College is starting and first off I'd like to announce that I came out to my room mate :eusa_clap and a couple other people. All the comings out went great, and my roomie just kept saying how I should have just told her. But for some reason, a lot of the time i feel alone and left out, dunno why. I felt this way in high school as well. The people who I spend time with are including me and spending time with me, but for some reason I always seem to feel like the odd one out. Dunno why. Does anyone know why I feel this way and how I should counter these feelings of loneliness and feeling left out. I have a feeling that I really am not being left out even though I feel that way. Help? :help:
Foxywolf, I felt really lonely when I started college, and I think it was for two main reasons. First, especially in the beginning of college, everyone is nice and friendly, but it is largely superficial. People are keeping their options open, trying to be friends with everyone, but they're not really close with anyone. Some people are ok just having a lot of acquaintances, but others prefer close friends, and it takes a while to make the kind of friends who you really feel comfortable with. The other reason, which took me three months to figure out, was that I was depressed. The shock of moving away from my family and friends (in your case, perhaps coming out of the closet is another major change) was enough to mess up the chemical levels in my brain. When you say: It sounds to me like you might be depressed. Most universities have free counseling services and they're really great about helping new students adjust. For me, what finally turned things around was finding a group of people with whom I really connected. My advice is to look for communities within the school where you feel comfortable. It might be an LGBT organization, a theater company, a sports team... whatever. It helps if it's a really close-knit community or time-consuming obligation because people will be more likely to be looking to make friends than in a club that meets once a week. Good luck and hope that helps! Feel free to message me as well.
I always feel like that. But then again I'm in high school, first year too I guess it doens't help that I'm also doing online school as well. :/
i'mm still in the closet about myself. when i was in college i drank and i liked girls so i felt right in to a certain extent, but in the back of my mind i had this, "thing" that I felt very guilty about. i always felt left out because of the different groups of people and my lack of social skill in those environments at 18. when i hit the big stage at 21 and i hit the bars i just felt, eh out of place, and rejected myself, but then again if i was standing alone or to afraid to talk to anyone, i was running home looking at gay porn feeling quite comfortable. i had a problem with jealousy, its natural to think people are leaving you out on purpose, and maybe they are, but the sweet thing is, it gives you an opportunity to take action and find the friends and events and activities you want instead of being dependent on others whim and approval. get out there killer.
Yeah Daisy1 a lot of what you said makes sense. Also it is possible that I could be minorly depressed. I know that colleges have counseling services, but if I go do you know if my parents would be notified that I am going to a counselor for counseling? Yeah and I do plan to join clubs and things to meet more people. I am going to join the LGBT club and a couple others, the club fair thing is on september seventh. Thanks for all your input guys, and sorry I took so long to respond, but it's hard to find time to respond now that I am in college.
I definitely agree with this, I experienced the same thing and felt really miserable and lonely in the beginning. But then I got to knew some people better and started feeling happier again. Now I'm going on my 4th year though and I haven't even spent time with the people I was friends in first year with. Many people seem to have experienced the same thing. They had their group of friends in first year and then kept only some of them and made friends with new people in second year. But it will all be good, the beginning is the toughest. Feel free to pm me as well if you want to talk.
I'm pretty sure that counseling is completely confidential - including the fact that you're going. You should able to set up a free consultation to answer any of your questions. Down the road, if you're on your parents' insurance plan and you start paying for appointments, that might show up on their billing records. In my case, I told my parents that I was stressed about classes and the person was helping me with time management, etc. :icon_wink If you're on the university plan, then there's really no way for them to find out. Good luck!
yes, feeling alone and left out even when you are around a bunch of loving friends that invite you out places has occured to me as well. the main part of that is that many of the friends do not know what is really going on with me and the other part if even if they did, i would still feel the same because there's a great part of me that would like to find someone that i truly identify with and can say, "OK, i'm not alone!". i have met other gay people and bi's and stuff but i never really found anyone that i truly "clicked" with that I felt was very similar to me or that we had a lot in common. so even though i have friends, there's a feeling of being alone at times. the best way to counter this is to start to develop friendships with people that you do feel similar to in some way. specifically with sexuality, maybe it's a good idea to meet a few other friends that are like you so you can just let your hair down and not feel isolated.
