I know I may just sound dumb, but I kind of need some advice. I'm a guy in my late teens, and i think I might be gay. And that's part of the problem. "i think i might be gay". I can't even say "I'm gay". How do I sort of get more comfortable with myself as a gay person, and learn to accept myself for who I am? Sorry if I sound a little scattered, I'm just really confused. Thanks for all your help!!
You have nothing to be ashamed of Ben. Many of the people on EC may have felt the same way that you do. I know I did. I had a lot of self hatred for so many years of my life because of who I was. I tried to change who I was, and ended up going down a steep descent into self hatred. With the help of accepting people and friends, I managed to turn my life around and begin to accept myself. It can take time, and it isn't always easy but you can get there. Keep doing things you enjoy (hobbies), and surround yourself with positive people, and if you have to, move or stay away from toxic (judgemental) people or situations and things WILL get better. (*hug*) Even if you find out in the end that you are straight, bi, gay or whatever, then that's ok. There are so many different types of people in this world. You will fit in somewhere. And you are ok just the way you are.
Hey Ben, I feel the same way, as in I can't say "I'm gay", but instead, I say, "I like guys". I guess it'll just take time to make yourself more comfortable as a gay person, I'm not 100% comfortable with myself being gay either. A relationship with another guy may help that a lot, but those can be difficult to find, unless you decide to use a dating website, which I wouldn't recommend.
It seems one thing that helps the most is getting to know more gay people. If you don't know any, there's a lot of "what ifs" and "what does this mean" thoughts floating around. But as you get to know more gay people, you tend to switch your perception. You can more easily grasp the idea of "they're just people, who are gay". You'll see that being gay is no impediment to living a kick-ass life. Lex
Along the lines of what Lex suggested, you might want to do some research into other LGBT topics - watch some documentaries, watch some gay/lesbian movies, Google gay history, etc...I think it'll help you realize that gay people are just regular people who happened to be born into a socially ostracized caste which is founded on bad logic and scapegoat mob mentality. There are some really good videos in this thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/lgbt-...ort-advice-comfort-equality-other-videos.html
I'm kind of finally getting over this, but I certainly know where you are coming from. When I was first starting to come out (not that I'm by any means done) I would have been fine with telling everyone, being proud, and all that jazz if I understood myself better. Still I didn't know exactly what I was, gay, bi, straight and this is just a stage. I just wanted someone to hand me a slip of paper I could open and have someone tell me. Hell, I would have RATHER been gay then bi or straight. It was the not knowing I hated. I guess I'm getting to a point where I'm just deciding the labels aren't all that important, and I consider myself gay because... A. I actually am happy with it and would rather be good friends with a girl then sexual with one. B. Even though I find girls attractive on a face level... not so much much in other ways... C. I've only ever been in a serious physical or emotional relationship with a man. D. I don't think I'd feel comfortable being exclusively the "masculine" one in a relationship, in the bedroom or otherwise. When I see these things put together it just makes more sense for me to identify as gay then bi. Perhaps that could change in the future, but so can almost anything.
Hey Ben, It's great that you came here for support. I was totally in your situation about a year ago. It was impossible for me to even say the words "I'm gay" out loud. It'll take some time, but you'll get comfortable with yourself, and eventually it will feel good to say it! After I first said it outloud, I then spent the next 8 months just saying it outloud every once in awhile. At work, at school, in the car (always in places I knew no one would hear me). But it was good to say it outloud, and associate being gay with those places. Eventually saying it won't even raise your anxiety levels. It's a step of becoming comfortable with yourself before you move on to telling others. It's not easy, but it'll be worth it. If you need anything else there's a lot of great people here to help
