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How can I find someone?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Liam A, Aug 30, 2011.

  1. Liam A

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    Hi fellas,

    I am bisexual, well more gay. I haven't come out to anyone yet and honestly I do not attend to. I just can't bring myself to do it. And this worries me because I do want to have a relationship with a man, how can I do this is no one knows I am bi/gay.

    I only ever got close to one guy, that was by some serious luck because we are best friends and he just happened to be gay. Even so I realise it is hard to get someone to admit their sexuality, will it be hard to find myself a boyfriend? There are far less bi/gay people than straight. I am only 17.

    Thanks for reading this!
     
  2. ezkill

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    First you have to be comfortable with your own sexuality, which it seems like you are to an extent. Second, you have to be comfortable sharing who you love with those closest to you. This means coming out to those closest to you and to those you trust. It sounds like you aren't at that point yet. That's OK, guys (and girls) come out at different ages. Some people don't realize or come out as gay until they are married and have children, and some people come out as early as middle school or junior high.

    I am not saying you should come out now, or anytime soon. That is a decision you will have a make. Keep in mind that it will be hard to maintain a relationship in secret, so eventually if you want to "take it to the next level", you will have to come out.

    It *is* difficult to admit your sexuality to others when you are LGBT. Admittedly, your dating pool is also a lot smaller than those of heterosexual individuals.

    With that being said, if you keep your eyes and mind open, you never know who will happen unto your path one day. You will find someone special for yourself. I have no doubt in my mind.
     
  3. Danny19

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    i think that you will find someone when the time is right.. this is what my friend always tells me when i tell her i want a bf. i know its hard and many on here will say the same, to find a bf without anyone finding out. But to be honest i dont think its really that great in that way. Because first you have to hide the person you like from everyone who is close to you. and honestly i wouldnt like that if i was dating someone who was hiding. It would make me feel bad about that kind of relationship. I think that first you should come out to some friends that you feel confident enough to tell. They would be your i guess we can call support system for the beginning. when you tell them then you could be yourself at least around your friends. then when it comes to looking for someone its just time. Dont expect to find a bf when your not out. If no one knows your bi then no guy will hit on you just like that. If at least some people know they could ask them about you and maybe your friends will let them know about you and then that can happen..

    i dont know if what i said is just jumping from one thing to another but my point is that in my opinion you have to at least come out to a few people. then when the time is right you can look for a bf. this is what im doing. i have my closests friends know and then they r there for whatever i need... hope you find someone soon, i know it sucks being single. i really want BF
     
  4. Liam A

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    Thanks for the reassurance guys! Looks like I'll be telling some friends

    @Danny19, you're a catch, I would date you heh. Keep at it dude someone will find you!
     
  5. Jim1454

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    I think most people here will tell you that totally accepting yourself is the first step. Once you're totally comfortable with yourself, what other people think won't matter as much, and you'll feel better about coming out to people.

    THEN you'll be in a position to find a boyfriend.

    You're only 17, and a lot of people your age - gay or straight - don't have a significant other. So try not to sweat it.
     
  6. Lexington

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    Perhaps there are good reasons for you not to come out - either right now, or ever. For instance, if you're under 18, and you have homophobic parents, yeah, it's a good idea to stay closeted for the time being. But as you become more independent, the negatives about coming out tend to get overshadowed by the positives. You might fear having your friends know, or more generically, "what people will think". I'll just say there's no better feeling than knowing your friends know-and-don't-give-a-rat's-ass, and not caring who else knows. :slight_smile:

    Lex