People making assumptions...

Hi there, I'm a gay woman and..I dress like a woman, and yes, we do have a harder time being 'detected.'

recently i attended glbt meetups where I met gay men who fit your description of yourself. They were a good company and indeed, they looked 'straight' but sharing one thing in common: they liked men. They werent 'flamboyant' and their clothes and voices were masculine.

All I could say right now is to keep being yourself. Maybe join some glbt events? One day, you'll meet someone (or many others =) who will be attracted to the way you are and treat you as a precious gem. Don't lose hope. You seem like a great guy.

 

Kudos for wanting to be yourself, first of all.
Second, it happens. People automatically assume everyone's straight because, well, most people are. The only thing you can really do is accept that that's the way you'll probably be perceived, or politely suggest that the people who make these assumptions use more abstract terms when referring to others' relationships out of respect to the GLBT folk.

 

The simple answer is because about 95% of the population actually is straight. On top of that a lot of people imagine homosexuals as a stereotype, which not many gay people are.

Like it was mentioned above, you will have a harder time being spotted, but it really isn't much harder than you think. Once you are out then people can easily ask your friends or people about you or they can even check your facebook out. They can also ask you directly

I know many people wear a symbol or something on them to give hints. It doesn't have to be a rainbow or anything too flashy, but something that someone looking closely can see. Join an LGBT group will also let people know and pretty much as long as you are out people will know or find out if they try and get to know you.

Either way, stick to being yourself and you'll see that things like that sort of just fall in place after you start being open about your sexuality

 

Look at it this way, if you were straight which most people are, you would be a little insulted and insecure if people assumed you were gay. If you seem to be masculine, and are not know to be gay, people aren't going to come up and say "are you waiting for your girlfriend or boyfriend?"

 

That can be solved by using gender-neutral language like "Your special someone" or "your lover" and whatnot. Which would also help if someone was dating someone out of the gender binary

The majority of society is still caught up in heteronormative mindset (thinking that everyone is automatically straight). I think if people began considering that other people could in fact be gay, they would maybe start to be more inclusive. It's irritating that people just assume, but I think they just need to be more educated on the matter.

My best friend is really femme, she's pansexual and has been in a relationship with a woman for 6 years. She says most people assume she's straight, and you can tell how well someone knows her by what sexuality they think she is. Usually she tells people that she's a lesbian just because she doesn't feel like explaining what pansexual means.

 

this has happened to me. the first semester of college in my english class there was only one other guy and me and the rest were girls. And many were pretty at that. Anyways this lady who was going to give a speech in my class was like "oh my theres only guys" then she turned to look at me and said "you must feel real lucky huh with all these pretty girls around" when she said that i felt like i got red. my friends who knew about me started laughing a lot. I was like "oh umm.... sure?" lol.. this was so awkward though. then she apologized for putting me on the spot with almost everyone there.. lol.

anyways what im saying is that this is something that we are going to face for the rest of our lives. to be honest i dont care, and it doesnt really bother me. i dont take it like an insult or anything. Sometimes it is like a "um why do you have to ask does it matter?" kinda thing. but I know that if i was straight and people wouldnt say the things they say i would either feel insulted or uncomfortable with myself because people may think im gay. but its the other way around. not everyone can tell if we are gay. So you should just ignore it. Or you could tell them your gay and problem solved.

and for the guy thing, yea i get you its like i would love to know who is gay and who isnt but its not like that so we have it harder to look for that one guy that we want to have as a bf. but eventually if someone really likes you then they would try and find out. or if you like someone you could try to find out. like i said we have it harder in that department..lol

 

So when this happens, I would correct them and say, "Nope, I am actually waiting for my boyfriend," or "Actually, I am gay so no." It's as easy as that, you don't have to make a big deal or cause a fuss about it or make it awkward.

I just started classes and have been meeting alot of new people, so I have been having to do this myself pretty frequently lately. I think it gives "non-obvious" gays more visibility and helps to educate people who might not know how diverse the gay community can be. Plus I think it does good for people to come into contact with as many of us gays as they can. The more a person can say, "I have met quite a few nice gays," the more likely they are to have a positive attitude towards us I figure.

 

As was said earlier, 95% of the population is straight, not to mention that if someone said 'Waiting for your boyfriend?" and you were straight, there is a 95% chance that said person would not have a happy ending (Because straight male mentality is gays = gross and lots of women = success).

Along with the fact you look straight, unless everybody knows you're out or you look gayer than a gay pride march, people will assume you're straight, because 19 times out of 20, that assumption will be correct.

I'd suggest (as others have said) wearing something which shows you're gay - something subtle. Because I don't see the heteronormative mindset changing anytime soon.

 

I am just like you everyone who doesn't know me assumes I am straight It's definitely harder to meet guys

 

Since my junior year in high school I just laugh it off and joke that that isn't the case. Either sarcastically remark that I am a "flaming homosexual" or say "I hope not!" when they mention the female pronouns. lol

I'm not sure what your situation is or what your school is like, but coming out at my school was a non-event. At least to my face. I never had a person be overtly disrespectful to me, nor had I heard otherwise. This was because I walk with confidence, and don't give a shit if anyone cares about it. Haters are going to hate. To hell with em'. I'm a nice person and I treat people right, and if they have any questions about the GLBTQI community, I explain the best to my knowledge.

I hope any of this, helped, even if only a bit. (*hug*)

 

This exact situation is one of the few reasons why I'm happy to be butch. I can swagger into a grocery store with my hair all chopped off in a baggy blue plaid shirt and I can almost hear the gaydars go off. If there are any invisible femmes or bicurious ladies in the vicinity, they know all my cards are already on the table.

Personally, I think it makes it easier for women to hit on me (and for me to be able to flirt back and have them reciprocate it as such) because they can tell by looking at me that I'm not straight. So they don't have to deal with worrying about being rejected out-of-hand just for that.

Basically as far as your school goes, OP, I would consider coming out casually if you're looking for a relationship. Don't worry about spreading the word, I'm sure it'll spread on its own. In my experience, most gay guys are NOT going to approach you if they think you're straight, simply because they like the arrangement of their face the way that it is.

But never underestimate the power of flagrancy. :lol:

 

Oh my god I feel the same way. And I'm only in high school. I just wish that everyone would keep their cokments to themselves. Why does everyone have to assume. Just don't say anything.