Social Fatigue and Anxiety (and a Philosophical Digression)

I guess I'm confused. Social anxiety and introvertedness are two different things.

If what you're saying is that you have a tendency toward being introverted and that's what we're discussing, then it's probably in your best interest to educate your friends a little bit about what it means to be an introvert. There's no real changing that and you shouldn't have to. It's just how you are. I'm a little bit introverted too and I do have to explain my behavior to my extroverted friends from time to time. They're usually pretty cool about it, once they get where I'm coming from.

However, if we're talking about social anxiety as in like an anxiety disorder, that kind of stuff can get worse. It may not be a big deal now, but eventually it could be and there's no real reason to leave it untreated. There's nothing morally objectionable about it and life is easier without anxiety problems. So, if that's the case, then I'd try talking to someone about it. Maybe a therapist or school counselor?

 

Why not simply tell them the truth?

"I really appreciate you inviting me out so much, but truth told, I'm kind of in an stay-in-my-room sort of mood as of late. So I'm gonna pass, but definitely hit me up next time you're heading out."

Lex

 

Oh the privilege of extroversion. On the practical side of things, try getting your friends to read this article:
Caring for Your Introvert - Magazine - The Atlantic
It gets linked to a lot in these kinds of discussions, for good reason. It explains introversion well, and it might get them to take your desire for solitude seriously.

On the philosophical side of things, I can relate to your question because I used to be a good deal more introverted than I am now. I'm now more likely to seek out the company of my close friends than I was before (which might or might not have something to do with me having better friends), but I still feel the need for "me time" and I still need time to recuperate after large gatherings of people. But point is, I've gone through the kind of change you described in the more abstract part of your post, so I can speak about it from experience.

Is it worth "overcoming"? Will it improve your life? In my case, it was worth "overcoming" and it did improve my life, but there's one key reason why: it happened naturally. I didn't force myself to go out with friends when I didn't feel like. I didn't try to "overcome" my introversion. I just found myself with more opportunities for socialization than I had before, and I took those opportunities because I found myself enjoying them. The other side of the coin, though, is that I never said to myself, "I've been hanging out with a lot of people recently, but I'm an introvert, so I shouldn't be enjoying this. I need to stop enjoying this." That may seem obvious, but it can be tempting to think along those lines (I'm an introvert, so I shouldn't enjoy hanging out with people frequently). It's better to think about it in an existential way (I don't enjoy hanging out with people frequently, so I'm an introvert), rather than an essentialist way (the one previously mentioned). That way, if you ever find yourself becoming more social naturally, you can let it happen, which will probably make you happier.

In short, don't try to force yourself to fit into any mold, be it extroversion or introversion... that is, unless you are truly unhappy with the mold you are fitting into right now, but from the sound of things, that doesn't seem to be the case.

 

>>>Well, I tried that last night and they just looked at me like I was crazy. In the past, as I said, they've taken that as initiative to get me out more rather than less, possibly because they think I'm lonely or depressed or something.

Then you're not done explaining. If they give you a crazy look, just smile and say "Hey, I'm an introvert. I like my own company. Not that I don't like other people's company, too - I just don't need it as much as most people do."

Lex

 

Well, let me tell you about me.

I've had no fewer than four people invite me out tonight. And here I am. At home. Ripping 45rpm records into my computer, sipping a diet soda, doing a bit of ECing here and there. This isn't because I hate the people who invited me out. It isn't because I'm afraid of social interaction, or anything like that. It's just that this is what I really want to do tonight. I turned down the invites because the idea of sitting at home with a diet soda and a stack of records really appeals to me. I'm not saying it's everybody's idea of a great time - I'm sure for most people, it ain't - but I'm only looking to appease one person here. So I told them, "I really appreciate the invite, but I'm really looking forward to going through my old records tonight. But please hit me up next time, OK?"

Admittedly, it's easier to do when you're 41 than when you're 17. At 41, people seem to think you're half-dead anyhow. But I've played the same cards even two decades ago. I recall utterly baffling my college roommate because, instead of going out and partying with his friends, I wanted to stay home and finish that Isaac Asimov book I got out of the library. But the thing is - people seem to get it. They might think it's weird, but ain't nothing wrong with weird. They just say "Well, Lex seems to like reading books and listening to music more than going out and partying", and that pretty much sums it up.

Lex

 

There is always a risk of losing the most favoured friend status if you isolate yourself from them wanting to hang out. If they ask you repeatedly to hangout and you isolate yourself, they'll just stop, and they'll move on to other people. Be careful not to deny them the opportunity repeatedly. Just deny alternately or occasionally.

This advice applies only if you are really like... besties with these people.

 

I think like you. I'm a loner, hermit, call it whatever you want to call it. And I feel like everyone is really outgoing and that they need to be with other people all the time. We're a rare breed I think, because I feel like everyone is social and not me.

My friends are used to me saying no or saying a reason that is not always true in order to not show up. They never abandoned me and they still invite me. Sometimes I just say yes, expecting the worse and I end up enjoying myself. But still, at the next event, I don't want to go.

For some reason, in the last year or so, it became easier for me to say yes. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older but it feels less like a chore. I still prefer to be alone but it's less hard to be with people.

I don't think your friends will stop being friends with you just because of how you are. That is if they really are your friends.