I must have the worst gaydar in the world..

Basing your gaydar on stereotypes (which most people do) will lead you astray in many cases. There are straight girls who "look gay" and gay/bi girls who "look straight" and tons of girls who fall somewhere in between and are ambiguous, stereotype-wise.

I believe that gaydar is largely a myth. I don't know, there are people who say that theirs is dead-on all the time, but I just think that there's not a way to REALLY know unless you have some sort of proof.

That being said, it's definitely possible to get a strong feeling that someone is gay/bi/etc from observing them for a while. Looking out for things like whether they're more drawn to the same of opposite sex when they're looking around can help that. Other than with concrete stuff like that, gaydar is not reliable.

 

Effing Dykes - Your Girl Gaydar Sucks. Let Me Help You.

I don't think your gaydar is that bad, she sounds super gay in this paragraph. :lol: What straight girl wears a wallet chain? C'moooooooooooooon.

 

Best blog evar.

 

Lol, that was pretty funny, I have to admit. :lol:

But this. I agree with this. Gaydar really isn't that reliable if you're basing it off stereotypes.

 

I feel like the majority of my gaydar is based in facial recognition patterns and body language.

The stereotypes only work for people who are dead giveaways. And yeah, they're only stereotypes, but in all honesty how often do you really see straight girls sporting buzzcuts and straight guys wearing nail polish? [If you're honest and live anywhere outside of a major metropolitan area, your answer is probably, "Not very many" or "None".]

All stereotypes contain a grain of truth. I actually got a little depressed the other day about how many lesbian stereotypes I fit - I ride a motorcycle, wear a leather jacket, drink soy lattes, wear cargo shorts on the sidewalk and wifebeaters on the beach, am all poetic and artsy and shit, have cats, was vegetarian for almost two years, have tattoos, wear my wallet in my back pocket, carry chapstick...

It's kind of sad. Before I read Effing Dykes, I had no clue what an absolute walking stereotype I am. :lol:

 

LOL I had the same experience. I even do the "dyke nod" and had no idea that that was a thing.

 

Me too. I've done that forever-and-ever, as far back as I can remember - it is my go-to schizoidy "strong silent type" acknowledgement.

When I read that post I was like, "Man, people must have thought I was SO GAY in high school." :lol:

 

I think gaydar does sort of exist. With experience you can notice other things apart from stereotypes. Someone told me that they can smell phermones or something like that? And that they just can see that I'm gay when I'm around females.

That's sort of how I know that some people are gay, I just see it when they are interested in someone. And I never assume that someone is straight in the first place. I don't really pay that much attention on people's sexual orientation. But it's interesting to observe who they seem to be more interested in.

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense here.

 

^ Makes sense. My gaydar works better when I'm observing men around other men, and vice versa with women. It's sort of like

 

Of course, the real trouble is when you come to fall for people who sneak under the gaydar, as it were. Undetectables. Yum..

And yeah, assumption is sure to result in many false negatives.

 

I feel your pain. Zero gaydar here.

Also, another funny website: Lesbian or German? lesbian or german lady?

 

im not a lesbian but honestly the bottom line with lesbians or gays is that if the object of your affections says their straight, it doesn't matter if your gaydar is right or wrong or if it's lighting up when you see them or not, the person currently identifies as straight so it's a moot point and no matter how many clues they give you, no matter how many signs you think you read into, no matter if they may have flirted with you or not, they are saying they are straight or they have a significant other of the opposite sex so you have to let it go and not put energy into it. period point blank, just be a friend and focus on people you know are gay/lesbian.

 

I don't think this was the point here at all. Hitchhiker found this girl cute, but the point was that she thought she was gay, but then her boyfriend turned up. And now she feels like her gaydar is totally malfunctioning and she wants to tune it up so that the next time it goes "BEEP BEEP BEEP" the person in question will actually be gay.

 

The idea of a gaydar is really dangerous for people like us. Never assume anyone is gay...once you fall for them, it takes ages to get back up. I now assume everyone I meet is straight until they say they're not. I'm playing it safe and you should too!!!

 

People should just not "fall" for people on the assumption that they're gay or bi when about 90% of the time that assumption is going to be false. I may make silent assumptions about someone's orientation or gender identity, but I never act on them unless that person self-identifies.

AKA, "You can flirt with me all you want at the Starbucks counter, but I'm not asking you out until I know you're queer."

To me it's one of the shittiest things about being gay. Straight people can walk up to 90% of their opposite-sex peers and flirt with them openly without there being any inherent risk. They can also ask their peers out without having to play detective first.

I find trying to figure out whether people are gay or not to be sort of obnoxious. We should all have to wear a uniform.



Er....nevermind.

 

I think the first mistake, resulting in the cause of a whacked out gaydar, is assuming that it actually works 100% of the time. Assuming it even exists can sort of "throw a bone" at you, when nothing is actually going on.

With that being said, I think the other posters are right in saying that you can't tune your "gaydar" based on stereotypes. True gaydar, if there even is such a thing, comes from a lot of time and experience hanging around other gay people. The more gay people you hang out with, the better acquainted you become, overall, with their mannerisms, way of dressing, etc (even if they do "dress straight").

Anyways, I'm sorry she has a boyfriend. You never know what could happen, though

 

ok, the actual uniform pic was a bit in poor taste given the fact that jews and gays were rounded up and killed over that. however, i do agree with your point and frustration and it's something that i feel daily. in straight world, you can go up to anyone of the opposite sex and flirt or ask them out. you may get laughed at or the person may tell you "im not interested" but you dont run the risk of someone trying to fight you or worse. however, in gay world you have to look for signs, clues, and go through all the what ifs, or you have to go to some gay designated event or group or formalized gayness in order to know without a shadow of a doubt the person you're interested in play on teh same team. for people that are not comfortable with that or see their sexuality as a small aspect of their lives but not something they care to join groups and gay social outings over....then it's very hard for them. personally i like the spontenity of meeting someone at the grocery store, in line at target, at a musuem, or wherever, BUTTTT basically all i can do is admire from a far because when you do approach people you're not sure and its weird and even if you do exchange numbers, you have to go through the whole, "is he or isn't he vetting process which could last months." real fun. oh well, onward to the LGBT events i go since apparently there a bevy of uptopia gays there from all the posts people write about these activities.

---------- Post added 30th Aug 2011 at 07:26 PM ----------

ok sorry i missed the point. let me adjust my statement..... gaydar doesn't exist. it's something built on wishful thinking and sterotypes and mannerisms and a bit of intuition thrown in. sorry, it's not a metal detector, you can't fix it, you can't adjust it, you can't fine tune it. all you can do is see if someone is flirting with you or outwardly tells you they are gay, be friends with people, if you are really into someone or think you may have a shot, then come out to them and see if they come out to you. that's basically all you can do with the "are they/aren't they" type of of people. why waste the energy. just be friends. if someone more develops great. if not, maybe you can borrow her chainbelt.

 

@ Maverick

I think most of us have had that same exact thought. I don't know if you've seen or heard of death note, but in it there is this counter thing on people's head that only the main character can see. I remember thinking 'wouldn't it be nice if everyone is born with floating text on top of their head identifying sexual orientations?'. It serve so many purpose. I mean, for one, we wouldn't have to argue that we didn't choose to love the way we do - and some of us wouldn't have to hide; two, would be exactly what you said; and three, it would give the shy ones some hope in having love finding them.

If only...sigh...