I’ve recently started to seriously question my sexuality. I thought I was 100% straight until earlier this year. I started to have feelings for one of my close female friends who is bisexual. I didn’t really think much of it and I thought it would pass but it hasn’t, it’s gotten much stronger. I haven’t had many crushes throughout my life and the few I have had were mostly on guys or at least my crushes on guys were a lot stronger than the couple I’ve had on girls. I’ve never had a proper relationship but I have kissed a few guys. I didn’t really feel much for those guys. Like they asked me, I didn’t necessarily like any of them that way. I have a few memories of fantasizing about girls when I was younger but I can’t remember ever really liking a girl until this year whereas I can always remember liking boys. Physically I find males more attractive than females but then there are certain types of girls that I find extremely attractive. I haven’t really done anything sexual with anyone but the idea of doing sexual things with a guy is more appealing to me than with a girl, apart from actual sex. The idea of straight sex doesn’t really do anything for me. It just doesn’t appeal to me very much but other sex acts with males definitely do. Having a physical relationship with a girl definitely does appeal to me just not quite as much as with a guy. A few months ago I also started to have feelings for a gay male friend of mine. I tried not to think about him because obviously not going to happen! Then I ended up fantasising about being intimate with him except in my fantasy I was also a guy. That was a huge turn on for me but again I didn’t think much about it but since then practically anytime I think about sex I think about it from a male perspective and it is so much more appealing to me than any other form of sex. I feel like I’m meant to have uh male parts when it comes to sex. I was really confused so I spoke to a friend briefly about it(leaving out the fact that I have a crush on said guy) and we couldn’t really decide if it was just some weird fantasy I have or if it is something more than that. Since then I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’ve started to realise that I think of myself as a boy a lot in my head. I even sometimes find myself pretending to be a boy on chatting websites for some reason it just feels better sometimes. As a kid I was a tomboy and I still am to an extent I suppose. I did love dolls and things like that but I also loved fighting and I preferred to go off exploring with the boys and getting dirty over dressing up with the girls. I’m really confused right now and I was just wondering if anybody can help me try to figure out what’s going on with me.Feel free to ask any questions if anythings unclear.
I would honestly say at this point don't confine yourself to any box. In my own journey of coming to terms with my sexuality, I've noticed that society likes to put us in boxes, kind of like saying, well, "once you say you're gay, that's it; it's set in stone." I'd really like to think that's not the way it is. I'd like to think that sexuality is fluid and that nothing is really set in stone. It sounds there are all of these thoughts in your head, so I'd say, to a certain extent, act on them and figure some stuff out. They say experience is the best teacher, and I truly believe that. However, I'm sure there are some wonderful people here who could give you better advice than I ever could, so don't be afraid to ask around!
I completely agree with acd92 - don't be afraid to explore/experiment/think, and definitely don't worry about labels. What's most important is how you feel about yourself and what makes you happy.
Thanks, it's just the more I explore and think about things the more confused and frustrated I get! Nothing makes sense to me right now.
Hi there, and welcome to EC by the way. I agree with what has been said above, give yourself some time to think things through. Yes, it is a confusing and frustrating process but you have to realize that you're rediscovering yourself. Things will eventually start making more sense, I promise. Also from what you've said, you might want to think about the idea that you might be transgender. I had a similar fantasy about a good friend of mine who was also gay and realized that I was thinking of my self as male. Over all, keep an open mind and give yourself time to explore different things. I know it's had to do, but try not to stress yourself out to much. Answers will come. On that note also don't be afraid to ask any questions here. There are a lot of awesome people who are more then willing to give advice. Feel free to send me a message if you'd like too.
I know it's probably a stupid question but how would I know if I was transgender? How do you differentiate between wanting to be a boy and actually being a boy? That's not phrased very well but I can't think of a better way to say it.
as i understand it to be trandgendered you just feel in the wrong body and would rather be a male. being out of gender roles means absolutely nothing in my opinion, so being a tom boy by no means makes you transgendered. also i agree with the above give yourself time to feel out your sexuality, rushing things is not a good idea. also try not to stress about, relax and try not to freak out. good luck!!!
