I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment with my life in general, just finished my education, struggling to get a job etc. But it's brought up feelings of confusion about my sexual orientation I thought I had sorted out. I've been identifying as bisexual for the last few years. I realized I might not be straight around age 14, I had my first ever crush on this lesbian I knew. I spent the next couple of years totally unsure of my sexuality, thinking on one hand it might have been a one off, then noticing that compared to my boy obsessed friends, I was well, not that obsessed. I came to conclusion that I was queer in some form, I wanted to come out to my friends and figured bisexual was the most fitting label. I had a girlfriend a few months ago. Judging by how much it hurt when we ended our relationship I know I must have felt a very strong attraction/love towards her. I loved the closeness, the cuddling, the kissing but we never had what I would call sex because she broke her leg badly 2 weeks after I met her. I find women attractive, I get that wow feeling. What I guess confuses me is I don't find lesbian porn a turn on, I don't know if I'm sexually attracted to them? I've never really had a crush on a boy/man. When my friends rave about some guy's body I just feel apathetic really. There are some actors/models I think are attractive, but I don't know if I'm just appreciating them in the way I might appreciate the beauty of a piece of art? But the times I've watched straight porn, I've enjoyed it. And more strangely I like gay male porn too. And I'm attracted to people who are genderqueer or FtM. I haven't had a proper relationship with a man. There have been a couple of drunken happenings with a man, not actual sex, I wouldn't call them enjoyable but they weren't exactly romantic situations either. I know I don't have to label myself, but in a sense I feel that without a label I don't have visibility. And I want to love whoever I love because of who they are not because of their gender but I feel like at some stage in my life I will have to make a choice. If I don't stay involved in the LGBT community, go to gay bars, date online etc. it's kind of unlikely I will meet a woman. Sorry for the essay, I feel like I've gone back to the position I was in years ago, just needed to offload.
It sounds like you are genuinely attracted to girls. I dated a girl for a while, and it was totally awkward, and the kissing really didn't do much for me despite how much I enjoyed her company and liked spending time with her. I wouldn't worry about not being turned on by lesbian porn. I actually think gay porn to be somewhat sterile as well, not that I have not watched my share of it. I think this holds for much pornography -- it lacks the passion and love and tenderness you find in a real relationship. One things I have noticed is that in most pornography, there is very little body contact apart from the sex act that is occurring. It is the physical intimacy that in many ways turns me on more than the sex itself and so I find the sex in porn to be boring. I would also add that another aspect if how much satisfaction you get from watching porn, essentially being a voyeur. Personally, I would much rather fantasize and so I find that writing or reading erotic literature helps as I can place myself within my fantasy or the fantasy that is going on. Furthermore, a story tends be more like real life and so you can get into it more. There are some excellent writers on the internet that really capture the ecstasy of a long awaited first kiss. In this thread about lesbians who like gay male porn, there are a few more explanations about why lesbian porn is the bottom of the heap. As for having to make a choice, I think categories help us define who we are both inwardly and outwardly. For instance, it is easier to tell someone bi or gay or lesbian than to give your life's story about who specifically you find attractive and in what way. That is not to say that categories are good, but they help us answer the question, "what am I mostly?" I suppose then the question for you is: how interested are you in trying to find an answer for this question?
It does sound like you are moe attracted to girls then you are guys, which is perfectly all right. Sexuality is kind of fluid, so it's a sliding scale sometimes, even tho it's pretty cut & dried at one point or another with someone, the next minute something can cause you to second-guess yourself. It's that whole Kinsey scale of sexuality. As for lesbian porn, it's just ridiculous & you're definitely not alone in not being turned on by it. While I confess I do watch it occasionally, I usually get more turned on by the kissing & caressing then the actual sex, & so I don't find it very helpful in any way for me. I will also admit that gay male porn does turn me on, but not in the I want to go out, pick up a guy & do that myself kind of way, more of a this isn't as ridiculous, but it's still pretty silly and I like it a bit kind of way, I think there was a thread on this a while back & I can remember a few people saying that gay male porn did more for them than lesbian porn so it sounds to be something you're not alone in feeling. I don't know why I even seperate porn into categories anymore, all of it is just weird & ridiculous. Like Marlowe, I'd much rather fantasize about someone real then an idealized & over-produced money grab of a production with somewhat typical sterotypes. Plus I also agree with Marlowe, the intimacy of a relationship is much more of a turnon than any film could ever be... I wouldn't worry too much about labels either, which seems to be your outlook already. Technically I'm male physically and I'm only attracted to women, buut I identify as a lesbian because I also identify as female myself. Even tho I have never had nor ever will have sex with a guy or even have an interest in it, I still find myself looking at some guys & saying 'yep, he's cute & I could certainly be attracted to him'. Acknowledging attractiveness in either the male or female genders doesn't automatically peg you as gay or lesbian or straight, it just means you find a quality or attribute about that person attractive, a quality or attribute that you probably find more attractive in a girl than you would a guy, but still, if you recognize that quality in a guy, it just means to picked up on it, not that you're into him now...
Don't worry about not being turned on by lesbian porn. After thorough perusal, I'm convinced it was made for voyeuristic straight men. :rolle: The women I'm attracted to don't really have anything in common with lesbian porn stars, who seem to me more like "gay for pay" Girls-Gone-Wild types. And this.
That's the exact problem with lesbian porn. It's been produced & made for straight guys wanting to watch two women together, so the ideal of what the sex is like is insanely overly-exagerated, as most women do not behave that way or speak to each other the way they do in these films. There has been a small amount of lesbian porn produced by women for women, but most women don't usually rely primarily on pornography to begin with for the purposes of fantasy anyway... And I'm the exact same way. The women I tend to go for or become attracted to usually look nothing like the porn actresses they get for this stuff, and most of them do seem too be a gay-for-pay type of actress anyway, which further makes things a turnoff to me...
I don't find porn in general all that interesting. The only type that is somewhat of interest is lesbian porn, but 95% of it is rubbish and made for straight men. I have absolutely no interest in gay porn, as seeing one guy in straight porn is enough for me to lose interest. There are some good lesbian porn out there that is focused on intimacy rather than sterile sex, but it's a rare find. My experience with relationships is pretty similar to what you describe above ... with the added disadvantage that I'm physically male, and the girls I've dated expect regular straight sex. I don't really care much for using my "tools" in that way. To me their just in the way. I'm looking for the intimacy and the female companionship.
