Hi everyone...remember me?! This ain't a easy path is it?...on the one hand, I feel so free now I am out. On the other...there's so much to sort out, and while I don't ever want to be a secret gay ever again, being honest means consequences and things have to be rearranged...especially emotions, expectations, relationships etc etc. Many tears have been flowing (like, right at this moment!)...I have not regret about coming out...but need lots of hugs to help me on the way. I'm going to be honest here...hope that's ok. I've got a few male sex partners who I see every now and then...one in particular is special...lovely man. Now, nothing will happen long term with him...and I'm in the dilemma that in my mind I have a stupid romantic notion that it would all be ok if we got it together, rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after. At the same time, I've got my lustful urges that just want to go and have sex with someone. Then I just want a hug. Then I cry. Then there are all the sites...all with thousands of guys available right now...so I make new friends there...hope for deep relationship...realize that mostly that ain't gonna happen...get disappointed...wonder if I am gay after all etc etc. Then I've got my family to think about...etc etc. I guess what I'm saying is for you guys who are about to come out...be ready for the emotional roller coaster. I am seeking some counseling...I know I need help with this it's a bit like being reborn...perhaps these are the labor pains? So...hope you don't mind the rambling...this is a good place to ramble! I feel so deeply for all you guys who are where I was four weeks ago...knowing you've got to say something to your wife...because you love them you need to be honest. I truly know what it's like. Please do contact me if you lie...not sure I can be much help, but I am a virtual shoulder to cry on...actually...that's just what I need right now. Thanks guys Rob
I don't really have any advice since I can't even imagine how hard it has to come out to your wife and family, but I deeply believe that what you are doing will benefit you and your family later on and that you are a brave man for fighting for your happiness. Best of luck with everything.
Hi there, and welcome back. If you're just 3 or 4 weeks into this, you've got to give yourself a lot of credit and a lot of time. You're not going to feel settled or secure for a little while yet - as you have a life time of emotions and preconceived notions to work through. It takes a lot of time. You're also not likely to find someone to ride off into the sunset with in these first 4 weeks. Nor would I suggest engaging in any short term arrangements either for a while. You're going through a really emotional time, as is your wife if you've come out to her, and right now the best thing you can do is focus on you and her. Don't introduce anyone else into the equation for a while. Have the two of you looked into getting counselling? It was the best thing my wife and I did when I came out. He helped us maintain our friendship and love for each other by learning to communicate effectively and work through our emotions. It was extremely valuable, and I'd recommend it to everyone working through this situation. Finding that special someone is possible though. Not necessarily through a dating site, but it is possible. I met my husband through the Gay Fathers of Toronto support group. Perhaps there are support groups like that for you to attend. I met him 8 months after I came out to my wife, and offered to just be a friend to him - as he was going through the same process with his wife. Over the next several weeks we came to realize that we really enjoyed each other's company, and we were interested in the same things. We also were similar in terms of our outlook for a long term relationship. (He contemplated 'playing the field' for a while, but he recognized a good thing when he had it! :icon_bigg) All the best to you and your family. Don't hesitate to write here, or to write to me via a PM if you want to talk one on one.
I think what u did was very brave,and is for the best no matter what consequences their is.Hiding from urself will only cause pain.
hi, you're an inspiration from what you have wrote so far, im 32 got gf and 2yr old son, and have been meeting guys since 2005, from internet, would of never had the courage to meet in bars etc. so its been easy, i too get thoughts of am i really gay or bi, then have feelings that i prefere guys more, i have had some good meets though, sex with guys is so good sometimes, i wish i had the courage to come out and be 100% certain. im confused, ive got family members who i think would be ok with it but also got some who wouldnt be. not sure how my gf would take it, i hope you feel better soon, as maybe sometime soon i will be going through the same dilema. take it easy.
