be with? what i noticed as well was the fact that whenever i was with one of my boyfriends, just alone and doing whatever, i felt like i was watching myself be with him. i felt like i was acting like a different person, doing the things and going through the motions that a straight person would. but if and when i find the right girl, i feel like i will be myself through and through. i've never had an experience with a girl but i sure as hell never want to have a boyfriend again. it wasn't right, and it wasn't me. so as far as your confusion goes, you sound like you know what you want. if you like guys, you like guys...and most people have some curiosity at some point in their lives, but curiosity is a world away from the need you feel for the gender that is right for you.
Obviously I can't tell you if you're bisexual, though it definitely sounds like you lean toward the gay end of the spectrum... As far as having sex with the "wrong sex", I did it for years with various boyfriends. It was alright. Always it felt like something I wasn't opposed to, but did more for my boyfriend's sake than my own, if that makes any sense. For me, I'm not even opposed to having sex with guys NOW, except that it's not really what I WANT. Guys don't feature in any of my private fantasies and they don't set me on fire like girls do. So, I label myself "pretty gay" at a Kinsey 5 because while having sex with guys isn't offensive, it's not what I'm really looking for. It's not what gets me going when I'm really honest with myself about it. BUT that's just me. The reality is, you're an adult. You can experiment if you're that curious about "straight sex". But even if you don't, you seem pretty aware that guys are what really trip your trigger, so to speak, and that's a good thing to know about yourself. Hope that helps
That's how I felt when I was with boys as well. That I'm just watching myself and concentrating on what I'm doing. Also, just like thedreamwatch said, I can have sex with boys but I'm not doing it for my sake. It's more like a "favour" for them and that's not how it should be. I'm just not interested in their body and they don't turn me on, no matter how lovely I find them otherwise. It just doesn't work. Sure you can have sex with a girl if you want to, but I don't recommend it if you don't feel like it's a good idea. You'd know if you were a bisexual because then you would really, truly want to be with a girl you have a crush on. And if you only have crushes on men... sounds like you're just gay. But there's no way to know that you will NEVER have a crush on a girl. Anything could happen.
