Well, I just came back from trying to be a wing man for a gay guy. He's 21. Never been inside a bar or a club, let alone a gay bar. I took him to the gay district - West Hollywood. I could see that he wanted to go in, but he was hesitant about it. I should also note, most likely I'm just straight, slight heteroflexibility, but mostly straight so ironically I was confident around the guys and knew what to do since the same sexual tension with girls wasn't there. Having eyes look at me was odd at first, felt the same vulnerability girls do and guess some gay guys do in gay districts as well. But, I was relaxed and I was ready to enjoy myself. But, the same nervousness around girls wasn't there - so I can kind of guess what he was going through. It reminded me a lot of this scene in 90210 (from the 3:12 mark): [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSAColPgUSo&feature=related[/YOUTUBE] The straight guys enjoying themselves, the gay guy backing out. I saw him checking out a relatively attractive guy reading a book at a coffee shop (keep in mind gay district, the guy was most likely gay - he was there by himself) and suggested he go ask what book he was reading. And again, he blushed and hesitated out of it. Same reaction I'd have to a buddy telling me how to approach a girl I liked, but ironically confident I can do it now since I see there wouldn't be anything applied to it other than harmless conversation and hopefully more. So... My question to you guys is this - what can I do to help this guy get more comfortable or find his scene? There's not many places to find guys, I'd imagine, outside of West Hollywood - unsure who's straight or who's gay, while there you kinda have a certain guess towards what a lot are there. Just, how can I help him out basically? ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2011 at 09:31 PM ---------- Also, for those familiar with the area - is West Hollywood active a lot even on week days or mainly just weekends like straight areas? Unsure how to phrase the question, sorry if it came off kinda blunt... just, with my schedule Saturday nights aren't always feasible ("on-call" service work, early mornings).
I swear, that clip is as if someone filmed my first (and second, and third xD) visit to a gay bar, including the cnversation and the going for a burger instead at the end. To the point where I'm getting slightly distraught just watching that clip It inevitably ended with the straight guys and girls flirting with the patrons, and me sitting in a corner trying to not look gay and fleeing as soon as there was an uninterrupted path to the door :eusa_doh: Ironically, I'm told I'm quite flirty with girls, without even noticing it myself xD So, with my above ineptitude as a disclaimer: I really do like it to be occasionally dragged to places like that. Not necessarily to find a man-date, but just because I occasionally need masses of gay people who look OK with themselves to remain OK with myself. So: you might want to occasionally take him out. Applying some slight pressure might work if he's hesitant, but don't overdo it. Try a different place every time unless you find someplace he looks really comfortable in. And maybe it's best to keep away from pushing him towards the cute guys. He's not comfortable being in a gay setting, so he has no hope whatsoever to be flirty with guys. And urging him to do so will engage his flight response. My most succesful visit to a gay bar was when my friend and I just sat down, got something to drink, had a chat while looking at the other patrons, and then left. No interaction, but don't ever underestimate the comforting effect of just knowing other gay people exist and will be there whenever he does feel like interacting with them.
Before I was out, this was my first trip to the gay bar. :lol: I must have had "CLOSET CASE" written on my forehead in neon letters. ^ x1000 Gay clubs make me feel less shitty about being gay. It's true. I need a room full of people in pastel spandex dancing to "Mick Jagger Moves" to feel okay with myself. I'll admit it. I agree with Filip as far as your friend goes, gay bars are a much calmer scene than gay clubs. I went to the lesbian bar last night (fairly early) and basically sat at the bar watching Ru-Paul's Drag Race drinking with a small handful of patrons for about an hour and a half. Nobody bothered me except to make small talk. It was a completely different scene than later in the night when I was at the gay club proper with a drag queen grinding on me, surrounded by dozens of people. It is really comforting to know that gay people exist, basically. Even if we're not into the same things at all, it makes me happy to know I can find a place on any given evening that is packed to the gills with queers.
"...keep away from pushing him towards the cute guys. He's not comfortable being in a gay setting, so he has no hope whatsoever to be flirty with guys. And urging him to do so will engage his flight response." And it might make him feel worse about himself if he feels intimidated by them and like a failure that he can't even flirt with a guy where it's safe to do so. The advice given sounds good. Gentle nudges once in a while otherwise just general hanging out like you typically have done in the past. He'll have to want to grow in this area of his life to make progress.
