I kind of need to get this off my chest. Some guy from Law school kept inviting me to parties over Facebook, and I kept politely refusing (I don't like parties at all. I get anxious at them and don't really know what to do. It's very awkward). This Thursday, a friend of mine, who doesn't know I am gay, told me she thought that guy was hitting on me. Apparently, he is also gay (gossip says he was seen making out with some Professor's assistant at a party), and I didn't know that. He is really cute and sweet. I don't know what to do, because I'm not ready to come out at the Uni, but I feel like I'm wasting a fantastic opportunity. I'm even not entirely sure if he really is gay. Although he is very nice to me, we aren't really friends or anything, so I don't think he would like to talk to me and hear about my problems. I've never been in a relationship or even kissed anyone, so that makes me even more anxious. I do welcome advice, but I probably won't have to courage to do any of it. As I said in the beginning of the post, I just wanted to tell someone.
You could always arrange some other form of 'hanging out time', per se, going to a movie or to a coffee shop to talk. If you really want to hang out with this guy just say, "Hey parties aren't really my thing (you don't have to get into your reasons if you feel uncomfortable), could we meet up to have coffee?" If he really wants to get to know you, he'll agree. You could also talk to him over Facebook, get to know him a little better. I'm sure if he's kind to your face and trying to invite you to parties he wouldn't mind talking to you. As for the coming out thing, you're a little ways off of that. Take it one step at a time. Get to know this guy, if he is gay and interested then you guys can discuss coming out (or not). For right now, talk to him and get to know him. And if you try to talk to him and he doesn't seem interested, than you will know he wasn't interested in being friends or something more. Just a hook up or someone to further his social circle.
You need to come out on your own time and when you feel you are ready to, But I do agree with Flyers2011 You could ask him to meet up for coffee sometime, might make it a great friendship.
I agree! It's scary to think of coming out (I've yet to do it myself, and I've never dated/kissed anyone either), but it's probably best to take things one step at a time. And always remember--YOU NEVER HAVE TO COME OUT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!! Even if it feels like you're under pressure and a guy likes you, it's okay to progress slowly and cautiously. After all, doesn't any relationship have to start with some form of friendship? Go ahead and get to know him a little bit better and see how it goes. We're always willing to listen, too! ^-^
Thank you all. As always, you people are very prudent and helpful. I'll see what I'll do. Just to clarify, it's not that I don't want to come out. I really do. That's a main goal of mine. I've come out to my first person about a month ago, and it felt amazing. I'm just not ready to do it to more yet, especially not to most of my class colleagues at the same time. Again, thanks.
