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Am I the only person like this?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MusicMan12, Sep 8, 2011.

  1. MusicMan12

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    I didn't really know what category to post this under so I just chose this one :slight_smile:

    Anyway, basically I would like to know if anyone else is like me. I'm 19, yet I still haven't had a relationship, or even had my first kiss yet...obviously, that has a lot to do with me still being closeted, but still, I don't know any other people my age that haven't at least kissed someone :confused:

    Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not the hottest guy at my school, but I think I'm more good looking than some people.

    Do you think it's a problem that I've never been in a relationship or kissed anyone? And if you would like to share, how old were you when you had your first kiss or relationship?
     
  2. Gallatin

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    I have a question: are you talking about having your first kiss/ relationship with a guy? I'll assume so.

    If that's the case, I've never had a relationship with one, mainly due to being closeted up until very recently. I did kiss one once on an ill-fated attempted hook-up that lasted about five minutes before I walked out.

    I've kissed several girls, though, and had my first relationship with one when I was 17.

    And absolutely no, it's not a problem. Some people take longer than others to find someone they want to be with. There's nothing wrong with that.
     
  3. wellhidden

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    Yea it does get a bit lonely living this kind of life.
    The most practical advice i can give is that you have to let people know you are indeed gay, it will probably boost your chances of finding a relationship with someone. But then again there are people who are just like you, shy, closeted and yet to have your first kiss, so why not be the one to approach someone and make the move first?

    Good luck ~Hidden
     
  4. daedalus

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    Granted it was with a guy but I didn't have my first kiss until about 17 or 18 years old(which the first time he tried to surprise kiss me, I nearly cracked him in the face). My first, only and short relationship(with a guy, still wasn't out yet) was at 20.

    Why do so many people give first kisses, relationships and virginity an age deadline?
     
  5. Fugs

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    I can relate, I'm 18 and have never dated or kissed anyone due to not being interested in girls as I was growing up and not accepting who I was until my senior year.

    Remember that you are never alone, and many many of us here on EC have gone through the exact same things you have. Don't be afraid to come to us if you ever have anything on your mind. (*hug*)
     
  6. Gallatin

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    That's a really good point.
    I remember in high school that guys used to put immense pressure on each other to have girlfriends or mess around with girls. Those that did were put on a pedestal, and those that didn't were put through more shame and ridicule. And the more time that passed, the worse that shame and ridicule got.
     
  7. Lexington

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    Hello, I'm Lexington.
    First actual, sexual kiss at age 20 or so.
    First got laid at age 25.
    First boyfriend at age 26.

    I'd like to think I turned out OK. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  8. Mogget

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    My first kiss was at age 21, almost a year after my first sexual encounter/almost boyfriend (I'm still mad at the guy in question for not kissing me).
     
  9. Maddy

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    Other than a couple of little things I choose not to count, I didn't have my first proper kiss until I was 20, and at 21 I haven't had a functional relationship and I'm still a virgin.
     
  10. random13

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    Hello! Well I'm 19 and I haven't kissed anyone, and I do mean ANYONE... So you're not alone.. It's nice to know that a lot of people haven't or didn't have their first kiss until they were older.. I was feeling kind of lonely to think I was one of the few.. =0)
     
  11. FoxFire11

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    This! That sounds exactly like me, 19 never been in a relationship or kissed anyone male or female. Its Frustrating :bang:
     
  12. VireBlaze

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    Same here. One day, though. ONE DAY. *shakes fist for future triumph*
     
  13. Samadhi

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    My first kiss was in Kindergarten (my Mum loves to recount the tale) :lol:

    My first real kiss, though, and 'proper' sexual relationship was with a girl at nineteen or twenty. Before that, I was worried - and pretty much convinced - I'd die a virgin.

    Now several years later, I consider myself a virgin (concerning guys)... and have pretty much convinced myself I'll still die a virgin! :roflmao:

    The whole 'status' of having had sex, or a relationship, is pretty much just an ego thing - sex is just... sex. Unless you're making a living as a porn star or street worker, or are trying to fall pregnant, it isn't as big a deal as it's made out to be. What's to prove, and to whom? :icon_wink

    So, no, there's nothing wrong with you for not having kissed or otherwise yet :grin:
    Besides, it will more than likely happen when you least expect it. It did for me!
     
  14. Filip

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    I'm 28 and haven't kissed or even held hands with a guy (or girl, for that matter) yet. What do I win? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Also, I don't think that your situation is all that unusual. Many of my friends didn't date until a couple of years into college. And the gay ones were a bit later than the straight ones. Being closeted and afraid to get into same-sex dating does tend to make it harder to get into physical stuff. I never went so far as to take an average of ages when I first noticed my friend were dating, but I'm sure it was closer to 21 than to 19.

    Important thing, though: you have nothing to prove to your friends, and you gain nothing by being early at things for the sake of being early. I like romantic stories more than "I win" stories. And the kind of people who demand experience before giving you a chance are probably not the ones you want to be dating in the first place.
    Personally, I don't mind waiting for a good opportunity. That doesn't mean it needs to be a transcendent, magical experience, but it should at least be with someone I'd enjoy kissing.

    If you want to make dating and all that comes after a reality, though, a good first step would be to think about how you could come out at least enough for possible partners to know you're on the market. It's hard dating a guy through a closet wall...
     
  15. Psymark

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    I'm 22 and I'm exactly with you! Don't worry, you're not alone!
     
  16. Undecided John

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    21 here. Never dated a girl, but I did kissed one once, and was kind of traumatic (she was a bitch). And that was also the only time I did, seven year ago, so, almost doesn't count.
    Maybe I shouldn't worry too much about this, but I can't help being afraid of finding someone that I really like, and then screwing everything because I don't know how to kiss, or I'm inexperienced on sex.
    But, yeah, you're not alone.
     
  17. Artemicion

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    I'm 22...no kiss, no relationship...nothing...well, i know i could of probably went out with some girls, but I knew that was wrong even before I came out to myself...
     
  18. maverick

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    I didn't sleep with a guy until I was a college sophomore, and I STILL haven't slept with a woman at 26. Never had a proper girlfriend in my life.

    (In other words, don't freak out).

    I think high schoolers (especially queer ones) are convinced that they are the only virgin in their school, when really, the vast majority of people don't really start being seriously sexually active until college age (whether they actually attend college or not).

    Seems like quite a few of the kids who had a lot of sex in high school were the ones who ended up raising rugrats in single-parent homes while everybody else went to college.
     
    #18 maverick, Sep 9, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2011
  19. mnguy

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    It's not a problem at all and you're not the only one as well shown above. Most of my friends in college, who are all straight as far as I know, never dated in hs or college. A few had a drunken kiss or two with women, which I guess can be counted. At that time I didn't realize I was gay and just assumed I'd meet a nice girl eventually. That didn't happen and turns out I'm gay and I still haven't had any experience with a guy, which is atypical imo. I bet you'll get a chance with a nice guy in the next few years. At least you know you're gay at a more typical age and are in a world where it should be easier to find another guy to meet/date/whatever in a safe way when you really want to. Relax and good luck :thumbsup:
     
  20. MusicMan12

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    Thanks to everyone who responded!! It really makes me feel better that I'm not the only one! Thanks again to everyone for sharing :slight_smile: