I have been chilling with my best bro alot this summer, and I have been planing to come out to him as a supportive friend. Unforunatly wh really ahvent had a chance to have deep life talks that we have alot. We've either been out doing things with other people or he has been having other things to complain about, and i know that is my duty as a freind to listen to his shit and be there rather than having it focus on me all the time. However ever since I've been questioning my sexual identiy, Ive been reading into little things and probably over analysing. He has always been a very physical person, always hugging people and floping on people. Normally this bothers me but i have trying to get over my personal space issues i have been accepting of physical acts of kindness. However today, was a little weird. While he was at one point dempanding i sit on his lap only to make me uncomfertable/ to be funny, He aslo just layed on my shoulder during a car ride. I chose not to fight and he jsut lay there for a little not saying anything mock flirtacious like normal (IE Hey gougous or mmm u have nice shoulder). he also just lay on my lap after passing somthing to someone and rathe than full on glomp again lay there, not a word b4 moving. I did say a "sarcastic" comfertable, but he did not do anything for a minute. We usually discuss our women problems and all the trouble that comes with geting a girl friend but he told me that he did not find any of the girls in our school interesting, (he did make one exception but he said he did not really no her). Normally he has a new girl he is trying to get with and had a crush (as far as i knew) on another girl who did not return his feeling. So touchy/ no interesting girls He also invited me to go nice clothe shopping with another friend because he has devloped a casual interest in mens fasion for the sake of looking nice. I dont think that makes him gay but i thought it was weird that when looking through a mens fasion fourum that he did stop to pull up somthing about a stright male stripper at a gay bar, and was reading comments about underwear brands and gay for pay (which is all i understood from glancing it over). I did not try to be like AHHH GAY. but i did ask why he was interted in such a thing. He did not respond or just murmered somthing like just interested. On top of that he always calls me his close best friend and has been playing me cartoons about ponies to watch with him. I dont think thats i sign because thats just his quirky personality but i just thought id mention it any way. Like I said I Could be over reacting and only seeing what i would like to see but It would be nice if he was Someoen ic ould talk to about this and was going to through the same thing. I also know i cant set his closet on fire and should just make sure he knows he has an excepting freind, Im more concered about the mixed signal im getting. Like i said it could all be in my head, but a second opinion would no hurt. .
I know you wrote all this text about your friend, that you do want him to know that you are supportive of him whatever his problems or issues or challenges. But as you said, you know that even if he was gay/bi that you shouldn't be dragging anyone out of the closet. So stop worrying about (this aspect of) him, as your priority right now should be on you, and your desire to come out to him. Assuming that it goes well and he remains a good supportive friend to you, then your relationship can become stronger and so you never know where future conversations will lead. But first, don't let wondering about your friend stop you from doing what you set out to do in the first place.
I'm going through the same thing with my best friend. (See my latest thread if you wish, lots of good advice) and I have concluded that i am going to be there for my friend if he is down. But like olides84 said, you cant drag them out of the closet. If he is Gay or bi then he will tell you in his own time.
i have some close guy friends, but we never flirt like that... laying on a shoulder, or all those things you mentioned.... it does seem kind of flirtatious... as other people noted its not your job to worry about his sexuality, you need to focus on yours and if these signals are making your horny, well then, y ou either need to distance it or tell him out right you are gay... this seems like stuff gay movies are made from.
I agree with this. My case was he was doing this out of character too. I was getting to close. But my friend knows I'm Gay. Yes you would either need to distance yourself from him or tell him.
Do I really have to do either. Its not like its making me uncomfertable, or horny as jddvtm speculated. Coming to terms with my self i consider fairly recent devlopment, so i guess i could wait (although I'd prefer not to.) Like i siad it could be nothing. I've been known to be paranoid. What I dont want to do is make my freind uncomfertable if he is not confertable with himself. He knows im a chill guy and i know he is to, so i guess im not worried that he'll hate me because of his views on the lgbt comunity. Im scared he will not want to hang out .if he is not stright , frankly i could give two shit. What i do care about is keeping a freind and not making things akward. I know some people are in favor of laying all the cards on the table, and at one point i would like to be at that stage, but i like to keep my friends feelings in mind when i have major shit to tell them. The signs i have been getting, make me cautios about telling him. I dont want to fuck things up. Maybe its because he needs a good bro like bonding cuz he feels lonley cuz he cant get any girls. I have read one to many story where when a freind comes out it makes evrything go to hell. I want to avoid that. On an unrelated note. I think that gay movie thing is actually a mix of funny and Fucking adorable. also thanks george for sharing that thread
people who are not sure about thier sexuality need to figure that out in the own time. not your time and not when you want them to and not because you may or may not like them and hope the feelings are returned. this is new to them and they are unsure. the only thing you can do is just be friend and that does not include forcing them out or asking them about thier sexuality unless they tell u, it will only push them away.
One of the things you are focusing on the physical aspect of your relationship. If you come out to him, he might rethink all of those times he was physically affectionate, and that being a part of your relationship he might pull away because he doesn't know what that means. I would say, however, that people who are physically affectionate, are quite different than you (and me). I have a male friend who is the same way, and I suspect that he does think twice about leaning on my shoulder are giving me a good long bear hug. The physical contact doesn't mean anything to him. Me on the the other hand, I constantly feel awkward about reciprocating, always looking for "permission" to touch other people. For me physical contact has a much large significance. I think you are over analyzing. That being said, I think that you if he is chill, and if you two are best bros, which it does seem like, then you have to trust that everything will be okay eventually. He may not be gay, but If he is, which is another worry, this may give him the opportunity to come out or at least know that you will be supportive. On the other hand, he may not be ready to come out. I am in that position. One of my closest friends came out four years ago, and apart from one comment when he asked something that made me think he thought I was gay, this was never an issue and our relationship didn't change at all.
