Hi guys! I'm not sure I really want to start a thread like this, but I think it may be beneficial to many of you. I don't know about the rest of you, but in the past I have had a lot of trouble with first dates or the first time hanging out with someone I really like. I made quite a few mistakes, but I learned from them and I thought I would share them with you all. Please feel free to comment (although please don't be rude!) and add to the list. I think this will turn out to be an interesting thread. Common mistakes made on the first date: Coming off strong (or take the date over the top). You probably shouldn't hit on your date constantly, take them to a really expensive restaurant, or bring them a ton of roses on the first date. It comes off as "wow, this guy/girl gets attached very easily, and it's only the first date". Many people also perceive it as potential craziness. Public display of affection. Just because someone is out (or even not), does not mean they are comfortable drawing a lot of attention to themselves with public display of affection. Holding their hand while walking down the street or trying to give them a kiss at a table in a restaurant is probably not appropriate. Dressing inappropriately. Dressing casual is not bad, but dressing sloppy is. You should dress for the occasion. If it's a dinner date, you should probably wear something a little nicer than a wife-beater and ripped up shorts. If you are doing something active, you probably shouldn't wear jeans and sandals. Over-dressing is also bad. Showing up in a suit and tie is coming off too strongly, which I made the first point in this list. Also, wearing something that screams "gay" (i.e. rainbow attire everywhere) is OK, but not on the first date. Be considerate of the other person and consider whether or not they want a ton of attention drawn to them. Bringing a friend along -- this is self-explanatory. Your date wants you to pay attention to them, not your friend. Not talking enough, or talking too much. Making your date do all the talking will tire them out, and eventually they will run out of things to say, leaving you two in an awkward silence. Also, talking too much means you potentially bore your date to death, making them think you never give people a chance to voice their opinion. Staring at the other person too much, in the eyes. This goes back to the first point. Eye contact is good during conversation, but straight up giving someone "googly" (i.e. love-bug) eyes on the first date is coming off way too strong, and will probably creep them out a little. It's also very uncomfortable to be stared at when you are doing something other than talking, like sitting in the car riding. Please be considerate of the other person's comfort zone! Not bathing or brushing your teeth Being too blatant or rude -- if you are too blunt, or blatant, it may come off that you have no tact, charm or manners. Yes, it is very understandable if you want to be honest, but there are ways you can say things to soften the effect, and still get the same point across. Being blatant and not showing any emotion (no smiling or laughing) during a date can be a huge turnoff, as it may make you seem cold and distant, whether or not that is actually the case. Being cocky, instead of just confident. There is a clear difference between having self-confidence, and being plain cocky. Confident is not being afraid of who you are. Cocky is bragging, having to constantly be the center of attention by talking about yourself, and thinking of yourself a little too seriously. Let me know if you think of anything else!
The most important thing you SHOULD do on your first date, or indeed any date, is be yourself! Seriously, you want your partner to get to know you and not some put-on version of you. Obviously though you should be you as you are on a really good day, but don't try to be something you are not. On the same vein, don't lie or enhance the truth. You will get caught out sooner or later, and it leads to lack of trust which is a good way to mess up any relationship.
I gotta second the PDA thing. I went on exactly one date with this dude-who-shall-not-be-named in college. He spent an entire movie sporadically squeezing my upper thigh (ew) or throwing his arm over my shoulders (EW) and then glomped/practically tried to strangle me with his tongue in the parking lot (EW EW EW). There are NOT dignified ways to extract yourself from that sort of situation. And I'm a gentleman, so to me a kiss on a first date = closed-mouth, classy, leave-you-at-the-door kiss. Not make-out-in-the-parking-lot-on-a-car-hood-tongue-dueling. Pretty sure this was one of the first times where I was making out with a guy and actually thought, Gross. I don't really think I can do this anymore. There was no physical attraction there for me at all. Zip. Zero. Nada. This was all before he took me by his house - on the first date - to meet his crazy hillbilly family. And that is why I don't date guys. :lol: (Just kidding. But it didn't help.)
11. Unloading all your pent up emotional baggage and self-esteem issues on the other person. Seriously, I don't want to hear about how you think you're ugly and worthless on the first date!
12. Talking about previous partners and dates etc. It's OK in brief if asked but it is not something to go into detail with too soon.
As the tumblog "Male Minded" said, "If you're dating a guy, you already have him. Don't complain to him about your appearance, because he already approves."
Don't open up one of your big, soul-to-soul sentimental places you go to be alone and contemplate life--that happened to me once, and it's as awkward as anything for your date. =.=
Just a word of warning if you happen to go eat. Never Spagetti On First Date Ever! There is no way to eat that stuff that is not totaly akward. Just avoid it
All of this is good advice! Particularly the "being yourself" bit. I know you hear that a lot but it bears repeating. I actually went on my first date ever about a month ago and tried this, and I'm still with the guy. I think he likes who i truly am, which makes me feel better about myself. . The biggest tip I can give: he or she is probably more nervous than you are. Just go in with that assumption and you'll ve fine.
I had to revive this thread. Had to! 14. Reply to non-emergency texts, calls, emails. Hell, doing anything more than checking the time on your phone. (15.) Insist on paying for the meal/date. --flip side-- Let the other person pay. On 15, while it is a nice gesture and no harm is intended, I think the bills should go splitsy. I love to share my money with others, but I don't think it's appropriate on the first several dates. I don't know why, I just feel its better to do it this way.
I don't agree with the time checking option with 14 because that could come of as rude or say that you're not enjoying your self and could be a bad signal to the other person so 14 should be 14. Don't reply to any messages, calls, emails or whatever the phone can be left alone. Sure you can check your phone to see if it's an emergency then yes go ahead excuse your self and reply, call back or whatever just show courtesy to your date.
