Atypical gays?

Saying that everyone is unique is a bit cliché, but that's pretty much it. Aren't we all a bit of everything?. Some have a lot or few gay "interests" (if I can say that).

I don't think it's really possible to correlate perfectly to a specific community because normally, we have more than one hobby or interest. I think no one in this forum will say that they are a typical gay with only gay interests and that's it. I don't think these people exist. We're multi-dimensional.

But at the same time, I completely understand what you mean. I'm kind of like you. I like gaming, and classical minimalism. Add to that horror and foreign movies, a touch a glitter and there I am. I always think that we'll end up finding someone that will fit with us. Whatever our interests are. Birds of a feather flock together, right?

 

In the same way that you don't fit all the stereotypes, lots of other gay people don't either. None of us fit all of them and many of us don't fit any. Some of us do. That's not the point, though. It seems like you're making the assumption though that you're more different than other gay people and that's not really the case. If you're different, then you're different--just like every other one of us in the LGBT community. You'll find someone to click with, just give 'em a chance to show you that they aren't all the same.

The thing is, my friends aren't just the gay ones and the ones who like philosophy like I do and the ones who enjoy Kristen Stewart movies. I don't have a group of mutually exclusive friends for each of my interests. Most people don't, I think. So find people you enjoy being with and you might find that you have more in common than you think. In terms of sexuality and otherwise.

 

First off, there is nothing debatable about your looks. Like, honestly, I would double-take. Freckles are like the cutest thing, ever?

Everyone is an individual, everyone has a bunch of different interests. Things like "jock" and "band-geek" and "fratboy" and "lesbian" and "gay" are stereotypes and they don't even begin to describe people on a real level. Everyone has a bunch of different interests. Personally, I love gaming. I like classical music and K-Pop and sometimes I claim that I'm the white Nicki Minaj. I'm equally comfortable and excited when discussing musicals and the intricacies of constitutional law or erotic novels. You just have to find people that share your interests, and they're going to come from different groups of people and I think that's a good thing. It keeps life interesting. It gives it flavor.

Honestly, be glad you don't fit very neatly into any of these pre-packaged boxes that our society has created for people. Once you're inside one, it's very hard to get out.

 

I think you'd be surprised how many gay people other there feel the exact same way. Despite that I'm gay, and am interested in drag, almost all of my friends are straight guys. I play the same games as them, listen to most of the same music, have a similar sense of humor, read the same books. Yet stereotypes are only that, a stereotype.

I'm a regular of a gay image board where almost everyone seems to be a gamer and I see so many threads about the same thing. That they feel like they are the only gay guy on the planet that doesn't act gay =/ Its a common belief, but its not really true.

 

I have the same problem. I really like the athletic masculine jock-type guy who likes video games and football type stuff. Unfortunately, I usually get a straight guy who fits the description, or a gay guy who is the exact opposite of that. Haha.

 

It's funny that you mention that you feel there aren't many gay people out there that don't fit the stereotype, and that you are a gamer/techie. I actually know a lot more gamers/techs that are gay than I do gay people that are into fashion, or other "feminine" things.

I also want to echo one posters sentiment in saying that almost every gay person that doesn't fit the stereotype tends to think they are the only ones that don't (not saying that is your case, but pretty close). The truth is, a lot of gay people don't fit the stereotype at all.

I try to be friends with all sorts of people, because I believe great opportunities love to hide themselves in small, distinct corners of the world. You don't have to be interested in 99% of the things that a friend is interested in to be friends. If you base your friendships off of activities and nothing else, then sure you are probably not going to find a lot of gay people to hang out with. I prefer to base my friendships off a combination of activities and emotional support -- in fact, I have two very close friends who have completely different interests than I do, but we click so well that we even got an apartment together.

 

While I understand that stereotypes are almost always inaccurate, a funny and at the time infuriating story I'd share:

The first guy I came out to was also the first guy I ever had a serious crush on, so part of the reason I came out to him was a faint hope that maybe he'd come out to me to, and we could live happily ever after or something. When that didn't happen, I have to say I was really surprised, because, while he doesn't have any of the stereotypical gay mannerisms or act particularly effeminate, he has great fashion sense, tends to be concerned with matters related to his hair, and is a self-professed Gleek. I even said this to him a while back, how it seemed to me that, between the two of us, people would probably always guess that, if one of us was gay, it'd be him.

Besides that, I'm afraid I don't actually know any gay people. Which is a bummer for me, because the feeling of isolation gets tedious at times. But, hey, I have the internet!

 

I'm a transgendered Buddhist in Alabama. I'd say join the club, but I AM the club. I relate to your serious lacking of gay friends and lovers though, 'cause I just came out so I don't know anyone in my hometown except a brace of queer bartenders at the single lesbian bar in town. My suggestion on that front is to just put yourself out there. I don't think you're really getting to know people long enough to see the things that you might have in common with them.

Ex. I'm interested in video games, but I'm highly unlikely to divulge that information on first meeting someone unless the topic comes up in conversation.

I can relate to this too. I mean, these are the interests I put down on my profile:

I mean, who the hell is interested in video games AND agriculture?
(A: Me.)

There are STRONG queer elements running through the art and intellectual undergrounds. You are not traveling in the right circles. Just throw yourself into your local hobby groups for the interests you have mentioned here, and you will find the gays. There are always a good number of gays mixed into special interest groups. I know for a fact that the gaming/anime club in my hometown is to the gills with them.

The place for gay geeks, queer nerds, and intellectual bisexuals | Gay Geeks.org

Gay minimalism has its own movement: ARTWRIT

As for gay metal, can't really help you there. But I did find this and it was hilarious:

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB19S4xrOQU[/YOUTUBE]

 

i do not relate to gay people or gay culture. i have tried, it's like talking to girls. in fact, it's not even like talking to girls because girls do not act as annoying as they do. non sterotypical gay men are out there but they are secluded and keep to theirselves. gay lifestyle and culture are ruled by the queens. if you feel like you dont fit in, it's probably because you are normal and regular acting. sorry, that's how it is.

 

^ There's so much wrong with this post that I don't even know where to start.

Your point of view isn't uncommon. I had it myself to some degree. And you sum it up pretty well, but let me distill it even further. "I may be gay, but I'm no faggot like them." It's a convenient way to feel separated (and elevated) from the hoi polloi, and thus not have to deal with the rather obvious fact that you ARE like them. I mean, if you don't relate to "gay people", you must not BE "gay people", right?

I've got plenty of gay friends and acquaintances. Ranging all across the spectrum, from you'd-never-guess to drag queen. And they're all just people. Yeah, the really effeminate ones can be somewhat bitchy or what have you. Just like the straight-acting ones can get all chuffed for the rather silly reason that they're "straight-acting". They're all people, and they all have traits that can get on my nerves. But it's only the effeminate ones who get saddled with the word "act". "They ACT all gay". Well, they ARE all gay. Maybe they're just being themselves? No one ever accused me of "acting all straight". If you were more comfortable with yourself, maybe you'd be able to allow them to BE who they are, without feeling the need to throw up barriers.

In terms of interests, I certainly don't have much that'd one would call "stereotypically gay". I dress like a slob. Disco music is fine, but I couldn't name any dance hits from the last ten years, as I'm more of a rock guy. I have little interest in gossip and even less in drama. But despite all this, I still don't have any trouble interacting with, and even befriending, gay guys who are plucked from the Stereotype Handbook. I usually end up finding common ground somewhere - and if nowhere else, there's always that "we like guys" thing to fall back on. And none of them have ever seen fit to exclude me from the group for not conforming to some supposed "code of behavior". They know I'm "straight-acting", like sports, listen to rock, and dress in T-shirts'n'jeans. And the most I ever get for it is mild jokes. "Maybe we could use you to lure more hot guys into our fold." They accept me for one basic reason - I accept them.

Lex

 

great for you.

 

Using words like "correlate" makes me think of statistics, so to put it in statistical terms: no one fits the average, but there's a huge standard deviation

Personally, I'm some distance from the stereotype. I like gaming, I mostly listen to classical music and movie and game soundtracks, and I'd have lots of fun entertaining (or alternatively: boring) you with science and history trivia.
Meanwhile, as far as fashion goes, I'm still not over the discovery that putting socks in your sandals is considered wrong, however. And in theatre, I can remember the things I was dragged along to, but that's about it.

Looking around, though, that goes for most of the other gay guys I personally know. Literally all of them are into gaming. None of them have any kind of stereotypical music taste, and I'm actually the most artsy and fashionable one among them. I can't say anything about a general "gay community" here, as I'm not exactly involved in that, but at least my personal "gay circle" seems pretty far from the stereotype.
Though I'll admit: that's mainly because we started off as friends based on shared interests first, and only years down the line (almost accidentally) discovered that quite a few of us were gay.

So personally, my advice is to keep associating on interests, and if those friends you make that way are gay too: then more similarities (or even options) for you! Keeping in touch with the "gay community" is good, but it shouldn't dominate the totality of your social life.

 

I don't really associate Atypical and Gay together. You could just be Atypical to mainstream culture, Period. I don't listen to mainstream music. Hell no one I know of listens to Celtic music or Classic Rock. The same could be said for some shows I watch. Events I go to. Etc.

Also to the OP, you live in PA. I can name two events in NJ for the alternative/goth/geek/gamer crowd that gives no indication of LGBT or not but is very much so friendly from the past events I've gone to.

 

If there is anything I have learned from life, especially being gay, it is that no one is "normal and regular acting". There are a lot of people that you might consider normal that I don't, and the opposite (vice-verse) is also true. For instance, to me people who are obsessed with Twilight are not normal (no offense Twilight fans, I still love you), but to others they are; and to be fair, although I am into classic rock, people think that is weird.

The point is that there is no "normal" in this world.

 

There are actually a lot of gay nerds and gamers, they're just not particularly noticeable. On a few gaming forums I frequent, I've not only seen out players but threads and even chatrooms - just not advertised ones. It might seem like a barren wasteland when it comes to this or that, but the more you dig the more stuff you find going on under the surface. A lot of people just aren't upfront about it.

One of the gay gamers I know is actually one of the least "girly" people I know, too. He likes drinking, fighting, and fighting games.

I guess what I'm saying is don't get discouraged just because you're having a harder time finding gays among the gamers, philosophers, digital artists, etc, or like minds among the rest. They're there. If one group isn't meeting your needs, keep looking or try a different way of looking and networking.

Orientation doesn't really play into the sense of "belonging" for me, so while most of my circles are heterosexual (to the extent of my knowledge), I'm pretty cozy socially. I managed to meet a few other lesbians I can talk to, though, and that helps me out when I feel out of place. Sometimes it's not so much about the groups as it is about the individuals.

As for getting dates, I know I'm not what a lot of girls look for, but I am what some look for. That's what matters.

 

Fifteen seconds on Google gave me this.

Of course, most of them are sports/activity oriented, but that's not surprising. It's more common to see an organized group of people get together to play softball or go biking, than it is to see them congregate to play video games or discuss minimalism. But if there's an activity there that appeals to you, that might be a good first step.

Lex

 

Dude, if I can go have shots with a bunch of hot women in Butt Fucking Eygpt, Alabama, then you can most certainly find a hot artsy intellectual Halo headshooting RPG coveting queer in PHILADELPHIA.

It's the City of Brotherly Love, for Pete's sake. :icon_wink

 

I started reading this post because I felt that it kinda applied to me, but I've got to say that by the end of it, I'm feeling really inspired to go out there and meet new people. Almost all of what's been said here is true.
Anybody who is feeling similar to this way, or simply feels that they can't connect with other people as a whole, should read this. A lot of awesome advice here.