Girlfriend leaving to be polyamorous

I can never do random hook-ups. My friends think it's that I'm not interested in anyone. It's that if the person is interested in me, it's me only sista. It's hard but it's worth it.

 

I'm sorry. What a horrible situation. At this point, all you can do is pick up the pieces and move on. Some people are suited to polyamory, and some are not. It really would have been better if your girlfriend had been up front with you at first, but unfortunately she didn't discover who she was until now.

Good luck!

 

Hey, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about the situation you're in, as it seems like a really tough time for you. I agree with what Melusine said, which would be to trust try your best and move on from her. Clearly you have different ideas of how you want the relationship to work. I'm glad to see, though, that you acknowledge the fact that you know it's not gonna work out, before you get trapped in a situation you don't wanna be in.

 

Hi Queerios! Welcome to EC! (*hug*)

While it's always hard to see someone we love leave, especially for reasons that seem to only hurt us, I think that, even tho I know you still have feelings for her, you may want to give her some time to realize who she's losing. She may decide after having her time away from you on her terms, that she has lost someone who truly cared about her. On the other hand, if she just wants to see other people & is polyamorous, as much as it hurts to hear & is hard for me to say, you may find that it's better that you both aren't together anymore, as she may have hurt you by seeing other women behind your back. I hope everything works out for you tho...

 

Well first, there's a lot of monogamous queers. If you browse through the threads, tons of people here at EC are desperate for a long-term, stable relationship.

Two, I completely relate to you, because there is no way in hell I would date someone who thought it was cool to date (or even just fuck) other people. We could be friends (I have befriended many a slut in my day) but I am way too much of a jealous bastard to allow that stuff to go on in my own relationships, either with my involvement or behind my back.

I don't agree with open relationships. Cool for you, not for me. Absolute dealbreaker, and if someone I was interested in said any of the following...

"I only do open relationships."
"I'm polyamorous."
"I don't labels."

...it would cool me off of them really fast.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of prejudiced against people who are polyamorous, because I think it's dismissive of the emotions involved in sexual intimacy. It turns "making love" into "fucking," something done for entertainment value instead of to strengthen a relationship. And there is no incentive to strengthen ANY of your relationships, because guess what? If someone pisses you off, you have other lovers already lined up, so you have nothing to lose in being fickle.

I don't like that.

I know there's going to be some polys come up on here behind me and say that they
ARE in several committed relationships at once, and everyone is fine and happy and there are no third (or fourth, or fifth) wheels.

And I look at them like this:

 

Mmm, for me menage a trois are different than regular polyamory. I dunno. It's not the same as someone saying, "I'm polyamorous, and I'll sleep with whomever I want, whenever I want."

A menage a trois is not a monogamous relationship, but it's close.

 

I'm sorry, there's no way if I were you that I could interpret it as anything but, "You are not enough of a lover for me."

Maybe that's insecurity on my part. But that's just the way I'd feel about it, and I don't think all the pretty words in the world would change it. This kind of situation would break my heart if it was my femme.

 

Ugh, that sucks......I don't really have any advice, but I feel for you.

 

im with maverick, one on one or nothing

 

I kind of support polyamory because...I'd probably end up cheating because there are things about both sexes I enjoy...I know it's selfish to say I want both, but I want both...

 

I'm not sure why your friends won't give you support because they're against "dyke drama". This isn't "dyke drama". This is a friend who broke up with her girlfriend. You don't have some long she-said-she-said of underhanded backstabbing and betrayal to relate. It can be summed up with "she decided couldn't be monogamous with just me, so we had to break up." The end. No drama.

Lex

 

Hey,

First of all I would like to send you some online (*hug*) (*hug*)s you sound like you need them.
Secondly I would say I think you are 100% making the right decision and I think whilst its very difficult you have made a brave and intelligent decision which a little time down the road you will be rewarded for.

In my opinion it sounds to me like your girlfriend wants to have her cake and eat it.