22 year old matured sane student of medicine here. The thing is..i am going to face again one of the most horrible piece of my past which i had tried to bury with much difficulties. Story goes back 3-4 years when i was a Fresher and had just came on terms with my sexuality. Never was in any serious relationship. Was extremely brilliant in my studies topping every exam in first ten on state level rankings. My dream was to pursue advanced research in medical arenas and was studying hard to crack the lists. That was the time when i met 'him'. My Coaching class professor who was also my guide for the exams. He was in his late 20's and was one of the most promising professors of the college and most revered by the student community. We had an instant rapport. He showed immense liking in me and i was his favorite. He used to tell me i was his most promising student and if i crack the exams in top ten again i will be like mascot of his class. He showered me with all his attention and ...'love'. We became very close and were inseparable. We went on long walks on beaches, shopping, movies and dinners. I took gifts for him and he used to give more gifts in return. We started talking about our future. We also planned an amazing Euro trip together once i crack the doctorate. He once went with this girl for a movie and i picked up a huge fight with her. He was so amused at this. He knew i was madly in love with him. He also used to say ' I love you'. Sex was something he introduced me to and it was just an additional branch of our love tree. Then came the big results. And i dint made it to the Top ten list. But mind it i was still in Top 30. And then i told him i was going for research in pathology and not in surgery which is more lucrative. And then we decided to meet for a dinner to discuss this. And that night i waited for 3 hours in that hotel all alone on the table. He didn't turned up. My calls were never picked up. From that day everything was changed. He just ignored me. I went into shock mode. Then one day after like a million calls he tells me that i wasn't good enough for him. The thing was he just used me as an investment to promote his coaching class. I was supposed to be his advertisement mascot. And when he saw his investment slipping off he just erased me. But that was so easy for him and it was more than death for me. I cried for nights together. I went for a PG college far away from my city. And now 4 years later destiny has played a little game. I have this conference in the very same college as his. He will be presiding over it. My heart now cries for revenge. I want to SLAP him hard in front of all and scandalize him. He is going to get married soon (to a girl) and i want to ruin that. I want to break his car and want to punch his guts out. He seems to be so haappy as if he didnt even cared a bit for me. How can anybody be so cruel and play such insensitive games. PLS PLS advice me how to deal with this now. Should i go for a revenge, or talk. Ok i am not good in discussions as i am arrogant and get angry soon. But i want to make sure he gets back what HURT he has given me and dont know many such boys or girls.
Leave him alone. Don't talk to him, don't assault him, don't approach him at all. Pretend he doesn't exist. None of the hypotheticals you've presented here would make you look either sane or mature. And they certainly won't win him back or make you feel any better. I know you think slapping him in front of everyone would make you feel soaringly vindicated, but it won't. Nobody but the two of you will understand the context of the situation, so you'll just look like a jealous loon. Yes, his method of breakup was shitty. Super shitty. But he's hardly the first person to pull the rip cord on a romance. It doesn't justify you trying to sabotage his new relationship. You would be acting just as cruel and unsensitive as him.
First of all: welcome to EC! :smilewave I'll admit: reading that story alone already makes me imagine a ton of ways of exacting poetic justice. However; on second thought: I think you're better off trying to let it go. Don't get me wrong: what he did to you was horrible. He would deserve it if history caught up with him. But: - First of all: you're dealing with an extremely cold-hearted bastard here. If you flame out, if you slap him, if you start making a scene, I can already predict what he'll do. He'll stand there, looking perplexed at how this random guy is acting out on him. He's on his home turf. To the audience, it will seem like you're the hysteric queen, and he's the patient professor. In the end, you'll be humiliated, and he'll get away with it - The best way of getting back for thinking you weren't good enough is by showing you don't care about being what he thinks is "good enough". By acting as if you barely remember what the fuss was about in the first place. You're a promising student, being sent to a conference. That in and of itself is a sign you're doing good for yourself. - And most importantly: you're not like him. You care about people's feelings. You don't use people for feeling better about yourself. So don't become like him for revenge's sake. If he's a bad person, eventually he'll be given enough rope to hang himself. It's hard to do, but you can do it. The best way of getting over it is by not dwelling on it, but by being successful and happy on your own account. (*hug*)
The best revenge is a life well-led. Not only does it bury their faces in your happiness, but you'll be too busy living a happy well-led life to even notice if he notices. Let it go. Lex
Hi, First, I'm really, really sorry for what you had to go through. No one should have to experience that, and the pain you felt must have been enormous. You've received some great advice from all so far, and I agree with all of it. You're dealing with someone who is likely clinically sociopathic. Which means that no matter what you do, it won't faze him because he's completely incapable of understanding that what he did was wrong, and even if he does, nothing will make him care. He won't feel anything from the worst revenge you could do. So let it go. As Lex said, the best revenge is a life well led. You can best him by being successful academically, and by finding and cultivating a healthy relationship. You might need some counseling to process and let go of the anger you feel from what you was done to you; it was beyond cruel and, frankly, made me pretty angry just reading about it. I think talking to a professional about it and processing it (which will probably include some anger-venting work) would be really helpful to you and could also help you identify any patterns you might have that could draw the same sort of people to you again. Clearly you're a driven and extremely capable person. I am confident you'll ultimately be successful in your chosen career *and* find someone who loves and cares for you. But don't act out on this guy and take a chance of being labeled a crazy person
Honestly, I would've gone on a rampage and smashed his stuff. But as the others said, it would be wise not to make a scene or rather 'be the bigger man'. You know what the right thing to do is! Leave him be, it's not like you want to get back together with this nut job.
Hi there, and welcome to EC. Like Chip, I got angry as I read your post. He took advantage of his position of authority and manipulated you, and then dropped you like a hot potatoe without any consideration for your feelings. He obviously has emotional problems of his own. But as an outside observer, I agree with everyone else in saying that I think you need to leave this alone. Taking the kind of actions you've imagined won't be helpful to you at all. They will most likely backfire. Instead, get help for yourself. Talk to a counsellor and tell them what has happened, and how much it still weighs you down. I credit my therapist with saving my life - because things had got that bad - and I firmly believe that we all have periods in our lives when we need the help of such a professional. In the mean time, perhaps it isn't a good idea to even attend this conference. Are you going to be able to get anything out of it, or will it be too painful for you just being there? Just a thought...
I shouldn't really say anything here, since my experience with relationships is none, but I will give in to temptation and just say: Maybe doing something now will give you some satisfaction, some sense of justice, your five seconds of heaven. But the question you should ask is, "This will be worth it?", cause, as everybody already said, there will be consequences. A lot of them. And just to emphasize: Maybe, MAYBE you will feel better with revenge. But maybe it will just make everything worse.
Kash -- I replied to your PM. Feel free to message me at any time. But I have to say that I agree with what everyone else here is saying. I think you know deep down that revenge isn't the answer though ...
Take a bow friends. Such matured and balanced thoughts and words of wisdom. I was really swayed away by these sudden burst of pented up emotions. Trust me i am not a weak person , but some situations make even a man of a man to surrender. And at that juncture just a sane word of wisdom is all he needs. Just got that from you. Thanks a ton , for your efforts to personally redress my emotions. Would love to be a help on here.
