Alright, so... I've been wondering. I read that it's normal for my age (13) to question my sexuality. Isn't it? I've recently been thinking of my online friend. She's my closest friend. But sometimes, I wish I could be a little more than that. I always wish I could just cuddle and (very rarely) kiss on the cheek. I'm afraid to tell anyone, just in case it wears off... though I'm also worried about rejection. The only person I trust enough to tell, would be the one I kind of "like" (as so I'll say for now). I just... really don't know what to do. I'm thinking about discussing about my feelings (not towards her, just my slight attraction to girls). I'm still afraid she might think less of me, though... I really wanted to tell someone, but I don't know who... So then I started searching things like "How do I know if I'm a lesbian?" or "Is there signs for being a lesbian?" It kind of makes me hurt a little on the inside, since I wonder if I am a lesbian (and if so when I am older). I'm also afraid if I do fully accept I am lesbian/bisexual (I still like boys) that if I still like my closest friend, that she won't feel the same. Plus, it's the internet. Let's just say I'm afraid of rejection from anybody. I have been bullied by being left out, so that's why I fear it so much. Can anyone please help? Thank you for reading! (I am new, so please spare me)
Welcome to EC! It is perfectly normal for a 13-year-old to be questioning, just as it is fine for an 18-year-old or a 40-year-old. It is true that what you are feeling could be a phase; your wanting to cuddle could be a sign of not getting much affection in real life. The most important thing at the moment is to give it time, is to give your feelings room to sort themselves out. In the end it will all work out be you straight, bi, or gay. Most people now are accepting of homo/bisexuality, and if you are bi/lesbian then you can still do pretty much anything a straight person can: you can get a job, get married, have kids, have the right not to be rejected and discriminated against. You are you, a human being like the rest of us; you are unique; you are a good person. With your friend, could you try bringing up something to do with gay people to see how she reacts? Remember, though, that people can react worse to gay people in general than if you specifically tell her that you are questioning. In my experience rejection isn't actually as common as it might seem; I am out to about 350 people about my age (that is, my school yeargroup) and not one of them has rejected me. And the number that have said something bad could be counted on the hands of a blind butcher. Sadly it is unlikely, statistically, that your friend will "like" like you back. You never know, though! We love you! (*hug*)
Hmmmm... @ 13 years of age questioning your sexuality................ I was too busy playing with dolls. Damn I should have known then!
