I'm looking for a little (or a lot) of advice on talking to my mom and dad. I have already told everyone that I had planned on telling except them. For a while I thought that I wouldn't tell them at all. Then I realized how many people now know (over 30) and I would never want them to find out from anyone but me. A couple of weeks ago my wife and I went on a two week vacation and I was feeling better than I had felt for a long long time. When we got home I just totally crashed thinking about telling them that I am gay. I can't seem to decide how I should tell them. With everyone else I have been able to compose my thoughts but for some reason I can't come up with clear thoughts of how to approach them. Please help!
If you're having trouble formulating your thoughts, perhaps a letter (or e-mail) is in order. That will give you plenty of time to make sure your thoughts are all there, and presented in a clear way. If you feel having them read something is "impersonal", you can always read the letter out loud to them. If you want help drafting the letter, well, that's what we're here for. Lex
I would agree with Lex (as usual), but even if you don't want to tell them through a letter, setting what you want to tell them out in writing helps clarify your thoughts. Throughout my self acceptance and coming out process I have found writing to be an indispensable tool. Each iteration of an idea clarifies it. A second tactic is to understand why you are having trouble thinking of how to approach them and why you tried to put off telling them as long as possible. Are you worried about what they might think, of the questions they might ask, or of the disappointment they might have? This approach has worked for me. Although I know I will tell my parents face to face, I have been writing and rewriting a letter to them for a while because I know that this will be the hardest of all, and it has clarified greatly what I would want to say them and what I worry about in telling them.
i disagree. do it in person. e-mail and letter can upset people, especially your parents whom you have 36 years of co-existence with. they deserve your courage.
Telling our parents is perhaps the hardest (next to our wives). I was also 36 when I came out to them, and even though I knew they would be supportive, I still agonized over it. I told them 9 months after I told them that my wife and I were seperating. I didn't want to upset them. I didn't want them to think differently of me. But at the same time, whether I told them or not, I was still going to be gay. And by not telling them - by keeping it a secret - I was driving a wedge between us anyway. The rest of my life was going in one direction and my relationship with them was continuing in another. So I told them. My (ex) wife was present when I did it for support. And in the end, they have been very accepting and supportive. Whether you're a teen ager or in your 30s, parents may still be surprised. They may not know how to react. They may not know what it means to be gay really. (My mom and dad assumed it meant I went to bath houses - until I clarified that I didn't, and in fact was dating a brilliant university professor.) So you might need to bring the subject up a few times until they are comfortable talking about it. It may not be a 'one shot deal'.
