'lightbulb' moment?

There CAN be a lightbulb moment. I had one. I started wondering if maybe I was gay when I was in college, so I said "You know what? I'm going to go outside and ogle guys." Seriously. Because to this day, it's not something I do without thinking - I have to literally think "I am now going to look at people in a sexual manner." So I went outside the dorm, sat on the bench, and waited for some hot guy to show up. A minute or so later, a guy jogged by. He was wearing nothing but jogging shoes, socks, and small black jogging shorts. (Hey, it was 1990 in southern California.) I watched him sort of surreptitiously as he came up, and then more blatantly as he jogged away.

...and I nearly ripped a hole in my jeans. I may have actually said "Holy shit, I'm gay!" out loud.

But that's me. I don't think it happens to most people. It's something that they get evidence on over time, and come to a conclusion on. If you're 25, and you're thinking "Gay", then I'd just say run with it.

Lex

 

This ^

Sounds like you're sure to me. You said your "wow that girl is so hot!" moment is not going to come. That sounds like a confirmation

 

Getting those non-visible butterflies that fly around in your tummy for a crush of the same sex.

 

My relationship with my ex-girlfriend was very emotionally confusing for me and brought up a lot of questions in my head.
A while after we broke up, I became very closely associated with a girl who was a good friend an my duet partner for choir. I like her quite a lot (like I did my ex).

My lightbulb moment was when she came onto me physically and I went into panic mode. I didnt get involved physically with my ex (should have known then!) and the idea of her advances just wasn't my cup of tea.

 

Well, I didn't had one lightbulb moment till now, but then, it's has not been a long time since I started really thinking about it. I'm on the same boat, I guess.

 

There was a girl that I met a while back, and we really hit it off. I ended up falling for her hard. Before that I was just questioning, but when I met her I got that butterfly feeling in my stomach. I knew I definately wasn't straight

 

I am in exactly the same place right now. What's holding me back is tying myself down. It sounds silly, but I have heard of people who are married 30 yrs and realise they're gay. I don't want that to be me, but I don't wan't to be gay 30 yrs and realize I'm straight. Is it the same for you? I guess what I'm trying to say is it's OK for your sexuality to be fluid, even if you're the only one who knows it.

 

It's the same for me. Right in the point, actually. I kind of came to the conclusion that I should, somehow, try (I mean, if I am gay, or bisexual, good, I will be sure, and if not, what hell, kissing a guy is not gonna kill me) , and see what happens, but then the big problem comes: How do I do that?

 

The reality is, even if you come out as gay and against the odds find out that you're interested in a girl, then you're still not straight. If you're feeling ANY same sex attraction, then you're at the very least bisexual. And a label is something that needs to be strictly adhered to, it's more to easily describe oneself than anything else. It's not like they carve it in stone. Even coming out isn't a permanent thing that they record somewhere.

So don't let labels stand in your way of things. Just like in the way something can be kind of red, people can be kind of gay/straight/bi/genderqueer/etc. But if you're already at the point where you're thinking "I've never been sexually attracted to a girl and I don't think I ever will be" then you're more than likely gay.

 

I'm kind of in the same position, however, I personally do not think that 'lightbulb' moment will come around for me until I accept things are the way they are. Its like something yearning inside that needs confirmation.

Its very hard to come out if your not entirely sure what you are, for example, you don't want to come out gay, and find out you are infact attracted to girls, and vice versa. Its difficult to say, because I'm still waiting. You probably want to be entirely sure, I know I do. You want your mind to be in a place where its not asking questions, its settled on the answer. I suggest experimenting! Maybe then your get the lightbulb moment that you are longing for.

Good Luck.

 

kind of....i was hanging out with my boyfriend. and he decided to go a little further than making out...basically his hand was down my pants, and I freaked out and he was REALLY bad at it and he was being really annoying about everything in general and i basically just said to myself "F*** THIS!!! I'M DONE!!!"

and i didn't realize what that statement meant until later that night. "i'm done". with my boyfriend? or with boys in general?

it was an "aha" moment that was the result of a lot of frustration and painstaking thought. so literally the next day, i said....you know what? i think i'm gay. and i said "i think", and i was still unsure, but it was all part of the process. i'm still in the process. mood swings, drastic changes in certainty, pride to depression and back...but at the end of the day i know who i am.

probably like you, i'm still saying every once and a while, "but what if i'm not?" and sure, you may change your mind. but like Lex said, run with it. just take the risk and say to the mirror, "i'm gay." you'll never get a confirmation that you will never ever like a girl, but it sounds like your light-bulb moment is gonna have to be self-induced. flip that switch.

 

I had one, sort of. Not so much a full "Woah, I'm gay," but something like "Hey, I'm not straight." But I imagine that it's all subjective, and not everyone has one.

 

Like Lex said, there can be a light bulb moment; different people have different coming out experiences, so it won't happen for everyone, but it will for some. I had a light bulb moment because I was never explicitly taught what sexuality was. All I was ever told was, "You know how a man and a woman usually love each other? Well, gay people love other men or other women that way." Thing was, I had no idea what form that "love" took, and only later did I realize it was really concerned with physical attraction, with which sexes aroused me. Since I knew I liked women in some capacity (as friends), I figured that was what that "love" was. It was when I was reflecting on the definition of sexuality late one night while I was having trouble falling asleep (that's when I do my best thinking) that I finally realized that I had only ever been sexually attracted to guys, and that's when I had my "ah ha" moment. I shot out of my bed (i.e. sat up very fast) and said, "Oh my God. I'm gay." And then I went to sleep.

 

Well, I had a lghtbulb moment. Though in hindsight, it was more the end of a process than a sudden flash of insight.

To me, it happened in the middle of a long train ride. I was composing a long-overdue reply to an email from one of my friends.
I tend to write almost stream-of-consciousness and then edit to get aa coherent text. And suddenly, in the middle of it, I had the odd idea of wondering what it would be like to come out to this guy. So the next paragraph was really that: me coming out to him. When I got to typing "I'm gay" (first time I ever uttered the thought in typing or even in thinking without any qualifiers like "maybe", or "possibly"), I had this feeling: "wow, it would feel so good and natural and fitting if I could just send that e-mail".

In the end, I didn't send it, however. While it was good to make me resolve to come out, I wasn't entirely ready for it yet. So even if ligtbulb moments happen, don't expect miracles either.
Also, it was totally eclipsed by actually coming out for the first time, and really feeling it was the right thing to do.

Then again, this is why I never think writing a letter can hurt. You don't need to send or use it (I never sent any of my coming-out letters), but it does allow you to imagine what coming out would be like, and in doing so you might have some minor revelations.

 

>>>I don't want that to be me, but I don't wan't to be gay 30 yrs and realize I'm straight.

Well, one would assume you weren't living those 30 years in deep denial. You weren't faking being gay when you actually really wanted to be straight. You actually would have thought you were gay all the time, and presumably had some good relationships and good sex along the way. And wouldn't that be a better way to spend those thirty years than being in a holding pattern "just in case"?

>>>then the big problem comes: How do I do that?

Easy - run with it.

If you think you might be gay, try it on. First, do it internally. Tell yourself "I'm gay" in the mirror. Go through your day (mentally) as if you are gay. Feel free to "think gay thoughts", because, y'know, you're gay. Surreptitiously ogle guys if you feel like it, look at gay porn, thinking about hot guys while you masturbate. Give it a go for awhile.

And if it still seems to fit, start working on coming out. So other people will know you're gay, and other gay guys will know you're on the market.

Lex

 

This might sound really strange, but here's what I think did it to me. At night when I was trying to fall asleep, I would put a pillow beside me and imagine it was a girl. It was okay, but I never could see why guys were so obsessed with it. There was some sort of disconnect. I had acknowledged my sexual attraction to guys a while before, so I considered myself bi, but I had never let myself think of guys in an emotional way. One night, I actually allowed myself to think of that pillow as a guy and it just felt so right to me. So yeah, now you have more insight into my strange thought processes...

 

Nah, it was a gradual series for me.

 

I had been questioning myself if I was a lesbian for years, then I learned about bisexuality and realized that I was, in fact, bisexual.

Now, before that I thought that I was a lesbian for four years. So I was totally confused as to why I still had feelings around guys.

 

It's been a gradual series of realizations for me as well. I sort of feel like my sexuality has swung back and forth throughout my life, so (nerd alert) I made this "Lifetime Sexuality Retrospective" chart to help me look for patterns and better understand what was happening.