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Advice: Back to School, Coping & National Coming Out Day

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Daydreamer1, Aug 22, 2011.

  1. Daydreamer1

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sorry if all of this seems jumbled and is incoherent, it's about 5AM here and I refuse to go to sleep. Also, sorry about how long this might be. I just want to try to get as much info out as I can.
    ____
    :help:

    I go back to school in 14 days I think, and I'm not too happy about it (not sure who is). My anxiety has been a rollercoaster ride of just pure chaos for the past few months, and I recently stopped taking my anti-anxiety medication because I don't think its helping me. (my doctor is a bit worried about raising my dosage and wasn't sure about it the last time; and my "therapist" kept bringing medication up when I saw her about three weeks ago) What can I do to manage my anxiety without using meds?
    --
    The thing that has me so concerned about school,besides my fears of not being able to graduate and failure; is how I have no idea how I'm going to cope or manage with my dysphoria. I'm still partially in the closet and I think only one friend knows about me being trans (the others know but aren't saying...or they're just too blind to see what I post but whatever) and I don't know where my mom stands on the issue; since I brought it up twice and we never spoke about it again. [And she still addresses me by female pronouns like there's no tomorrow] So I'm out to like .5% of the people I know.

    Attempting to get through last year was a nightmare of constant emotional breakdowns and I nearly failed the year (by tiny hairs close) because of my anxiety attacks, depression and I was working myself up so much that I made myself physical ill. The days I couldn't stay home because I missed too much time; I'd end up getting sick anyways. So right now, I have no idea what's going to happen;since I don't want to fail the quarter because I illegally took a week off because of how my dysphoria is whooping my ass. What should I do in terms of coping methods until I can turn 18 (this November) or when I physically can and my mom allows me to?

    [Side note: I was going to the nurse's office so much; maybe 2-3 times a month,that one of them suggest I go to the doctors (I complained of horrible stomach aches *which I 8/10 mistook for cramps, and the remaining were just how sick I was making myself with due to my anger and dysphoria*; and one wanted to check that I wasn't cutting because I'm seen wearing wristbands all the time. (and no, I don't cut]
    ---

    The last thing is something that's been on my mind for months and that's National Coming Out Day. I was going to participate last year,but I chickened out. I'm not sure why I'm so dead set on doing it this year, but I just feel that the sooner I get out; the sooner I can build a support group and get help. I'm planning on coming out on Facebook, but I'm not sure how. Should I just flat out say it or what? My problem with this ties into the second question I had and that's with school. I highly doubt I'd be able to transition in the middle of the year and I don't feel safe at my school (I won't go into all the details) if I come out while I'm there. Which is why I'm afraid to come out while I'm still in school; that I'll face harassment or worse. [And I have no ideas how LGBT rights are in my state, especially for students] I'm completely torn and lost with what to do. Stay in the closet and possibly explode, or come out and face possible threats and harassment from my narrow minded classmates (and possible family).

    So...with my situation, how should I go about coming out?

    Sorry for how long this was. Thanks if you can help in any ways.
     
    #1 Daydreamer1, Aug 22, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2011
  2. Jay

    Jay
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    To a certain extent, yes.

    Hi there! You need a hug. Maybe two. Maybe a thousand and I have as many internet hugs for you!

    Now, what I would advise you to do is to first and foremost focus on your anxiety. If you don't want to use medication, could you ask your mom for yoga classes? Meditation and Yoga can help to relax and lower your anxiety. Learning breathing techniques can also help you relax and well, yoga is a great thing both for your body and mind.

    Now, about school, ask for help whenever you need one. Do you guys have a school counselor? Don't be afraid to talking to him or her. Do your school offer tutoring? It might sound like a last resort, and possibly it is, but if you feel you're failing your subjects it's alright to ask for tutoring.

    Then, you can focus on coming out or not. My advise? You're not yet ready. Coming out is dangerous for one reason: it's a gamble. If you come out in the right circumstances (NOT on facebook), you might receive great feedback, or bad feedback. And I am extremely sorry if this sounds harsh but I feel you need to love yourself a bit more and get some tougher skin before you take that step because by the way you're talking to us, it makes me believe that as soon as you get a bad response from someone you'll break down, big time.

    Don't feel pressured to participate in the coming out day this year. Find some more love for yourself first, learn to take care of your body and mind, and then you'll be on the right track.

    Oh, and one last thing that will help: Understand that anyone can take EVERYTHING away from you, but no one will be able to take away your peace of mind. No one will be able to touch who you really are, no one will be able to destroy the hope you can have. Always smile, it will make wonders to your days.

    And have a lot more internet hugs. (*hug*)
    Take care,
    Jay.
     
  3. Daydreamer1

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    I have a schooul counselor but I think of her as a "demotivational" one; who crushes the dreams of everyone; which is why I didn't find the nerve to tell her last year since she "never has time to talk" and all that nonsense. If all else fails, I have homeschooling/cyberschooling as an option.
     
  4. LockerPanda

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    Prepare for a long reply to your long post! ;D
    I’ll do my best to reply in some type of order...
    Ps: sorry in advance if I sound like some sort of “self help” book… Apparently I rant from time to time xD
    Anyways,
    Since you’re the same age as me I’m assuming that this upcoming year of school is also your last year of high school. (Correct me if I’m wrong because I have no idea what the schooling system is like down in the states). As for the fear of failing part: just remember that last year’s grades do not have to be the same as this year. You still have time to turn things around! I believe that you will get awesome marks because you sound like you wish to have good marks this year, and that determination is what will get you there.

    How do I know this you may ask? Well if I can go from a 55% in a university level math course to having an 80% final mark the second time around all because I decided to try instead of thinking “you know what? Screw it. Life sucks anyways.” Like I did the first time; then I’m nearly certain that you can as well. The only difference is that you’re dysphoria, and the stressful things that accompany it, were what caused your marks to slip. All I’m saying is that I believe that you’ll be able to succeed despite emotional turmoil. All you need to do is try and get your feelings and thoughts in order.

    Secondly, I would just like to congratulate you on wanting to participate this year! I’ll be participating as well seeing as I was outed a few months back and, because of that, I’ve already started to come out to a few of my friends anyways thinking “Whatever, they’re gona know sooner or later anyways.” I wish you the best of luck!

    Just remember these three things:
    1) Just because it’s national coming out day it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to come out to EVERYONE. If you want to come out on facebook, but not to everyone just yet, there is a way to change the settings in order to block certain people from seeing that part of your profile (I know because I’m blocked certain people and my family from seeing mine just yet).
    2) If you know for a fact that someone is against the LGBT community and that they will most likely treat you as though you caught the plague if they found out that you were anything but straight; then just don’t bother with them. Only come out to the people that you are ready to come out to.

    3) People react differently. It is how it is. I’ve lost my best guy friend after he found out I was bi and stuck in the closet. He reacted negatively. But I also gained many new friends (good friends now) by coming out to them. It all depends on the person. Don’t feel bad if they don’t react positively at first. If they really care about you then they wouldn’t care less which gender you prefer.

    Now, about your mom in regards to coming out to her… You say you brought it up before correct? Was it indirect (as in maybe asking what she thinks about transgendered people or something along the lines of that) or what it more direct (as in just saying that you’re trans, not paraphrasing or anything like that). If she still addresses you by female pronouns it could be just out of habit and she is still trying to get used to it (since she’s known you for so long and been addressing you the same way for a while now it can be a slow process getting used to it). It could also be because she is in denial or that she doesn’t understand how much that bothers you that she is still addressing you with female pronouns.

    My advice for that would be just to bring her aside, when she is in a good mood and isn’t busy with other things, and talk to her. Make it clear that you find it annoying when she’s addressing you with female pronouns as well as why you find it irritating. Do this calmly and make sure that she understands. If it’s just a bad case of denial with her then I’m no so sure how to go about that… it could just be her way of “coping”… I’m not sure.

    As for the anxiety meds: did you decide to stop taking them or did your doctor ask you to stop taking them? By not taking them, depending on the medication, there may be some withdrawl symptoms going on without you knowing it. If you’re starting to feel different compared to when you were on the meds, just be careful. If your doctor never said to get off the medication then I’d advise you to go back on them until you can speak to the doctor again. But if that’s not the case, and your anxiety is still bothering you then I can offer some suggestions. Do you know where it’s coming from? Why do you feel this way, or at least, when did it start? If it’s from being stuck in the closet for a long time then I’m sure that by the time you start coming out of the closet to more people you will feel a whole lot better. Coming out is relieving, kind of like lifting a ginormous burden off your shoulders. It may help.

    If it’s something else that’s bothering you, you can try what I do from time to time: write it out and leave it somewhere like a park or something. It works for me because I feel like I’m telling someone how I feel about something without actually having to communicate with anyone. I’m not sure as to whether or not it would work for you but, hey, it’s worth a try right? It’s pretty much anonymous so there’s basically nothing to lose.

    I hope at least a bit of that made sense; and hopefully I didn’t miss anything… If I did then I’ll re-write or reply this response in order to help.

    I hope everything works out for you and I’m usually lurking around on here if you want to talk. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Daydreamer1

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    I decided to stop on my own, since I don't feel like they're helping me. When my "therapist" raised my dosage up the last time my doctor was a bit...unsure about doing so from what my mom told me. But I'm seeing said "therapist" on the 26th to tell her I've stopped taking them. I'm not sure when I'm seeing my doctor again exactly, but I'm going to be pulled out of school two or three days next month for something.

    I'm not sure where all the anxiety is coming from anymore. Everything seems to just stress me out;but I mainly pin the blame on an ongoing depression (that has been ignored by everyone, and I mean everyone in my personal life. I think the ball probably started moving November or December of 2009) and how long I've been hiding in the closet. I only started feeling a little better when I came out to one of my friends, then more like crap when I keep thinking about how my mom doesn't get it and how much school sucks.

    When the 26th rolls around, I just might show her all the stuff I've written since I last saw her (since I use writing as a way to vent my anger and emotional crap). So maybe she can think of some other solution besides trying to get me on more meds.

    Thanks.:slight_smile:
     
    #5 Daydreamer1, Aug 23, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2011