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The situation as it is

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gepoht, Aug 22, 2011.

  1. Gepoht

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2011
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm having problem's, I seem to have fallen in love with my friend and it is increasingly becoming a problem, firstly, I'm a long term MDD sufferer since I was 14, now at the age of 18 it hasn't got any better, I don't speak much except to people I consider close friends, which is three people, two of which I've never met.

    Spending alot of my time online, gaming, I've made many friends over the web, some I've known for year's, I don't consider this weird at all, we speak alot online and even webcam with each other whilst playing game; they are better then any friend's I have ever made within my area or education.

    The friend I have fallen for is presumingly straight, we talk almost every day for hours, I feel very relaxed around him, I can be myself, something I never do with other people, we make each other laugh alot, we have so much in common and can cheer each other up anytime. I say pressumingly straight, but he may be bi, judging by things he has said in the past and his personaility.

    He tells me about his relationship's with girl's, his breakup's, his crushes and ex's and I always cheer him up or give advice as friend's do, however I do feel jealousy at the same time, although I do not make this known. I am still in the closet, I know if I do tell him I'm gay he will be fine with it as he has many gay friends, but I fear it will cuase awkwardness between us if he knew I liked him in that way and it wasn't a mutual feeling.

    He has invited me to stay with him this winter; which I have accepted, I will definatly be out to him before this event occurs, but even if I was out, I wouldn't have the guts to tell him how I feel about him, and I'm not sure how he would react, he is heart broken himself at the moment, as the girl he like's dosn't feel the same way. It is really hard comforting him when at the same time going insane with jealousy over this girl he feel's for.

    The stress is mounting up, not just over this situation, but also I have alot of work to catch up on in college, my father passed away last month(That didn't bother me too much, hadn't seen him for five year's before the hospital visit, alcoholic), but still the stress was there and I'm feeling very lonely, when I'm not talking to him, or my other close friend, I have no one else, I don't really talk to my mother, just small chat between us, I don't really show emotions to anyone.

    I attempted to overdose on my med's last month after a few day's feeling increasingly low, I doubt I will try that again, I didn't need any medical attention, no one even knows; obviously wasn't a leathal dose but sure gave me other problems for a few days after. I'm doing ok now, college is starting again soon and I've promised myself I'll try and talk to more people and make more friends. The main priority right now is thinking of a way to let the friend whome I have a crush on know not only that I'm gay, but I also like him, I want to tell him in a way which won't seem too awkward.

    I apologise for the long post, and going off topic a few time's heheh, havn't written anything about myself or my feeling's in a LONG time.
     
  2. Marlowe

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Welcome to EC! I’m glad you found our community because it sounds like you are going through a rough patch and I hope we can find some answers for you.

    Many of us, including myself, have struggled with falling for our best guy friends. This is not surprising considering how close we become to them. In many ways they are like a boyfriend-lite. I am in a similar situation with my best guy friend and I am constantly conflicted with emotion between being insanely jealous, and really wanting him to be happy with his long term girlfriend. I would suggest taking it in steps. Come out to him, first. I don’t know him so I don’t understand how he would take it if you told him about your feelings for him, but coming out (at least from what I have read) is an important experience and if he is not ready for both of these revelations, it could wind up being a lot more problematic than if you told him them separately. I would suggest not to have false hope, but by taking it one step at a time, and just saying you are gay, this will give him the chance to open up if he were bisexual, and this would make the second conversation a lot easier.

    I struggled with the idea of how to get over my crush since I knew it was having bad repercussions for my emotional health and for our friendship. I got some advice from fellow ECers and the consensus was time, being separated, and looking for someone else. This doesn’t sound ideal for you given how important this relationship is to you, and how difficult you find it right now to make new friends. Still, these are things to think about.

    Finally, PLEASE see a mental health professional. Most colleges have resources that are easily accessible. Suicidal thoughts are enough to make me really disconcerted, but the fact that you attempted something makes me really worried about you. In my experience, when I was feeling fine, it is really easy to put off going to see a counselor. Yet when a relapse of depression came I was totally unprepared and I could not get myself to go to a counselor. It took me nearly a year of alternating bouts of mild and more severe depression before I got help. Of course I was able to cope on a day to day basis, but it did not solve my problems in the long term.

    I hope this helps a bit. If you need anything else, just post some more or message me. You can also private message the moderators. They are an awesome bunch of people, which a lot of advice and life experience. They include a social worker. You can find their contact information in a message you got in your inbox when you joined EC. Finally, as you know from finding friends on the Internet, there are a lot of people out in the world who care, and while many of us can’t be together physically we are still her to support you.