Hi all....I'm sure some of you have probably been in this situation...where people in your family have no idea that the habitual little comments they make about gay people really get under your skin, stirring a darker side of your personality that makes you want to stick a fork up their arse. (Sorry.) Examples: referring to a certain Spanish tennis player as 'the arse-bandit', calling almost anyone who looks clean-cut and fresh-faced or well-dressed "an arse-bandit", anyone grinning/smiling too much on the tv "a bit bloody gay" or using the phrase "bloody bummer" about someone. My family are not monsters: when I told [family member] that when they say 'arse-bandit' it makes them sound like a neanderthal he just said "i like the way it sounds, that's all". I know they would never intentionally hurt my feelings, and they only ever say these comments in complete jest, but the comments get under my skin and bleed out of my eyeballs, sending my blood pressure up. Sorry for the psychotic imagery. And the lengthy-ness. I'm just trying so hard, when they make one of these comments, to refrain from turning to them and going "Hey....shut the ___ up ."
You may just need to calm down a bit really. But surprisingly, gay insults actually don't get under my skin at all. In fact, I am known to call other people 'fags' despite being bi myself (which has led to people to call me a homophobe. Makes perfect sense :lol. But my parents never say such things really.
i think there are two differences. I'd cut your family member some slack. ass bandit is pretty funny. I will probably use it today in some kind of joke towards a friend. with that said though, why does it bug you so much? why do the comments hurt you so much?
With people like this, I usually just turn it back on them with the jokes as well: "Man, you sure do spend a lot of time contemplating asses for a heterosexual." "Oh, get a room." *give them poster of certain arse bandit Spanish tennis player* "Hey, I got you a poster of --- because I know how much you looooooooooooooooooooove him." "Don't be hatin' on the homos, or the Gay Mafia might redecorate in your sleep." In my experience, the best way to shame people out of homophobia is to draw attention to how much attention THEY draw to someone else's sex life. It's uncouth to pay that much attention to someone's sexual attributes or orientation if you are not going to have sex with them. (At least in my opinion.) My dad still draws attention to gay people, but I think it's a nervous thing for him. He jokes when he gets uncomfortable. If he can't tell someone's sexual orientation (or on the flip side, he can REALLY tell someone's sexual orientation) he usually gives me a sideways look to get my visual confirmation on whether that person is gay or not. I don't know how I became the human gaydar, but apparently it's one of my responsibilities now in the family. :lol:
I may not be a homosexual but I get offended and hurt for the gays' part whenever they're insulted not just in family talks but in everyday conversation with other people as well. It's like backstabbing already. Gays aren't doing anything wrong to them and just because they look socially unsuitable, it doesn't mean they need to get commented. Well, I don't actually respond to any of these situations but I defend them whenever I could, without giving the slightest hint I'm bi. Of course, it kind of hurts too to be talked at like that. It's like you're being pierced slowly and carefully. X_X
"Arse bandit" is funny...I actually might use it. I've never heard it before. A friend of mine uses 'no homo' a lot, mostly 'ily, no homo' and 'imy, no homo'. I think it's kinda amusing. The only word that really get under my skin is fag...even just typing it makes me kind sick. I try not to be too sensitive. Being sensitive is not a good thing for people like us. There are so much going against who we are. If we let every little bits have the power to influence how we feel, our lives can become quite unbearable.
While I think "letting it go" is, in many cases, what we queers must do more often than not...I don't think it should have to be that way in your home. Your info says you're only out to your mom at home, but is there any way you could still tell your family you find it offensive when they say that? Point it out when they do it. If they ask you why you're getting your undies in a bundle about it, you could give 'em the old "I know someone who's gay" routine.
Yeah, I guess I should :lol: . jddvtm - It just feels like they're making me feel bad for identifying and conciously choosing a particular lifestyle, you know? Like if one of them was...i dunno...a waiter. And I made comments here and there like "bloody waiter arsehole", or...no, that was a crap example. I get the feeling I'm not explaining myself incredibly well here :eusa_doh: maverick - niiice, I might use some of those :icon_bigg Heeder13 - I completely agree. Sucks, don't it? Uniboth - funnily enough the only word i can really tolerate is 'fag' or 'faggot'. Not that I'll use it. Agree with your last point. thedreamwatch - i started a thread recently on dropping hints...hmm. perhaps I'll go heavy on that. Or when someone makes one of these little comments I'll pick them out for it, make them feel a bit stupid for using that particular terminology. --------- Thanks for your responses everyone! (&&&)
What I do at home, When some one makes a comment like that, I usually say a racial slur about them. "Man, Those fucking faggots need to get a life". "Yeah my N***er." then you go on to explain it's not racist, It's just a funny word you like. Unless they're hypocrites, They'll be ok with it.
"Arse bandit" makes them sound like they're referring to a talented pickpocket. "Hey, did you hear they finally caught the Arse Bandit?"
I talk to my dad about gay rights all the time, he's slightly set in his ways and is a tiny bit homophobic but he agrees that gays should have the same rights as everyone else so he tends not to make jokes. My mother on the other hand makes stupid comments about gays and lesbians all the time, i just give her my best "you are such an idiot" look and she usually shuts up. A guy at work said something very homophobic the other day and then added that he was joking, i basically just told him i didn't find his joke remotely funny and walked away. It does offend me sometimes when people use homophobic slurs and i usually tell them in a nice way to not make remarks like that around me.
