Lately, my friend's (age 16) been extremely stressed and apprehensive lately... because his boyfriend bought him an engagement ring without any consultation on it :s Just, out of the blue, his boyfriend told him that he got a $750 engagement ring... I know I shouldn't get into my friends affairs like this, but he doesn't want to marry his boyfriend, or even think about marriage yet, but he won't say a word to him.... and his boyfriend just traded it in for a diamond-encrusted ring because the ruby in the old one was fake :\ I'm really worried... my friend's the type that has attempted suicide before, and self harm... This might just push him over the edge and stress him out immeasurably... Part of me wants to talk to his boyfriend, since he won't, but... I also feel that he should be the one talking to him about it... any advice, guys? I'm really worried...
Hello dude, I suggest you talk to your friend, and be clear with him that he needs to explain to his boyfriend, how he actually feels. Ensure he knows that your worried about him, that hes only 16 and has his whole life to look forward to. He doesnt need to get married just yet, and worst case senario, talk to the boyfriend, but be discreit, honest and explain how your worried about your friend. I'm sure they will be able to sort things out without anyone getting hurt.
I already have talked to my friend about it, but he's too afraid to talk to his boyfriend... he's worried that he'll hurt him :\ I mean, I think I should talk to his boyfriend about it, but... I don't know, I'm still worried something will go wrong along the way >.<
You need to tell your friend that if he really doesnt want his boyfriend to get hurt, he needs to tell him the truth otherwise he'll get hurt twice as hard. So maybe talking to his bf and telling him he needs to talk to him, you never know it might be just the push he needs my friend. Tell him that and see how that goes... :-D
That's tough....maybe if he's too scared to talk to his boyfriend himself, you can offer to go with him for moral support. A few months ago my best friend and I weren't speaking in a really suffocating silence and we weren't even fighting, so that's what I begged my second best friend to do for me. It might make him feel a lot better to have someone there to help move things along if they get stuck. Even if the boyfriend is sure that he loves him enough to get married, at 16 chances are they'll eventually break up in the future because of all the changes they'll both go through in the college age years developing into who they'll be in the future. Your self at 16 is very different from who you are at 25, which is only natural because your identity is still developing. Try to talk the boyfriend into thinking things through without rushing head into things.
Well, he went to sleep, but I'll talk to his boyfriend about it tomorrow. I'll let you all know how it goes... thanks for the tips, everyone :\
I really don't think talking to the boyfriend for him is really going to help anyone in the long run. If you "hurt" his boyfriend for him, then later on he might blame you for the whole thing and not see it as you helping him at all. The boyfriend might also hate you for getting between them or something along those lines. You have talked to your friend and he knows what you think about it. He also knows what he can do about the situation and that you are there if he needs help. Honestly, that is as much as you can and should do. Getting any more involved its going to make things harder to deal with for you and him. Is your friend in therapy or talking to a professional yet? If you really want to help your friend in the long run then I would recommend getting him to seek help. If his depression continues then this is not the last situation where you are going to feel like you MUST interfere in his life, which is not a healthy thing for you to constantly do.
There is not even the question of "hurt" here. Getting married at 16 is fundamentally ridiculous and I'm not sorry for putting it out there harsh like this. Saying "no" to something ridiculous implies that there was no intention to hurt anyone, but simply to restore sanity and sensitivity to a situation.
I've been in this situation myself (I was turning 18), and five years down the line, damn am I ever glad I was pushed to speak my mind and say "no" to that marriage! I understand the pressure of being with someone who wants to take things much farther, much faster, and shows it through rather misguided expressions of love like springing expensive rings out of the blue, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that his fear of talking to his boyfriend about this could very well be nothing compared to a married life he's not ready for - and it wouldn't be much better for his boyfriend to have a husband whose heart isn't in it. Or fiance, same thing. There's really nothing that can be done to make this easy, especially if he has a sensitive temperament in the first place, but something's gotta give. Impress upon him that saying "I'm not ready" is nowhere near as bad as saying "I'm ready" when it's a lie, and that anyone who loves him is going to be accepting of that. If your friend's boyfriend loves him - honestly loves him - he'll deal. He might be hurt, he might not understand why it can't be now, but he'll understand that your friend says he can't think about life in those terms yet and the relationship will probably go on. That wasn't the case with me, but nonetheless it turned out to be a good thing when I found out just how much more his little ideal vision of a housewife and a house with a white picket fence meant to him than my own happiness and life goals. If your friend's boyfriend turns out to be the same, then in the end it'll probably be all the better for him.
