Sooo, I recently ( a few months ago) decided I was probably bi, mostly because of one girl I really liked. But I recently moved to a new town and she is one of my best friends and I didn't want to screw things up so I didn't say anything. Plus I had a boyfriend. But she is gay so that is at least one thing that was less of a problem. Also she dated a straight but then bi, but then straight again girl once which caused a lot of heartache, and decided to avoid that path in the future. So since I didn't want to be a repeat story I have been busy trying to sort myself out and make sure what I'm feeling isn't a passing thing, and make sure I can deal with being bi (and bi that I mean making sure I feel comfortable with letting people know and making sure I can handle that). Anyway so I had told a few people, joined a website (here I am) and things were going ok. But of course there is a whole other issue there, which is, is it worth the risk to say anything and have it not work out and mess up a very good friendship? well no one ever knows that one, but still a big concern. Anyway I just broke up with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago. And I was quite happy being single for a while and things were all very good. But then I drank too much one too many times. At a friends house of mine, and well now she definitely knows, although I didn't particularly tell her, more like demonstrated :icon_redf On the bright side she seems to have had some feelings for me. On the down side I feel like it is way to soon after a break up to be involved in anything, I don't think I am ready for any relationship. I don't know if I am ready to start a relationship with a girl, particularly one that seems prone to emotionally traumatizing relationships. The last thing I want is to add another one. Also she is someone who doesn't want to mess around in a just for fun relationship. AND ESPECIALLY I don't want to ruin a friendship here. So basically I like her, but I don't want a serious relationship right this minute, and I don't want to screw things up, and I sort of feel like I am already screwing things up by saying I don't want a relationship right now. plus I don't think thats entirely accurate. Also we have kissed since then. I have no idea, sort of full of drifting ideas currently. What should I do? Any help or warnings?
Well you started down the right path, you broke up with the former boyfriend. That limits the amount of people that might be hurt. I would suggest that you just be honest about it. Tell her you do appreciate being her friend, that above all you do not want to mess up the friendship. On the other hand, you are attracted to her, as you demonstrated that evening. Though a relationship is certainly possible down the future, you are still trying to sort some of these things out and would like a little bit of time. In the end, if she can't appreciate that and allow you that time, maybe she isn't the best person to date anyways. At that point she is trying to control your life and limiting your destiny. Best of luck to you and keep us updated.
Honesty is the best policy. Cliche I know, but it's true. Good luck. What you've told us here is pretty much what you need to tell her!
