Every week this summer I played a sport with a group of people because I wanted to get in shape. We became closer and I've hung out with them several times. Most of these people are from my high school. Anyway... they often say homophobic things like using the derogatory f word for gay people. They make fun of lesbian/gay couples and they always say gay jokes. It's something they talk about almost every time we hang out. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and hurts my feelings. I'm not out to most of them but it still sucks. I came out to "Carl" two years ago and he showed me a website on how I could become straight. He doesn't say homophobic comments but he also doesn't ask his friends to stop. Anyway, my question is should I stop hanging out with them even if I want to get in shape? Should I not hang out with them outside of the sport? Today they invited me to a party but I declined saying I was sick. In reality I just get tired of hearing homophobic comments. Should I come out to them? I like hanging out with them other than the homophobic parts of their conversations.
Aww, I'm sorry, hun...I've got the same problem with some of my friends, and it can really kill your self-esteem, can't it? But I've also got my really good friends--some of them are supportive of LGBT, and even if they're not, they're still supportive of me. Although, of course, I've only come out to enough people to be counted on one hand. My advice would be that if you're not super close with them, gradually drift apart from them and try to find some other friends who will support you for you. No one needs to purposely expose themselves to unhealthy friendships, and don't purposely make yourself feel like the odd girl out. Those things can be unsettling, but it takes all kinds of people to make a world.
Hello there, I kind of know the feeling, and personally I think that being in your situation is one of the biggest challenges that anyone can put you through. The thing is, people who usually take the piss out of people because theres something different about them, do not know that they are hurting anyone. In your case, they do not know you are being affected by the things they say because they do not know that your gay. Maybe if they knew, they'd act differently. However, that still doesnt excuse their behaviour towards people that are born differently. As you say, one of your close friends stands back and lets it happen! I personally think thats abit outrageous, if he knew, and was a true friend, why would he let that happen? There's always a way around it without him exposing you. But thats just my opinion, if you enjoy hanging out with them, maybe you should speak out about the jokes, maybe if they see your opinion, they might understand that what they are saying is wrong, offensive, and narrow minded, after all, people cant change who they are. Hope I helped, sorry for the long post.
I'd say you have three options. * Tell them to lay off those comments, because you're gay, and they're getting more than a little annoying. * Find some other people to exercise with. * Find some other form of exercise. Whichever works best for you. And if Carl's response to you coming out isn't just to show you a website where you can become straight, and to presumably not speak up on your behalf when the comments start, I wouldn't classify him as "friend". Lex
