As the title says I am thinking of coming out at an all-boys school. The main reason for this is that I have a little bit of a crush on a guy who is in my Religious studies class (oh the irony :lol This has been going on for a little over a year and I have avoided this happening like the plague. But I think the only way of solving this problem is coming out to him. Though I am not very close with him at all, I do see glimpses of gay tendencies. I do get a little bit of a vibe but I'm not sure if its just me hoping for it to be true or not. The reason that is holding me back to telling this person is what I mentioned in the title. I go to an all-boys school, which to my analysis isn't very gay-friendly. So coming out to everyone isn't really a smart idea in my mind. Even my closest friends at school don't like gay people :icon_sad: So I'm asking for you help 'empty closets' forum. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated :icon_bigg
So it's an all-boys school, so there's...no girls. I'd be suprised if there wasn't a gay sub-community. I think dropping hints, wearing a rainbow bracelet/wristband, treading water, testing the atmosphere would be a good idea. As opposed to dropping the gay-bomb. I'd also try and get a bit closer to your crush. He might be a little freaked out if you suddenly go "Hey! Guess what..." on the other hand - and if the stars were aligned - he might swing the same way.
Hmm yeah I'm sure there is a community in hiding. What do you think about the "gay signs" that I'm seeing? Do you think its just hopeful thinking? Or is this "gay radar" thing I'm hearing a good indicator?
the best way to know if someone likes you are not is just to ask. however, this can be weird and it can also lead to someone not being as "ok" with the idea as you may have hoped. the only thing you do know is that YOU are interested in him. you do not know how he feels about you or if he even notices you. also these "gay tendencies" are sometimes real and sometimes wishful thinking.even if they are real it doesn't meant that he is ready to accept them or that he wants someone else to know or that he even likes you. the best thing you can do is work toward just being his friend if you think he is a great person. if later down teh road you think you may want to come out to him, then that's your choice and you will know its a safe place to do that since you guys are friends. but my best suggestion is to not put a lot of energy into your crush. as far as coming out to the school. only you can make that decision. you already said its not a supportive environment. i think it's best for you to make friends that may be supportive and if you do feel like down the road you want to tell them, that's up to you. i just dont feel like it's the school's business. and yes, there are other gay or gay questioning kids at your school and many of them are probably not guys you would ever suspect. many times the ones that you think "maybe he is...." well they are not, and the ones you dont even think about or question , well they are.
I think that is the best decision to make. While it would be nice to have this all out now I feel as though I have too much to loose. It has been difficult to interact with him, like any crush I get really nervous when he is around and really struggle to talk to him :icon_redf I know it seems stupid, but thats just how I have been interacting with him since I realised I liked him. Some times I feel as though we connect, other times it doesn't seem to be there at all. As you (feelindown) suggested I think that friends first is the right attitude. If it's meant to be, things will work themselves out
yep that's the way to look at it. we all have crushes and in our minds the object of our crush is AWESOME, they look great, they seem nice, they are ideal in everyway, but the reality is, many times its someone that you have limited experience of even knowing or hanging out with. once you try and become friends, you may find that you aren't as attracted to the person anymore. jsut work up the nerve to be friends, make small talk, hang out, see if you guys have anything in common. friendships take time. also sometimes these moments of "connection" are in our mind. there is a connection but usually its one-sided. we have all been there. i'm not saying that crushes dont turn out good. some can, sometimes there's a connection, but a good rule of thumb is if everything is one sided, then more often than not, all the stuff is wishful thinking. good luck. take your time, get to know you first. no need to rush coming out to the school and just make a great new friend and be open to making friends with people that want to make friends with you. you never know, you could be someone's crush and they are hoping that you will be friends with them too. good luck.
Hey, My question is, why do you need to come out to the entire school if you are feeling its not gay friendly, no1 wants to be in that kind of enviriment. So maybe you should just get to know this guy first, and if and when you feel comfortable enough to tell him your feelings. Go for it. I'm not telling you not to come out in school, do it if it feels right. I'm getting the phibe your only doing it for this guy that you think may be gay, thats a pretty big thing to do just to let one person know that you into them. Don't put yourself in danger is what I'm trying to say. Get to know this guy and find out a little more. Good Luck. A.S
