I'm spending the weekend with my mother, and I'm dying to tell her that I think I might be gay. I'm 26 and deeply closeted. I just told my best (girl) friend of 20 years, and she was shocked. I've had boyfriends throughout my life, including my current boyfriend who I've dated for 5+ years. For me, the scariest part of coming out is losing him because he has been my other best friend for 12 years and I still love him. In addition, I'm close with his family, and they've been very generous with me, including doing me a huge favor just four months ago. I'm worried that I'll seem like I was using him. He knows I'm questioning. If I tell her, I can get her advice on what I should do. I'm also secretly hoping that she has some inkling. But, I'm afraid she will be upset. My dad has always made it clear he would still love me and my siblings if we were gay (we're lucky, I know), but my mother is more traditional and may take more time. I'm also afraid, since I'm only about 85-90% sure that I'm gay, that I can never take it back if I'm wrong. I also don't want her to tell my dad yet. This is counter-intuitive since he's more open, but I'm not ready to share yet, and I'm worried she'll want to talk to him about it. Finally, I'm concerned that telling her will make me come out more quickly than I'm ready for. Ie. she suggests I break up with my boyfriend, in doing so I have to tell him I'm gay, he needs to tell his friends and family why we broke up, and suddenly I'm out (and a villain). Thoughts, advice, suggestions would be much appreciated... Thanks.
Its a tricky situation. (*hug*). Firstly I would say you shouldnt worry about not being 100% sure its not a decision that cant be reversed, if you came out as gay and then fell in love with a guy it doesnt matter. I know its difficult and you dont want to hurt anyone, but sometimes you have to be true to yourself, otherwise you are just hurting yourself. Im not saying you have to break up with your boyfriend this minute, but you will probably never actually figure it out in your mind till you do. I think if you want to tell your mum you should, it sounds like you are close and more than likely she will respect your wishes to keep it quiet, and even if her advice is to break up with your boyfriend, it doesnt mean you have to do it, its only advice. In my coming out process I think one of the biggest things I learnt was that if you felt like you wanted to come out to someone then it was probably the best thing to do.
Thanks, Silverhalo. I think you're right about a lot of this. And thanks for the hug That's really good advice. I will keep that in mind.
