what to dooooo?

1. take the training ONLY if you really want to work out and lose weight or meet your goals. DO NOT take the training if you only have a crush on the trainer.

2. Stop focusing on unattainable people and people that you do not know if they are gay or not. It's pointless and will ruin your self esteem over time when you realize they are straight and not interested in you.

3. start networking with other gay people to meet and hang out with other people like yourself so you do not have to wonder if he is or is not gay. do not close yourself off to people where you are not sure if they are or are not gay, but ONLY see them as potential friends because the chances always lean in the favor of them not being gay and you wishful thinking.

 

I agree with feelindown on 1 and 3 and partially on 2.

1) If you're truly planning on losing weight and want to start sessions, then you should probably take advantage of the opportunity that has presented itself. Just remember that if you find out the trainer is straight, you've committed to the sessions for the sake of your body and image, not for the sake of getting the trainer as a boyfriend.

3) If you don't already have a network, start networking. It's awesome when you realize that there's no or very little uncertainty about someone's sexuality because of the LGBT group they are in. Admittedly, some of those group members will be allies, but you'll probably be able to tell.

2) I agree that focusing on unattainable people is very unhealthy, and if you ever realize someone is unattainable, you need to do your absolute best to block and put down the feelings that arise for said unattainable person. However, to add "people that you do not know if they are gay or not" to that list seems like overkill. People in general take risks when it comes to asking other people out. If a straight guy asks a girl out and she says no because she only likes certain body types/hair colors, was it wrong for the guy to focus on her? I don't think so, and for you to restrict yourself to sure things just seems like a good way to stop taking risks (which are good when taken properly).

In short, free training is good if you want to train, but be prepared to suppress emotions if the guy doesn't have feelings for you. Remember to network with other gay people, and should you focus outside of an LGBT group, don't think "are they gay?" think "do they like me?"

 

"Looking for love" is an activity full of dashed hopes and dead ends. And, in a sense, it's what makes the search so worth it when you finally DO find somebody. If finding a good match was as certain as getting a locker assignment in high school, it'd be...well, about as exciting as getting a locker assignment in high school.

Do your best to consider it all as part of the game. Remind yourself there are plenty of dead ends, but they make the end result all the more sweet. Maybe the trainer is straight - oh well. And, as said above, don't train with him specifically because you hope he'd make a good boyfriend.

Lex

 

It sounds like the problem you have is misinterpreting signals you get from other guys.

A perfect example is the gym trainer -- he probably did not ask you if you wanted free training because he likes you or he is gay. He is probably a personal trainer trying to get his name out there by word of mouth.

Not every guy that smiles at you, gives you his number or takes yours, is necessarily interested in you romantically. This applies to both gay and straight individuals. Some people are just very friendly. I know many straight people whose friendship I have gained because they went out of their way to be nice.

Anyways, I wouldn't let yourself get depressed over something like this. Finding someone to date and love takes time, and most importantly patience. To echo what another poster already said, you should really look at strangers as potential friends, not potential marriage material. If you lower your standards to a reasonable level, you are a lot less likely to be disappointed by the results you get. Besides, a friendship always has the potential to turn into something beautiful, like a full-blown relationship; but if that never happens, then at least you have a new friend!