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confused help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lucylion, Sep 10, 2011.

  1. lucylion

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    i am 18 years old and have always kinda liked girls. ive only ever been in relationships with guys but. for the last year or so ive been sleeping with a girl on and off. we dont really talk about whats going on but i think she still claims to be straight, and she ignores me whenever large groups of people are around. but she still calls me and invites me over sometimes its kinda irregualar sometimes often sometimes months apart. she seems pretty into me when we are together but about half the time she ignores my messages or calls. i think its been a bit too long for it to just be experimenting. could she just be scared of people finding out or is she just using me? i have pretty strong feelings for her now and have tried to talk to her about it a couple of times but she usually just avoids it as much as possible.
     
  2. Gay Boi

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    I was in a similar situation back in high school, though the guy and I weren't sleeping together. I don't think she is using you. She appears to be having a hard confronting and dealing with her sexuality. She seems to be scared of people finding out about you two. You've tried talking to her about what's going on and she's avoiding the topic. You need to decide what to do. You can either walk away or try to reach out to her. Please let me know how things go between you guys. :slight_smile:
     
  3. lucylion

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    Thanks for your response. What happened with your guy? I should walk away but I just can't I've thought about it so many times. I've liked people before but I am in love with her I don't want to be with anyone else, I think about her constantly and when I'm with her I'm completely happy there's nothing else in the world that I want when were together. But this is only my feelings and I feel like I will never really know hers. I'm really scared if I push it too much I'll lose her and I know it sounds pathetic but I would be devastated. But at the same time it kills me to see her ignore me in front of people and even hook up with guys (which I sometimes feel she does to prove to me and eveyone else that she's straight) she doesn't seem to have many on going things with any of them. I don't feel like there's an easy solution to this and it has been driving me nuts for a long time.
     
  4. Fugs

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    Re: confused

    What you have to do is confront her, it won't be easy, and it definitely won't be comfortable but make her listen to you. Tell her how you truly feel about her and that you want the relationship to go further than it is currently.

    She might just be scared to face her true feelings and needs a little help. Make sure she knows how you feel and that you are willing to make the relationship work.

    Don't force her to make a decision. If she needs time after you talk then let her have her space. Just remind her that you will be there if she needs anything.
     
  5. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    (Merged the two threads for you)

    First of, welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    Like people already said, you are going to have to confront her sooner or later. I know its really hard and the fear of losing her is scary, but its not healthy for you to be waiting for someone the way you are doing. The situation is starting to annoy already, right? Well, believe me when I tell you that it won't stop or change unless you make it stop or change.

    Its hard to hear, but you basically have to choices right now. You either confront her or you walk away from her. Neither are easy choices, but not doing anything about it will eat you up from the inside. Don't allow this problem to suffocate you :slight_smile:
     
  6. Gay Boi

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    I walked away from him. It took me about a year to get over him; I used to think about him constantly and I would cry over him sometimes. He later tried to make things work with me but at that time I had moved on with my life. We are still friends though.
     
  7. Nollaig20

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    Hello,

    Well I'm glad that you've come on here for some help, there's some pretty awesome people on here, who would be willing to help you through it.

    I'll give you my opinion based on what you've said, its sounds like your friend is confused, basically she desires to want you, and when no1 is around. Thats heaven for her, however, she may be feeling as if no1 will accept her, and when people are around, she may feel more concious of what people might be saying or thinking about her. So she puts up this wall. She maybe just trying to deal with whats going on, I know I am. I don't think shes using you though.

    I suggest you talk to her, maybe you's both can help each other figuire out whats going on. =D

    Good Luck
    A.S
     
  8. lucylion

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    Yes I think that may be part of the problem. Most people do know some people give both of us a hard time about it otherwise thy just kinda pretend it's not happening. Homosexuality isn't really very accepted where I live mostly because you just don't hear of many homosexual people. It's pretty unfair that I will probably have to give up an opportunity to be completely happy and madly in love with someone because other people aren't comfortable with it.