how did you know?

I knew I was gay when I had absolutely no interest in breasts or vaginas and just didn't see girls as hot.
And just looking at a hot guy gave me chills.

If you find males and females hot, even if one is just a little, you are probably some degree of bi.

 

I knew I wasn't bi when I realized that a female has never turned me on. They've never given me that tingly feeling in my lower extremities. They've never aroused me when I tried to think about them while "taking care of my own business". It was always men I thought about, always men who caused that tingly feeling in my lower extremities, always men who turned me on.

Often times (and this was the case with me), confusion stems from the word "attraction", which is often used to define sexuality but rarely defined explicitly. That becomes problematic, because there are many feelings that one could call attraction: romantic attraction, physical attraction, finding someone beautiful, that feeling when you're really good friends with someone, etc. But physical attraction is the only one that defines sexuality (whom you fall in love with, i.e. romantic attraction, defines your romantic orientation). If women are the only people whose bodies turn you on, then you're a lesbian. If men do the same thing, you're bi or pan or something along those lines. It's possible for someone who's strictly gay/lesbian to find someone of the opposite sex beautiful/handsome; the key distinction is that they wouldn't think about that person while masturbating.

 

I knew I was gay when I realized I could only connect romantically with females. It wasn't necessarily about physical aspects but more about the fact that I could only fall in love with or want to be with women.

I get confused though too because some people say being gay is about only liking the same sex's body which is pretty much true for me but I can also say when a guy is good looking. I've been like "wow that guy is really hot" and meant it but I don't want to kiss him if that makes sense. I realized I could be attracted to men physically but not want to be with them. I could admire them but I wouldn't want to dance or cuddle with them. From what the posters before said I could be considered bi-sexual but I don't identify as bi-sexual. I think everyone has their own idea of what attraction is and you are the only person that can define it for yourself.

I think it's something you just know. It took me years to figure out and it isn't something you can rush. For me it was like putting on glasses for the first time and realizing that I was missing out on understanding myself by pretending to like guys. I could see the world in a new light.

Don't worry too much, labels are not that important in the end. But I understand what you're going through.

 

I'm kind of trying to figuire out the same question, so I completely relate to your question. A lot of gay people say that they where never attracted to the same sex, but what happens when you have been with the opposite sex, and always knew you where into the same sex. It's just really frustrating, I'll give you some advice from what other people have told me, it just takes time, maybe try some soul searching, or experiment so that you can figuire out more about yourself.

Good Luck
A.S

 

I finally figured out that I'm not equally attracted to both sexes, but I'm not exclusively gay, so I'm in that weird middle ground. Like Nollaig said, time, soul searching, and experimenting are all things that can help you figure out who you really are. For me, it was 7 years of soul searching and finding myself (with a dash of experimenting) that finally led me to my answer.

 

A lot of thinking and soul-searching, a bit of being realistic with myself about who turned me on (and who didn't), and then the final evidence was a kiss with a man (which was amazing!), and a kiss from a woman (which made me panic). I knew I was gay before the kisses, but they helped me to know that I knew... if that makes sense. Physical evidence let me admit it to myself.

 

orientation is about a couple of things...firstly, sexual attraction. it really is about what 'Gamer and I' said-- do you get turned on thinking about guys' bodies, or girls' bodies, or both? i thought i was bi because i could identify guys that were attractive, and say, "hey that guy's hot" but they never turned me on. i could look at a picture of brad pitt shirtless and admire his abs, but my nether regions were totally dormant. girls, on the other hand, are another story. but i won't go into detail there, lol.

along with sexual attraction, orientation is also where you have to ask yourself "who do i want to be with?" disregarding attraction, disregarding stereotypes and societal pressures and the twisted complications our minds come up with to deceive us, it really comes down to this question. when i picture the PERFECT man-- hot, strong, masculine, sweet, caring, chivalrous, intelligent, funny, everything!-- i say to myself, that's a great guy.

but i don't want to be with him.

orientation is all just a way of defining what you want. we all tend to look at it backwards, like figuring out what we are and then acting as such, but really it's just being who you are and tagging on a label if it fits you.

 

That sprinkle of wisdom is completely brilliant and I feel honestly true, take a leaf out of her book. I'm gonna try... =D Nice way of putting it btw Addie

 

addie 88 really nailed it, as far as I'm concerned.

I had serious physical and emotional relationships with men for several years, but always always something was missing. I eventually would completely lose interest in having sex and I would get frustrated emotionally because I'd connect with the guy but still it didn't feel "right" but I had nothing to compare it to. I don't know how straight girls feel about guys they're dating. It's hard because you have no basis of comparison. Finally, I realized that there were a lot of little pieces of evidence (like my failing relationships with guys or the fact that I can identify exactly why I'm attracted to any girl and I hardly even notice if a guy is attractive at all). All the clues led me to believe that I'm pretty much gay. There are very few men in this world that I would want to have sex with and probably none that I would want to be with long term. It's girls, for me. It's always been girls. That's how I knew I guess.

 

I can imagine a guy that I am sexually attracted to quite easily. If I try to imagine a girl who I'm sexually attracted to, it takes a lot more thought and attention, and they usually end up 'morphing' into a male as soon as I break concentration.

I think that's a pretty good indicator.

 

I was sitting next to a girl and I had this growing desire to wrap my arm around her shoulder and have her lean her head on me. <3 Never felt that with a man.

 

Once I opened myself up to the possibility to being gay, I quickly realized it was guys that were making me pop wood, not women. Is it possible there's still some "bi" in me? Sure, I guess. But I'm too busy enjoying the guys to really notice.

Lex

 

Whenever my friends ask me if I notice hot girls that walk by, my response is always
'No, I was too busy checking out that guy over there'.

Sure, there may some day be a girl that comes along that I will fall for, but for the sake of putting a label to it (and for the sake of probability), I can safely say I'm gay

 

I realized I was not bi or straight when I went to my best friend's beach house in high school. I stayed up all night in the garage with his little brother and our mutual friends. Once my best friend left the room, his brother finally told us some story that his friend was teasing him about.

Basically, at a school dance he was grinding with this girl and he came in his pants.

His friends joked about it, but internally I realized that I would never find a girl attractive enough that I would come in my pants (nor maintain an erection, even). The next year I got to college and came out to myself. It helped that college guys were way hotter than the guys at my high school.

 

it took a while but eventually women stopped being attractive at all. i see people like megan fox who is supposed to be like a 10 but i just think ... " what's all the commosion about?" i think after a while you just kinda know.

 

ha... if i didn't have to worry about my family seeing, megan fox would be my laptop wallpaper.

 

That's how i feel about a long list of guys, but with my laptop background, phone background, wall posters, main-house-computer-background....


I started to actively recognize guys as good-looking, even attractive, then 'my own business' came into it. Then i carried on feeling like i always had about women. So it's become a pretty slick morphing duality, but i'm quite comfortable with it, at least in my own mind.

 

I realized I was gay when I wasn't finding girls attractive like most the other guys my age. Breasts did nothing for me and then I started noticing the guys... I knew from then on what I was attracted to.

 

I can be physically attracted to women, and I have enjoyed hooking up with women in the past, and I very well may do it again in the future, but the reason that I'm calling myself gay (at this point at least) is this: Even though I CAN enjoy the company of a woman physically, I think I could the rest of my life without having sex with a woman and be perfectly happy. I don't think I could say the same about men. Does that make me slightly bisexual? Maybe, probably, but who cares? Just find someone who makes you happy.