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They don't believe me

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by wellhidden, Sep 10, 2011.

  1. wellhidden

    wellhidden Guest

    Umm, ok i came out to my sister and friend a while ago,but the thing is that they dont believe that i am gay. They both supported me then, but now they are doubting wether i am gay or not. i mean just recently i asked them if they had anymore questions about me but they just asked if "i was sure" and "i dont believe that you are gay".

    Ok what im trying to say is, is this normal to have people doubt you when you come out and how can i prove to them that i am gay since they dont trust what is comming out of my mouth...
     
  2. maverick

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    It's normal. Once you start dating, they'll believe you.
     
  3. wellhidden

    wellhidden Guest

    True, so very true.
     
  4. Fugs

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    Some of my friends didn't believe me at first either. Though once I told them who I had a crush on they quickly changed their minds.

    Don't worry, they will come around eventually.
     
  5. nerdvain

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    This will sound wrong...but act gay.

    And I don't mean flaunting your sexuality and acting as "queer" as you can, unless that's who you are.
    I simply mean for you to be you. If they don't believe you, all you can do is show them over time by being yourself.

    Just like maverick said--they'll be more likely to accept your sexuality once you've begun dating.
     
  6. Filip

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    The main question you need to ask is: do you have an urgent need to prove to them that you're gay?
    If not, I would suggest just going about your normal dealings with them, correcting them if they imply you're straight, and not shying away from the topic if it comes up. If they ask if there's any cute girl you have your eyes on, just tell them all about that cute guy instead. If it's at all appropriate, make the odd joke about it. If they see it repeated in different settings, over time, they will believe you.
     
  7. FloatingPiano

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    I have the same problem when I (sorta) came out to my mom. She doesn't really believe I'm gay either. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I think the best thing to do is just give them some time. And once you start dating I think their opinion will change as well. XD
     
  8. The BC

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    When I came out originally nobody believed me. They thought I was pulling their leg for another laugh or that there was just no way because I was so opposed to it before.

    All of my gay friends call me a breeder and or butch because I act too straight. It angers me to no end because I am not acting or not trying to be myself. On the contrary. I am completely myself.

    Give your family a year. Thats what I did. I told them they can take their time to adjust but one year gives it time to fully sink in. My mom would slowly start to ask if I was seeing somebody, or if I had found a guy I like. Now she is ok with it.

    Younger folks don't need as much time because we are much more accepting. We have the internet, being gay is no longer shocking.

    I always think that it would be nice if I were more effeminate so that people would just know I'm gay. Turns out a lot of gay guys seem to like the butchyness. It can be hard though, to hear that you are just acting a certain way when you are truly being yourself. You can't help who you are or how you were raised. Give it time.

    Don't prove it. They will come around.

    ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2011 at 11:04 AM ----------

    I said 'originally' in my first sentence because everywhere I go I have to come out again. lol
     
  9. xMissSalazar

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    My family believe I'm going through a phase.
    Quite frankly, I'll let them believe that.
    I've told them what I am, and if they don't believe me yet, they will when I begin dating girls.
    :slight_smile: Hang in there, buddy.
     
  10. Melusine

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    It's very normal. My Dad doesn't believe me and hasn't even when I've brought girlfriends home :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:. But if they really care, they'll get over it. X
     
  11. Lebowski45

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    I agree with Filip. Just be yourself, I wouldn't try and prove anything. I suppose I kind of had this problem a little in that I don't fit the gay stereotype, so I think some people found it hard to believe. I think people get educated along the way though, and just being confident about it, and even joking about it, will show them that you are comfortable with you being gay. If they see that, I'm sure they will too.
     
  12. Lexington

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    If anyone doubts your sexuality, just respond "No, I'm pretty sure." And leave it at that. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  13. J Snow

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    My mom didn't really want to believe it, so she seemed skeptical. She must have been somewhat convinced though on account of how upset she got.

    From nearly everyone else I just get "Well I would have never guessed..." which I hate. I wish I came across as more gay to people.
     
  14. Nollaig20

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    I know its been said, but just carry on doing you own thing. If they question you, and say that your not. Correct them and move on. I'm guessing it will take time for them to fully understand and accept you. Maybe you should tell them when they say, "I dont think you are gay", that your hardly going to say it if you not, that you've been probably stuggling with this you entire life, and that you where pretty sure when you came out. Its not something you're really going to joke about eh.

    My luck is with you!! =D
     
  15. Beachboi92

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    i still have people who swear by their mothers grave im a hetero and in the end all you can do is realize you don't need to prove anything to anybody. Go on about your life like you want to. My dad still refuses to believe i'm gay. The other day i talked with my brother in front of him about how i had a date with a guy and i was all excited about it. He can not believe me all he wants, nothing i can do about that except not let it effect my life in a negative way. Because it doesn't have to, and if they support you, they support you so if it comes down to it just know they have your back.
     
  16. Daryn

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    I get that all the time, and it's really annoying. The "But you don't LOOK gay..." thing gets old. I think some people mean it as a compliment when they tell me that, but I see it as an insult.
     
  17. GoinStag

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    My dad didn't believe me at first. He thought I was joking with him. I think it just takes some time to sink in.
     
  18. missyjustice

    missyjustice Guest

    This happened to me too with some people. One of my closest friends just flat out said, "You're not gay". And I was slightly offended and of course asserted that I am in fact very queer. Another one of my friends remarked on how it could just be a phase, which I also found a bit offensive. Anyways once I started more openly discussing my attraction and dating a girl they believed me without a doubt.

    Oh and really it didn't bother me so much. They were both otherwise really accepting of my sexuality besides the fact that they were unsure if it were accurate at first. I'd much prefer this reaction to people telling me I'm going to hell and that I'm disgusting. All it took was a little communication and it was all cleared up.
     
    #18 missyjustice, Sep 11, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2011
  19. wellhidden

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    Thanks all very interesting to hear(read more like it). I feel much less like an alien now. :slight_smile:
     
  20. Zontar

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    It would appear as if they are swimming in Da Nile.