So I'm in the process of applying to Divinity School/Seminary and had my first bout with being perfectly qualified, but disqualified when I told the admissions counselor that I am gay. I've been telling myself to expect this, but it's different to experience it. Especially when a school is incredibly friendly one minute and dismissive the next. They were not blatant in their discrimination, they just passively pointed me to their covenant of community (a moral clause) that students are required to sign. It states that pre-marital sex is grounds for being expelled, which I get where they're coming from, but "homosexual behavior" is also forbidden. I went to a conservative college with the same types of stipulations and do not want to do that again. I feel like if I am called to ministry, then I need to do so openly and honestly, with integrity, and without shame or secrecy. Schools that will accept me do exist, but most of those tend to focus solely on the academic/intellectual aspects of ministry, where as I feel called to pastoral care and counseling. That and I'm now living with 3 new roommates, who are all strangers, and most definitely straight - not that that's a bad thing in and of itself, but I don't know how accepting they are/will be. I'll tell them eventually, it just feels like a step back. When we made arrangements to live together, I still felt like I was straight, or at least straight for me. Lastly, there's a guy I really like, but don't know where he's at. Between a really bad break up on his part, and my fear of coming on too strong, I just don't know. I also don't know many people here, especially LGBT people, and am not really sure how to go about making friends - online dating just brought up the dregs, and I either don't know what the 'scene' is where I live, or am just not interested. Gosh that's a lot of complaining... well, at least it's a good vent.
It's a very good vent - you've set out your problems very clearly. Last issue first. This guy you like? Let him know you're interested. Just say "I want you to know I'm interested, but I'm well aware that you recently got out of a relationship that didn't exactly end too well. So I totally understand if you don't want to start anything new right this second." As for your roommates, tough to say. If you don't interact all that much, there's no rush in letting them know. If you do hang out from time to time, you might find an good spot to tell them. You don't have to make it a grand announcement. You might just bring it up in context of what happened at this school. "Ends up I'm not able to study at [school]. They have a strict code against gays." Re: schooling. Are the more accepting ones really and truly academic-only, or do they simply emphasize in that direction? Any chance you can track down any GLBTQ Christian counselors, and ask what path they might have taken? Lex
well if you are gay and christian want to be a pastor i would suggest not getting into any "gay scene or club situation" usually its a den of sin. but maybe there is a gay christian network of like minded modest adults that you can befriend and hang out with.
I can't imagine that the Div schools associated with more secular schools have a no-homosexuality clause. And some of them have degrees that are specifically for pastoral care. And worst come to worst, I'm positive the UU seminaries don't exclude gay people.
This is true, UU is a Welcoming Congregation for LGBT people. I'm considering ministry work in the military, and if I do go that route, I'll be serving from the UU denomination (which is convenient, because it umbrellas all other faiths that would be present on a Navy ship). OP, I don't have any advice for you other than to not choose a conservative Christian school for your education. You want through your calling to teach people not to be bigots, and I don't think you have anything valuable to learn from people who still take an Old Testament stand on homosexuality. The Christian church is hemmoraging believers over attitudes like that. They don't resonate with modern society anymore.
I'd worry about how someone might interpret "homosexual behaviour". Even reaching out to this guy that you like could be considered homosexual behaviour. And I guess I'd have to wonder what kind of relationship you expect to have with this guy. I don't mean to say that all gay guys are sex crazed animals, but the historical repression and new found freedom has tended to liberalize the gay community when it comes to sex. So I would just worry that you're signing up for something that you're not really willing to conform to, and why start off on the wrong foot right off the bat. Find a school that is going to be more open and accepting. And one that allows you to take a path the aligns your objectives for a personal relationship with your objectives for your education and career. Edit: Padre411 is an Eclesiastical Minister in Arizona. He might be able to offer you some advice on this matter.
It's probably not the best experience to learn the pastoral side of things from a school which discriminates like that, anyway. Just keep on looking, because there are definitely accepting divinity courses out there.
Thanks everyone. Lex - per the guy: I keep thinking I should be direct, or at least state my interest, it just seems to go back and forth. We have a lot in common in terms of belief and value systems, faith, goals, desire for family, etc. so there is a lot for me to look up to and admire in him. I think part of the problem is we both probably shared too much out of the gate, and the fact that we're both both bleeding hearts doesn't help. We'll see. My concern with those moral clauses are precisely what Jim mentioned. "Homosexual behavior" is intentionally vague and I wouldn't put myself in that position or environment where I could get kicked out if I fall in love... or am seen sharing popcorn with some guy at the movies. That's why I'm asking these schools upfront, even at the likelihood of rejection. I'm not interested in hiding anything from anyone anymore... As for the more accepting schools, the research I've done so far seems to indicate the emphasis on the intellectual - most of these bridge the gap by offering clinical pastoral field work - think hospital chaplains or prison ministry or dual degrees with an MSW. Which is fine, but not as specific as I'd prefer. Chicago Theological Seminary is one good place for a dual program like that. There are benefits and downsides to every school, I just need to keep that in perspective. There is a good school where I am at, and I know that I would be welcome after speaking with the admissions director, who I know professionally, but the program as we discussed lacks in pastoral care. I do go to an open and affirming church (recently so - for the church and for me) which has been great, but there aren't many resources for me there - I have met with the director of the university's LGBT center, who was helpful, but not particularly knowledgable of the workings of the school's programs. I know that they are working on better integration, and if I go there, I hope to help in that. At the end of the day, I can always just do the degrees consecutively, though 4 years would be much better than 6. We'll see. As for the roommates - I'm sure it'll come up eventually. It's not like the information is not out there- or that it can't be easily deduced. It's just a place of vulnerability - my home is my place of safety and security - not a place of uncertainty. It's an adjustment. Of course the easy way to get it out there would either be to tell them or to have them come home and find me making out with someone on the couch, but I don't see either of those happening anytime soon. Thanks again for the support - I'll keep you posted.
