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How do I stop trying to like guys (I'm a gay girl)?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by apondinaforest, Sep 4, 2011.

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  1. apondinaforest

    apondinaforest Guest

    I recently came out as a lesbian, but now I wish I had come out as bi. I don't like guys romantically or sexually, but I can't let go of them. All my life I've tried to have a protector, some man who really loves me (got daddy issues), and I think I would feel really insecure being a lesbian. I can't stand not having the attention of men, I become easily obsessed with any who pays attention to me. Then when things get romantic (on their side), I flee as quickly as possible. The way things are right now, I see myself denying I'm gay, calling myself bi, but only dating guys all the time. I see myself in unsatisfying relationships with men, just for the sake of not feeling unloved by them. I don't want to be like this anymore. My love for women is strong, but very neglected because of this obsession. It feels good and right to be with them, for just a little while... Then I start thinking about guys again. I'm pretty confused because that would make me bi, but being with men sucks completely, I hate it. Could any one shed some light on this???
     
    #1 apondinaforest, Sep 4, 2011
  2. LegitRomance

    LegitRomance
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    Let's just say hell.
    Then don't fuss over it and just accepted that your actually bi.
     
    #2 LegitRomance, Sep 4, 2011
  3. thedreamwatch

    thedreamwatch Guest

    A couple of things:

    First off, you're making the assumption that you can't get the things you get from guys from a girl. Gay girls are all different personalities. Some more passive, some aggressive. Some protective, some, like you, that prefer to be the protected. And many of us are a mixed bag when it comes to stereotypical guy/girl traits.

    Next, if you're aware that you have some issues that are making you feel this way, have you considered going to therapy? If it's possible, I seriously recommend it to anyone who's having trouble with anything they're doing in their life--but especially those of us who feel stuck in a cycle we can't break free from.
     
    #3 thedreamwatch, Sep 4, 2011
  4. apondinaforest

    apondinaforest Guest

    Yeah, that makes sense. I guess I got used to searching for romance from men, and not really considered I could actually find it with a woman. I'm kinda learning what it means to be gay, I guess.
    Actually, I do go to therapy, but I don't feel comfortable discussing sexuality with anyone, except in here, where I'm anonymous.
     
    #4 apondinaforest, Sep 4, 2011
  5. addie88

    addie88
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    Don't let your labels define who you are and what you do. Just because you've deemed yourself lesbian doesn't mean you can't date a guy or two.

    Let the person that's right for you find you-- if you try to look for him OR her, you'll just be disappointed. Go with the flow. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 addie88, Sep 4, 2011
  6. Maddy

    Maddy
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    This is something I'd like to second. I'm really the protective type, whether I'm with my friends or with a girl, but more so with girls. I'm the type who'll give you my jacket, or walk you home if it's getting late, that kind of thing. I do take care of and protect the people that I love. So yeah, that's definitely something you can get from a girl as well as from a guy.
     
    #6 Maddy, Sep 4, 2011
  7. VentinIntrovert

    VentinIntrovert
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    I sorta of have a similar issue... except i'm gay... I think it's always important to have a best friend of the opposite sex, whether they are lesbians (so cute), or straight...
     
    #7 VentinIntrovert, Sep 4, 2011
  8. Aya McCabre

    Aya McCabre
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    There's a world of a difference between wanting a man and wanting stereotypically male qualities. Something to think about.
     
    #8 Aya McCabre, Sep 5, 2011
  9. Sadepeura

    Sadepeura
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    I have a little bit similar problem. For instance, I went to an old car display yesterday and I just kept dreaming how cool it would have been to live a couple of decades ago and be picked up for a date in one of those cars. And I just kept thinking about that it would be a guy I would go on a date with. But I wasn't interested in the idea of a guy, I just cared about me going on a date in one of those cars. Then I started thinking what's wrong with me. And realised that I would actually be a lot happier if it was a girl who picked me up in one of those cars. :grin:

    So yeah, I think you just can't let go men because you are imagining what a traditional relationship would be like and haven't yet settled in your mind that you can have all the same things with a woman.
     
    #9 Sadepeura, Sep 5, 2011
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